Baxter Bark Twice

Do as I say, never as I do

Posts Tagged ‘what do I want for lunch?’

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Dear Diary

Posted by AllieB on August 10, 2011

Dear Diary,

Today has been the best day, and it’s not even lunch time yet! First, I woke up at 5 AM feeling super fresh – everyone should go to bed at 8 PM like I do; I LOVE being a morning person!!! Anyway, then I fed the fish in my koi pond that I have in the middle of my penthouse apartment in Nashville. Why do I have a koi pond? I don’t know. But there are fish in it, so I feed them. Then I went on a long walk – I have such awkwardly long limbs that I can cover five miles in about five minutes. In fact, I kind of remind myself of the BFG – remember Roald Dahl’s classic? I never read it because I’m much too vapid to enjoy such a wonderful, imaginative novel, but there was a really cool girl in my third grade class – her name was…I don’t know, it rhymed with Ballie Axter- and she loved it.

I digress. My great day has continued with my usual 3 hours of baking. I love to bake! I’m one of those miserably lame people who constantly distribute baked goods so as to endear myself to others. Every time I manage to get people to come over, I have a huge spread of baked goods and hope that they will come back maybe for a second visit when they remember how much food I had for them. Today I whipped up some pumpkin pancakes in case anyone came over – they didn’t, but I felt good knowing that I was prepared. I wonder if maybe I should start serving alcohol? I didn’t have any at my 21st birthday party, and I’m wondering – looking back – if that was a mistake?? Surely not.

Oh! There’s my timer. I just made some souffles. I really hope I can find someone to enjoy them with instead of giving them to Jerry again – Jerry’s the homeless guy who lives on my block. He said the last ones gave him indigestion?? There must be something wrong with his digestive track, not my souffle – I followed the recipe exactly. I always follow the recipe exactly. And I am definitely the only person I know who would ever say “digestive track.”

Anyway, Diary, I just know today is going to be great. It will probably be exactly like every day I have because I am that redundantly redundant. I am even redundant when I am saying word redundant, which is something of a feat.

XOXO,

TSwizzle

*I know, right?? How surprisingly hip is my moniker?? It hasn’t caught on yet because I’m about an iota as cool as the name suggests, but maybe one day….

By “friends” I mean people who accidentally went to the wrong condo. (Glamour – November 2010)

Title credit: La Boof

Posted in Celebs | Tagged: , , | 2 Comments »

FREE NONNIE

Posted by AllieB on May 25, 2011

Elizabeth Shue, Christina Applegate and I have had some crazy times in child tending.

I should preface by saying: I don’t necessarily love to babysit. I like kids – I love kids! – but I like them better when I’m not in charge. I’ll tell you, it’s this hard-to-get mentality that makes them so fond of me…they can sense my disinterest, thus I’m the immediate go-to for games/fort building/freeze tag, etc. Maybe this hard-to-get thing isn’t a myth…??

I digress. The reason I bring this is up is that I’ve been chatting with my sister and Lacy and Skin and others recently about the pros and cons of taking care of other people’s children, and a certain story came to mind…

I had a weekly babysitting job every Tuesday. There was a Mom and a Dad and two trouble-making boys. Seriously, HUGE troublemakers….every week, the rents would go to Bible study and I’d watch over Christopher and Patrick and the basically dead cat, Maggie (this cat would occasionally let out a wail akin to Michael Finnegan’s last breath – terrifying).

One evening, about 6 weeks into the gig, a grandmother appeared from behind a door that I had never noticed, much less opened. Oh yes, it was their Nonnie. Nonnie had been LIVING IN THE BASEMENT for “years and years,” and no one ever told me about it. I mean I’m here like 3.5 hrs every week, and no one thought to mention the elderly person living downstairs. What if there was an emergency? What if she fell down and couldn’t get up? These are legit scenarios that I ought to be prepared for…

She did seem very nice and wasn’t at all offended by the legitimate scream with which I greeted her upon entering the living room where I was innocently watching my second favorite CW show at the time, Privileged. (That Joanna Garcia just can’t get a break, can she – she may have peaked with Reba.) She apologized for disturbing me, got herself a glass of water, and retreated downstairs…I was quite shocked – it just would’ve been nice to know about her existence, is all.

