Baxter Bark Twice

Do as I say, never as I do

Posts Tagged ‘travel’

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What are you drinking?

Posted by AllieB on May 22, 2014

I can think of nothing except the upcoming long weekend, so today’s post is all about travel and vacation and activities for when you travel on vacation.

Memorial Day Weekend is the unofficial start of summer, and, to me, summer means baseball games and hanging out by water – be it a pool, the beach, or the murky, toxic Hudson River – and, of course, having drinks outside. Much like the ladies of Sex and the City and their Cosmopolitan, I, too, would like a Signature Cocktail. People will be at a bar ordering drinks and ask, “What does Allie always get that looks so good? Oh! A spicy margarita – I’ll have one of those” and it’s almost like I’m doing a good deed or something. If you’re looking to upgrade from your Bud Light Lime, please refer to this fun interactive drink calculator on New York Times: What Are You Drinking? (Credit: JVB)

what are you drinking

I got margarita. Duh

This week in Really?!?

Malaysia Airlines’ new ad campaign is apparently celebrating their knack for ferrying their passengers off to places where no one can find them….Really, Malaysia Airlines? Really?!?

Malaysian Airlines

 What I want to know is who looked at this and said, “That is not at all inappropriate. Approved!”

That’s what’s up:

– 38 People Who Will Make You Feel Better About Your Life Choices – wow.

– I’m calling it now – this is the book of the summer: You Should Have Known by Jean Hanff Korelitz. PLEASE read so we can discuss. It’s a literary mystery featuring a psychiatrist who is publishing book entitled “You Should Have Known” basically telling women who are in bad relationships that their partners had been exhibiting signs of clear and present danger all along, and they should have seen it coming. I think you can see where this is going….

– I do not understand Reddit if someone could please explain

– I traded out my office desk chair for a Body Ball this week…BOLO for my 6-pack.

– In my last post, You’re Doing It Wrong, I provided some very simple do’s and don’ts for social media behavior. It’s clear to me that some of you did not read it closely, if at all, so I will say it again: you cannot punctuate hashtags. If you really want to have a break  between words within same tag, then you may use the underscore (_) aka the “low dash.” Anything else will mess it up and then you look dumb. I had an email address once, back in 9th grade: compuchick_alb@hotmail.com. Looking back I’m a little upset – that’s pretty racy?? I clearly had no concern of internet pervs. My kid’s email is going to be oldandugly@gmail.com.

– I realized last week that I had no plans for Memorial Day, and it turns out that my nearest and dearest A and K didn’t have plans for Memorial Day, so we decided to go to…PALM BEACH! Sun, pools and beaches, frozen bevs, cute and arrogant preppy boys – it’s going to be awesome. I’ll warn you in advance, I will likely break many of the rules I mandated in the aforementioned post, and A doesn’t adhere to any rules of social media – mine or otherwise – so just prepare yourselves for the inevitable onslaught.

the breakers palm beach

 A & K – ARE YOU READY

 In summary: summery cocktails = good; airlines that lose people = bad; Reddit = ???? Happy Memorial Day!

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There are no small victories: BBT by the numbers

Posted by AllieB on April 10, 2014

Minus 10 points for missing last week – I don’t even have a good excuse and it will probably happen again, but I’m here today which I’d say is a victory – and not a small one because there are no small victories. Lots of exciting stuff going on: instead of using a standard bullet format to organize my thoughts, I am breaking them down by the numbers. And if that’s not enticing enough, there’s a really cool surprise when you get to the end…

24: 24 hours til I’m poolside in the Panhandle.

3: Three different sales people Pretty Woman’ed me at Bergdorf’s on Monday. I ordered something from Neiman Marcus online, and I didn’t like it. I also didn’t like the idea of waiting 14 days for my refund (there’s no Neiman’s in NYC), so I gave Customer Service a call and learned I could return my item to Bergdorf’s. Awesome! B-dorf’s is 10 blocks from my office. Things got a lot less awesome upon arrival – I totally get now how lousy Julia Roberts-as-prostitute felt when she went to that store and those bitchy ladies wouldn’t help her.

