Baxter Bark Twice

Do as I say, never as I do

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BBT Reveals: Things Girls Could Possibly Want & Things They Absolutely Do NOT Want

Posted by AllieB on December 12, 2013

It’s important to keep in mind that all of the answers given here are subject to mood-swings, the second/minute/hour of day, barometric pressure, and a gazillion other variables you couldn’t possibly anticipate.

And we’re back! Last week was an in-depth look into the hearts and minds of men (as they pertain to Christmas), and this week’s post will attempt to do the same for the ladies. I can tell you what they say they want, but as to what they truly desire, well – I am powerless to speculate. Here’s a tip for everyone, all shapes, sizes, genders: if you’re at a loss for what to get someone, just buy yourself Chromecast and call it a day. I did, and I couldn’t be happier – that’s the best gift of all, right? Chromecast streams Netflix and YouTube from your phone or computer (without zapping battery life or slowing things down) onto your TV. It is a USB drive that you plug into the TV. There are no cords, and it costs $35. This isn’t rocket science.

I digress. Here you go – what your lady friends want for Christmas:

girls want for christmas

This response to “Other” was by far the most lame of all the responses to any question, girl or boy: I wear the same stud earrings everyday and want something to spice up my daily look!

I can’t even tell if she’s kidding. For the sake of BBT’s integrity, I will assume she is. Moving on.

girls getting guys for xmas

Specified “Other” items included:

  • Jeans…sick of looking at his dad jeans
  • new clothes- specifically pants as the pleated khakis he wears sometimes resemble MC Hammers’
  • If I had a man I would buy him a gift for myself. Maybe that’s why I’m single.
  • Big Green Egg
  • A session with a medium. I swear we aren’t crazy.

Yeah…I’m pretty sure y’all are crazy.

And if you’re wise, you’ll pay close attention to this one: gifts that will make a girl go absolutely batsh*t bonkers (and not in a good way) are:

  • cirque du soleil tickets. Yuck.
  • anything that was on my wedding registry
  • ugly clothes that I can’t return
  • Any sort of class. If I want to learn how to do something, I will goog
  • victoria secret underwear
  • anything relating to cooking
  • A scale…
  • Crew neck christmas sweaters. WHY GOD WHY?
  • for him to get a puppy. 2013 is not the year of playing pick up the poop
  • My parents telling me the fact that they flew me home to visit for Christmas is a big enough gift.
  • coal in my stocking
  • Weird Jewelry/House Stuff/Anything Mature
  • a cookbook/cooking utensils/an apron/cooking lessons
  • SOCKS. I DO NOT WANT SOCKS.

I agree – coal would suck, and the one with the parents saying your ticket home for Christmas was gift enough…saddies :( On that note, THANK YOU, G-force and Geoff, for your kindness and generosity 365 days/year!

The responses to “The gift I want most in the world” were 80% about taking a really cool trip, 10% about a new house, 8% want a puppy and/or Ryan Reynolds, and then there was the doofus who wants a navy Porsche Cayenne with tan leather interior. SMH*

girls say santa

My takeaways are twofold: 1. I know some pretty bratty females, and 2. guys and girls aren’t so different after all: NO ONE WANTS SOCKS. In spite of the answers provided by my male and female cohorts, I think what everyone really wants (besides Chromecast) is a thoughtful gift that shows that the giver was truly thinking of the give-ee…and is not a piece of crap.

I’m realizing now that, once again, I neglected to take my own survey, so I will leave you with my answers.

1. This best describes what I want for Christmas: clothes, a trip, jewelry, and a spa day

2. I am getting the man in my life a beautiful, golden goose egg (I think nothing is a great gift for someone who does not exist)

3. I will go batsh*t bonkers if someone gets me….I can’t think of anything that would make me go loco. Y’all, a gift’s a gift.

4. Santa is: REAL.

TGIT! It was 14 degrees when I woke up this morning.

*I finally goog’ed what SMH stands for last week – it means “shaking my head”

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You might be a Redneck if…

Posted by AllieB on November 21, 2013

Happy Thursday/Hunger Games!!

It’s that weird time of year when I’m definitely excited for the holidays, but the onslaught of decor and commercials and the fact that Thanksgiving hasn’t happened yet is kind of throwing me. At least it was until earlier this morning, when I figured out what my Redneck Elf Name is, and now I’m totally pumped for December Bender the Holidays. My game face: it is on.