The parents got home and were very apologetic, but totally in the wrong way: “We’re SO SORRY, did she bother you?? We told her to STAY DOWNSTAIRS.” I’m a little scared that Nonnie was punished for daring to venture beyond her…prison? I don’t know. People are weird – this is why I prefer pet-sitting to people-sitting…dogs might be crazy, but it’s usually in a very endearing way…case in point: Missy Baxter. (credit: Family BBM Chat)

So, that happened…

My girl crush on Kate is more out of control than ever: how fetchingly glorious does she look at this meet & greet with President and First Lady Obama?! I guess spending 10 days in the Seychelles does wonders for one’s tan/hair/overall amazingness.

Source: NYMag

Dani – this is why I prefer to keep my posts short…but I did it for you :)

Posted in Arbitrary, Princess Kate, Really? | Tagged: , , , , , | 7 Comments »

Who gets around and who doesn’t

Posted by AllieB on May 10, 2011

Now this is interesting: your, eh, success with the opposite sex could be dictated by much more than your looks, personality, or lack thereof – it could have a lot to do with your given moniker…

If you’re a dude, it’s good to be Chris…less so Edward.

Ladies, if you’re Vanessa you might be promiscuous, and if you’re Dorothy…you probably own some red shoes.

My double standard is definitely showing – Chris is lucky and Vanessa is promiscuous? Thanks a lot, modern day society. I just wrote this whole paragraph about names and what they make me think about people, but it got too political and potentially offensive, so I erased and will simply allow you to make your own interpretations of the data compiled by someone else. BBT is a controversy-free zone…ish.

But really, I think we can all agree that it is not shocking to see that Tamara is #3 on the list on the left…I mean, c’mon.

Equally not shocking: Taylor Momsen and Jessica Szohr have been officially dropped from Gossip Girl. To the first I say: good riddance!! To the second: I think you are cool in real life, so leaving the WORST ROLE EVER will only lead to good things. Seriously, Vanessa blows. I haven’t really been keeping up with GG, mostly because it’s unwatchable, but I do know that I do not like this new Charlie person – Serena’s cuz – who’s been signed on as a regular. In last night’s episode, during the heat of a make-out, she asked Dan Humphrey to call her Serena…in the words of NYMag’s Daily Intel: minus 1,999,748 points. Mega creep.

Lastly, on a more G-rated note, I wrote a blurb featuring Scout for the Home, my favorite store owned by my favorite person named after my second favorite dog, for Buckhead Patch. Check it out, recommend it, etc…not for me, but for Scout.

Posted in Arbitrary | Tagged: , , , | 6 Comments »

Great story. Compelling, and rich.

Posted by AllieB on April 8, 2011

First & foremost: Happy Friday!!!! Love, Princess Allie Kate

This blog is my favorite thing.

Out of curiosity, I inquired of Goog what Kate’s official title is going to be once married to William. I learned that the answers bored me so I’m going with Princess Kate, erroneous though that may be.

Something about which I wasn’t the least bit curious but now know more than I ever could have wanted: (Thanks for this, Julia Goglia. I am so glad to be privy to this knowledge.)

UK royal bride’s virginity no longer an issue

I hope you’re as startled as I was. Can we not.

For all ATLiens – have I got a tip for you: the best dry cleaners and – AND – shoe repair place (read: they are in the SAME PLACE) is 24/7 Carriage Cleaners (yeah, I Yelp) located on Morosgo Drive off of Piedmont behind Home Depot. Not only are the clothes ready the same day, but the shoe repair is also quick and really cheap. 1 dress, 1 skirt, 1 pair of once-downtrodden-now-rejuvenated 5″ heels: $23.22. That is a steal. Plus the lady is really nice. And there’s always parking. If you go in the morning, the day workers seeking jobs may or may not think you are pulling over to pick up some hourly employees, but that’s an easily corrected misunderstanding.

Another ATL spot upon which I’d like to heap accolades is Paul’s on the Patio (I love Yelp). I have never had an unpleasant experience at Paul’s. Their wine is stupidly pricey, but they do have a list of $5 ‘tinis and other “specialty cocktails” (including cosmos for the gents (Keith)) as well as bomb ass chicken tenders. I’d never had them until last night – I usually stick with the quesadilla – but they’re delish. I realize most people get sushi, which is fine, but don’t be afraid to branch out. And now I’m hungray.

Wisdom: imparted.

Posted in Arbitrary, Princess Kate | Tagged: , , , | 2 Comments »

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