Sidebar Rant: I think there’s a required seminar all these employees attend where they learn how to make you feel like crap. First and foremost: the signature Eye Rake – this move actually has the same effect as that machine in Honey, I Shrunk the Kids except it shrinks your soul.  Anyone who is not toting an ostrich Prada bag or hasn’t had at least four plastic surgery procedures is subject to the Eye Rake wherein the sales associate rakes their eyes up and down your person, pausing to raise a single brow at especially offensive attire or accessories, such as a pair of Tom’s. Once they’ve robbed you of all self-worth, the employee will purse their lips in a smirky duckface and then, with a hugely exaggerated roll of their eyes, might they deign to answer whatever question you dared ask.

Perhaps one day I’ll go back in carrying not one but three Prada ostrich bags having spruced myself up with a face, brow, eye, boob, AND butt lift, then glide around with my nose in the air waving wads of cash saying, “Big mistake, huge.” Yeah….yeah.

I digress. Someone finally told me where to return the stupid dress, and I got my dollaz back in 48 hours. Mission: accomplished.

2: I’ve made two tomato pies in the last two weeks. Have you heard of the tomato pie diet? It’s all the rage – little known fact: mayonnaise and flaky pie crust are actually power foods.

tomato pie

4: I recently bought a pack of classes to Barry’s Bootcamp aka Torture Chamber Where You Pay $$$$ To Be Yelled At Then Almost Vomit. I’ve gone to four of them. Four is also the number of days since I’ve been able to stand up or sit down without crying a little.

0: I have successfully walked into the Men’s room zero times this week! Two weeks ago I moved up several floors to a new office, and the layout is literally identical to where I was with one exception: the men’s room is where the women’s room was, and vice versa. While I feel really good about my literacy and ability to identify the universal signs for MALE and FEMALE, I still find myself walking towards the wrong door…

5: …and last week I actually did walk thru the wrong door. Five times :(

2011: back in August 2011 the PGA Championship was at the Atlanta Athletic Club. I went to an early round and discovered the physical specimen that is Adam Scott. I spent much of the day stalking tracking his progress and I know I wasn’t the only one who felt our “connection” – it was palpable. Adam definitely needs another green jacket. What a smokeshow.

BBT and Adam Scott

See something you like, Adam? I think he might be jealous of my traps #hoss #mustbetheangle

19: Valeria, the human Barbie, has a 19 inch waist and maintains her inhuman proportions by way of plastic surgery and subsisting on an “air and light” diet. She’s freaking me the EFF OUT. Read more about how cool and normal she is in this GQ article. (Credit: Hilary.)

human barbie valeria

That’s a real person.

39: 39 Things That Only Girls Growing Up in the 80’s Would Get. This gave me almost physical pangs of nostalgia…Caboodles! Lip Smackers! Side pony’s! I actually still like a side pony…(credit: A)

23: So this what they mean by “heaven on earth” – the Annual Lobster Rumble on June 5 in NYC showcases 23 lobster rolls from 23 restaurants across the US, and I, the event attendee, am tasked to taste them all and choose a winner. Holy sh*t. There goes my “one lobster roll per year” rule. That was a really dumb rule anyway.

I was lying about the cool surprise – thought I’d lose you when I started talking about my “standard bullet format.” Thanks for reading!

I’m PCB-bound for a calm and relaxing wedding weekend with only a couple friends – we’ll go to bed early and there will be no dancing, especially not to Mustang Sally.

Spring is here!!!! TGIT!

Bryant Park 1And one day, not too far from now, those trees might even grow some leaves…

 Take a minute and count your blessings today. I say that in all sincerity.

 

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I have a new hobby!

Posted by AllieB on February 13, 2014

If there is one thing I know to be true it is that idle hands and minds are the devil’s playground. Are they ever. The solution is simple: stay busy – duh. Here’s how I am keeping the devil at bay…and then just some other stuff, because there’s always other stuff.

-I have a new hobby: gambling! I bought upwards of 10 squares for the Superbowl ($50 out, $0 in – that went well), and I’m filling out my ballot now for the Oscars . Perhaps I’ll even look into that billion dollar bracket that Warren Buffet is doing…but probably not because I can’t even pretend I care about college basketball, and I can pretend to care about most things.

-I am watching the Olympics. Well, sort of – sometimes I get bored – but I’ve observed the following:

First: mogul skiing should be illegal.

mogul ski NO

Second: Bob Costas is my hero. 