XMAS

Hey, y’all! I’m Trixie, the gingerbread deerhunter!

I’ve never wished my last name began with a Q, but I would’ve been real pleased if my redneck name was Cletus. I don’t know why I’m so entertained by this – I guess there’s nothing like a naughty dope dealer named Bubba to get your head right about the Holidaze. (Credit: Kitty Decks)

Another thing that thwarted my acceptance of the imminent Yuletide Season was my trip to LA last week, Santa Monica specifically. I really like it out there – as I said after my last visit in June, while Los Angeles reminds me of outer space (and I HATE outer space), Santa Monica is delightful. It’s beautiful, it was 86 degrees, you’ve got mountains and beach….but it’s empty! Maybe I’m just used to having full body contact with 2-3 strangers on the subway each morning, but it was almost eerie how few people were out and about. Anyway, good trip, The Fairmont is a lovely place to stay, and I managed to snap this one evening leaving the office. No filtration, as ever, but does it not look like a fake movie set or similar?? I know, it totes does.

santa mon sunset

Sorry I’m not sorry if you don’t like vista pictures as much as I do.

I’ve had few blog-worthy anecdotes in my personal life of late – this isn’t a bad thing, as my anecdotal instances tend to include a lot of me being an idiot – but, as a result, I feel as though I am ‘connecting’ less with BBT. I shall persevere and instead of telling about my horrible flight on Friday (and it was AWFUL), I will instead give you lots of external links to peruse.

1. As devastating as Saturday’s loss was for the Dawgs and the Dawgnation, at least we’ve got this going for us…? According to Business Week’s list, WORK HARD, PLAY HARD: America’s Most Intense Colleges, The University of Georgia is numero uno.

“Many knock UGA as a party school. We’re well rounded, but let there be no mistake. UGA has become more selective 15 out of 16 straight years Michael Adams has been president. Our 2016 student profile is outstanding.”

“The University of Georgia is not really a big drug college. Alcohol is more likely the only thing that kids tend to struggle with since UGA is one of the top party schools in Georgia. Peer pressure is not something that happens for the most part. Either certain people do or they just don’t. If caught drinking under-aged their are definitely consequences and they are definitely reinforced!”

Eh. I have mixed feelings about this write-up. And nothing says academic excellence like the improper use of their/there! That’s embarrassing (for them, not for us).

2. I’ve learned to accept that we all have our strengths, and compiling holiday gift guides is not one of mine. The girls at Piece of Toast, however, have put together a pretty good guide for guys.  I have a serious question: do people give/use flasks anymore? Isn’t that kind of a high school/college graduation gift, or maybe a gag gift at some point during the same time period? I am legitimately curious about this. I’m not sure I’ve ever seen anyone use a flask, and I’ve seen a lot of people drink under-the-radar alcohol. That’s what airplane bottles are for. Or maybe I/the people I hang with aren’t classy enough for flasks? Anywho, lemme know.

3. PANDAZ. I’ll have one cub sandwich, please.

When this cub sandwich happened.

4. I guess everyone deserves happiness? This Rolling Stone article about infamous murderer, Charles Manson, and his 25 year old maybe-bride, Star, is…it’s weird. This will not bolster your goodwill towards men. It will, however, make you uncomfortable. Credit: Mary Cath. Because who else.

5. Let’s end things on a high note. Yes, that means with a heart-warming tale of puppy triumph. After tornadoes ravaged Illinois on Sunday, Jon Bann, his wife, and 4 daughters, were thankful to find themselves unscathed, but they were devastated by the apparent loss of their 11 year old dog, Maggie. A full day after the storm hit, Bann was digging thru the rubble that was his home and heard barking…Today News (NBC) reported:

“After it happened and my dog was lost, I didn’t feel right,’’ Dann said. “I felt extreme guilt, and I felt panic, but I really believe it’s because she was still alive and in there just waiting for me to find her.”

So when they found the dog buried under the rubble, the reunion proved incredibly emotional. “My children were relatively unscathed other than some scratches, and then finding my dog alive and kicking, it’s like everything else is a bonus,’’ Dann said.

maggie

Once the story went viral, donations started pouring in, and well over $4,000 has been raised to cover Maggie’s medical bills.

Now there’s something that should put everyone in the holiday spirit….

That’s all for today. HAPPY THANKSGIVING to you and yours.

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I wish you would stop being useless and start being pizza

Posted by AllieB on May 9, 2013

I went to two weddings last weekend. I flew to Charleston on Friday for the rehearsal dinner of one then flew to Atlanta on Saturday for the ceremony/reception of another. While it may seem that this nonsense itinerary was me being a really, really good friend, it was actually because I wanted to see all my peeps…and because of my FOMO. It’s real convenient when a selfish gesture is construed as a selfless one. I’m glad I did both, but it’s unlikely I’ll ever do it again. Future brides and grooms: it’d be great if you could check with me prior to setting a date.

My spring nuptial tour wraps up this weekend in Highlands, NC. Lindsay, I am ready to party on your behalf.

wigs

Actually, Lindsay, me and the belly dancer are both ready. Wigs & Babaganoush – A’s Bday 2010. I think we can all agree that you’re best as a blonde, and I think Kim Zolciak wants her wig back…

Several weeks ago I went to the New York Tenement Museum (of course I did) and, while browsing in the gift shop afterwards, I found a book that caught my eye: 642 Things to Write About. Obviously I bought it. Wouldn’t it be neat if I knocked out all 642 things, kind of like a Julie & Julia thing (the girl cooks all of Julia Child’s recipes from her most famous cookbook). As I’m wont to do, I haven’t really followed thru on this big idea, but better late than never. To summarize: the book has 642 random thoughts, words, ideas, and scenarios about which you can write; here are some examples:

-Write for 10 minutes about what is running through a husband-to-be’s head while his wife-to-be is walking down the aisle to the alter where he stands. (I’ve started this; it’s going to be great – it might even make me famous)

-Describe one of your bad habits and why you secretly get joy out of it (this won’t make an appearance on BBT…ever)

-Something you’ve always regretted saying (I mean….where do I begin)

-What you ate for breakfast (Special K)

-Write about something you know absolutely nothing about. Make all of it up. (I do that every time I write a BBT post)

serial killer

I’ve never won any penmanship awards.  Dexter bc duh; CSI bc you have to know what kind of tricks are up the police’s sleeves – gotta stay current; Say Yes to the Dress and Kardashians bc you’re clearly insane and only insane people watch those shows; Friends bc you weren’t always this way – once upon a time you loved a good laugh.

So I figure I’ll get started on some of these, and the 636 other questions, and share them on BBT sometimes. This will be fun!

Fail of the Week:

Yesterday morning I woke up around 6 AM and was going to do some stuff on my home comp while I had a cup of Earl Gray and watched some tube. I turned on my tv, then made my tea, and returned to my room to settle in for a bit. I went to change the channel…no remote. Obviously it was there, in my room, since I’d just used it to turn the TV on, but I couldn’t find it. I got SO frustrated, and before long this frustration began to boil over into legit anger…it was when I started hurling pillows around that I decided to not go all Courtney Love on my own room, and just go to work early. I figured when I got home it would be hiding in plain sight on my dresser or something – you know, “if it were a snake it would’ve bitten me” type thing. It was when I got to work and was unpacking my stuff that I realized my remote was in my shoe/second bag I carry around everywhere…how or why I know not, but…fail.

That was an even cooler story than Hansel’s.

theres my remote

Damn you, remote. And damn you, Gwyneth Paltrow!! My work friend, Gail, gives me all her mags when she’s done, hence the stack. It’s f’ing gross out, hence the ‘ella. Although up here you’d be wise to never leave home w/o an umbrella.

There’s an About Me page on this site, and it’s  just a few facts about moi that I change up every now and again, with the exception of Favorite Foods section. My four favorite foods have been the same since the very beginning, and they are as follows:

  1. cheese
  2. steak
  3. cheesesteak
  4. pizza

I really love pizza.

ariail

Little Mermaid agrees.

That was random. Here’s the thing – sometimes I really have no idea what I’m going to write about, and I have to start somewhere – this week I started with the title, having filched it from Sister ages ago with plans to use it on BBT in some capacity, and went from there. I also made homemade pizza with Jordan on Tuesday (whole wheat dough from Trader Joe’s – very delicious) and had a slice for dinner last night (Joe’s on Carmine, a real institution), so a pizza theme seemed kind of appropriate….

And that’s how my mind works.

Newsflash: Two people fell overboard and are now missing from a CARNIVAL cruise ship in Australia. Can we have an intervention with Carnival? Dear Carnival, SHUT IT DOWN. Shut them all down. However, at this point, if you’re dunce enough to willingly book a Carnival Cruise, you might deserve whatever misadventures that may befall you.