-I am in love with Jimmy Fallon. I watched the 1.5 hour Jimmy Fallon Goodbye Special (it’s OnDemand), and I loved it. I haven’t had that much fun watching a television program in a long time. If I was a celeb, I’d tell my agent, “GET me on Jimmy Fallon and tell him I want to play Beer Pong and Catch Phrase and also do some sort of dance.” You can tell everyone is having an awesome time – Jimmy is the most genuinely entertaining and easily entertained person I have ever seen; he loves people and they love him. Will Ferrell is a frequent guest, and this is my new favorite thing: Will Ferrell and Jimmy Fallon Fight Over Tight Pants. (PLEASE WATCH!) My second favorite thing is this tumblr of all his Thank You Notes – sometimes the internet comes thru in amazing ways. I have very high hopes for our Jimmy.

thank you oatmeal

Thank you, Oatmeal, for looking like I already ate you before I eat you.

-Ah yes, tomorrow is Valentine’s Day…kewl…better get to Duane Reade and stock up on the holiday candy. If you’re in a bad place re: your Valentine’s sitchy, I encourage you to check out the post I did last year – your morale will skyrocket; my VDay’s of yore leave much to be desired. I think it also single-handedly fulfills BBT’s “personal sharing” quota for the next decade.

-I am accepting of Fashion Week this season, minus the huge stain it is on my Instagram. Also, the below was chosen as a “Best Look of the Day” by NYMag. Have they no eyes that can see?

The Row fuzzy sweater and slouchy pants

If this were shown with a bowl of popcorn and a remote instead of patent Oxfords and a briefcase, I could possibly reconsider.

-I am very much looking forward to a return trip to France in August. Is that annoying? You’re annoying. Our 2010 stay at the chateau was delightful, and I can’t wait for Round 2. I am already planning some activities, and, amongst other things, I would love to visit a vineyard, see Mont-St-Michel, and have zero women die on my airplane. (Hey, E Rock – have I told you that story?)

BBT + chateau; #wine; Mont-St-Michel; death

BBT + chateau; #wine; Mont-St-Michel; death

-Speaking of death, I am plotting the very slow and painful demise of Old Man Winter.

-I have been going to spin class on the reg,* and I like it. Well, I don’t like it – obviously I hate it – but it seems like a very efficient way to exercise if one must exercise. The downside is that, upon completing a single, 45 minute class, I say to myself, “Done!” and feel as though I have achieved my apex of physical fitness, an ass that won’t quit, and will never have to exercise again. That’s not right.

*Because BBT is not a fitness blog (say what?!) and because I am not lame, I will leave this open to interpretation. But I’m kind of proud of myself so if you’ll allow me a little humby brag, I will say that I have gone to more spin classes in the 44 days of 2014 than I did in all of 2013 and 2012 combined. And you should know that still doesn’t say much.

-Happy late/early BIRTHDAYS to Sis & A & Mims. Mucho love. Mucho.

favorite people

I just love this pic in general. Hazy pic….hazy night. xoxo

Happy Thursday, Happy Valentine’s Day, Happy…whatever! Except you southerners – y’all are really starting to piss me off with all these snow days, so I wish you no happiness. Read the previous sentence as: Thursday, Valentine’s Day, …whatever. If you don’t have power I am sorry.

P.S. I know most people reading this are dealing with crappy weather right now, but this happened on my way to work today: living near the water means more wind, it’s just science, and I was literally blinded by horizontal snow coming at me in gale force gusts on my way to the subway. As I turned the corner onto Hudson I ran smack into a woman, also blinded, and it was like something out of a movie except not. We both involuntarily reached out and grabbed one another to keep our balance, and we wound up locked in a sort of standing embrace – she was about a foot shorter than me, so I basically had her nestled in my bosom - and then, once we gained our footing, continued on in our respective directions without exchanging words besides a muffled SORRY. Now that I am safely ensconced in my office, I can kind of laugh about it…but at the time: only tears.

do you see?? real human tears.

do you see?? real human tears.

Posted in Arbitrary, Celebs | Tagged: , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments »

2013 -> No Más

Posted by AllieB on December 19, 2013

2013 was the year of – what: it was the year of twerking, Snapchat, Kanye, Netflix, and my 30th birthday. It was a lousy year for the cruise industry (CARNIVAL), but SNL has been pretty funny. As I do every year, I marvel at how quickly it’s gone by…luckily, the month of January feels like it’s 3 full years, all on its own, so I figure that’ll help balance things out. Here now, a woefully incomplete list of random things in 2013, superlative-ized.