TGIT!!! Peace – Love – Pizza

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In other news

Posted by AllieB on July 29, 2011

HAPPY FRIDAY!!

Suri’s Burn Book. Suri Cruise talks shop/smack/shudders at the idea of a working class school and “lunch in a box” – on Mario Lopez’s child: LOOK AT THE CANKLES ON THIS BABY. But like, seriously…she’s got a point. (credit: Pal)

Emails from an A**hole. I bet I know a lot of people who have some fodder for this site in their archives…

Preemptively strike back against the Mundays!! Apparently the average person doesn’t crack their first smile til 11:16 AM on Mondays. Here’s how to turn your frown upside down and drive your co-workers crazy with an up and at ’em attitude.

This is surprisingly not lame: Six life-changing uses for binder clips. I’m serious – the toothpaste and cable cord ones, especially…and if you’re a frat star, the beer stacker.

An amazingly in-depth and borderline scientific look at the sex lives of the Friends characters. I’m talking percentages and stuff. Somebody has waaaay too much time on their hands.

I know a vehicle that needs this accessory immediately if not sooner. Hint: it rhymes with “penny can.” (credit: Leila)

CKB is running the San Francisco marathon on Sunday morning. It’s her second time running it. She’s a machine, my sister is…goooooooooo CHAR!!!

This is the most recent picture I have of the two of us doing something active together.

#TGIF #lazy #betterthannothing

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How to be domestic, kind of

Posted by AllieB on June 2, 2011

Whenever I think about cooking something, I usually go buy it. However, in the rare occasion that I do mention a recipe, you really ought to pay attention because it means that whatever I am talking about is both really, really delicious and retardedly easy – like, so simple that even Domestic Allie can handle it.

So there we are: Tybee Island, GA. We had an awesome day of fishing on Nelson’s boat, and we even caught some stuff! Well, Yancey, Sis, and Pal did – I wrangled a horseshoe crab then body-slammed it back into the water. They almost called PETA on me and rightly so – I don’t know what came over me. Anyway, after our day on the boat, we decided to cook out at Yancey’s Mom’s house – this the view from the marsh dock; it’s pretty nice.

We had flounder, blueflish, whitefish…I think that’s it…and apps and a salad, but no dessert. The Baxter Fam used to spend summers at Pawley’s Island, and I have vague memories of Key Lime pie being a part of these trips, so that’s what came to mind. We had neither the time nor the interest in making our own pie, so we picked one up from Publix (totally acceptable under the circumstances, maybe like a 6.5 on a scale of 1 – 10).

If you plan ahead just a couple hours and have ten extra minutes on your hands, make the pie below. It is seriously better than any Key Lime pie I’ve ever had, anywhere. And if you’re like, “hey, I already have a recipe and it calls for Jell-O,” tear it up and try this one (Credit: Char).

Nellie & Joe’s Key Lime Pie

  • 9″ graham cracker pie crust (reduced fat works just fine)
  • 14 oz. can of sweetened condensed milk*
  • 3 egg yolks (whites not used)
  • ½ cup Nellie & Joe’s Key West Lime Juice
  • Whipped cream (I like CoolWhip Lite)

Combine milk, egg yolks and lime juice. Blend until smooth. Pour filling into pie crust and bake at 350º for 15 minutes. Allow to stand 20 minutes and then refrigerate for a couple of hours. If you’re pressed for time you can maybe get away with freezing it for 15-25 minutes. It’s edible immediately, but if you’re serving it to guests be sure to chill it. Just before serving, top with freshly whipped cream, or meringue, and garnish with lime slices.

*Charlotte, my older sister and expert baker, always makes me these pies when I go to visit her in SoFLA. She recently discovered that if you switch out regular condensed milk with a can from the Ethnic Foods Aisle, Hispanic Section, it’s even better.

It’s not every day that BBT shares not only a recipe, but a TOP SECRET INGREDIENT. You’re welcome.

Speaking of limes and things that are delicious, here’s Esquire Magazine’s recipe for a Moscow Mule (I almost used Oprah’s, but when it comes to booze I think Esquire is the more trustworthy source.). I like these spritzy beverages all year round, but they’re perfect for the furnace that is Atlanta’s summer. YUM I want one right now…it looks so refreshing…

 

 

Posted in Food & Drink, Imparting Wisdom | Tagged: , , , , , | 3 Comments »

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