– Most likely to boggle ze mind: Wall Street Journal does 2013 in photos. These are incredible – you gotta take a look.

super moon NYC

The super moon on June 23, 2013 as seen in Manhattan #badass

- Most universally annoying thing that I secretly do not find annoying: selfies.

– Best example of why it’s great to be a Georgia Bulldog and not a SC Gamecock: Someone Caught Steve Spurrier Humping a Yoga Ball

– BBT’s most read post: ALRIGHT. So when I get mad, BBT gets good? (JSimps, the Post Office, the hot girl at Equinox…no one’s safe)

– BBT’s most gratuitous use of p0rn (spoiler: it’s food p0rn): Hide Your Crazy and Start Acting Like A Lady – I also like the post in general: personal truths, my new ‘hood, some tunes, and, of course, lobsta rolls…(I had to use a 0 instead of an o, my internet filter does not like that word.)

– Best place in the entire world to be around Christmas: NYC

grand central

– Most likely to wear short skirts and move to Boston and become a lawyer: my senior superlative in high school. The newspaper staff made them up, and I was on the newspaper staff so I got off easy – come to think of it, I might have even made it up myself… Nerd.

– Most likely to make you shake your first and ask, WHY GOD WHY: you can’t pick your family, and you can’t pick where you’re from: Grantland’s Rembert Brown does poetic justice to the injustice that was afflicted upon Atlanta sports fans this fall.

– Best dog of the year/century/millennium: Missy Baxter. We miss you, Missy :(

she got the paper every morning for most of her life, starting when she was a teeny tiny puppy and the paper was bigger than she was

she got the paper every morning for most of her life, starting when she was a teeny tiny puppy and the paper was bigger than she was

– …but this dog is a close second. This story made my entire year.

– Hardest restaurant to get a reservation: it’s not even in NYC – Canoe in ATL wins this. I called like 7 weeks ago and they were already booked up for Christmas Eve. WTF Canoe? Whatevs, ever since they started curtailing their bread basket by having waiters distribute SINGULAR pieces, as opposed to the legit carb orgy they used to do, I’m kind of over it anyway. UPDATE: Canoe literally just called – there was a cancellation, and we’re in. I take back what I said about the bread and being over it – y’all knew that was a bunch of BS. I guess Canoe is no longer worthy of this superlative, I’ll go with Charlie Bird (Mary, what’s your secret!?) or ABC Kitchen.

– Sneakiest giraffe/most typical tourists:

stupid tourists! serves them right.

As taken by me, with my iPhone, in Pilanesberg, ZA

– Most likely to suffer from injuries due to an omnipresent Melvin: Miley Cyrus.

– Most legitimately useful information that I will likely never use: these 99 life hacks. The mind REELS.

– Most inopportune moment to drop a curtsy: at my work  Christmas party, I walked out of the restroom at the same time as the President of our company did (he out of the men’s room, me out of women’s – duh), which is an inherently awkward meet and greet all on its own. Never one to miss out on a potentially humiliating encounter, I CURTSIED before him – just as one might the Queen – and raised my glass of champagne as I bade him a pleasant evening. Why would you do that, Allie? I don’t know.

– Most exclusive, seen-and-be-seen event of the year:

Doc4

– Least tan person in the world, on average, over the last 12 months: Me. Or maybe Fleming.

– Most likely to touch a frozen pole with her tongue and get stuck: Miley Cyrus.

– Best gift for the person who has everything – guarantee you they don’t have this: The Kanye West Pug Calendar: 2014% Awesome

kanye february

It’s been a good year! I blogged almost weekly (almost), I got my hair balayage-ed/ombré-ed (I think I like it?), and I rode the Staten Island Ferry.  I also knocked out my sixth continent and got Amazon Prime – 2013 was wild! Who knows what 2014 will bring for BBT…perhaps there will be some external ventures…maybe in the form of a novel? I KNOW, I’ll stop talking and start doing. HAPPIEST of Holidays to you and yours!!

Posted in Arbitrary, Imparting Wisdom | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , | 9 Comments »

You might be a Redneck if…

Posted by AllieB on November 21, 2013

Happy Thursday/Hunger Games!!

It’s that weird time of year when I’m definitely excited for the holidays, but the onslaught of decor and commercials and the fact that Thanksgiving hasn’t happened yet is kind of throwing me. At least it was until earlier this morning, when I figured out what my Redneck Elf Name is, and now I’m totally pumped for December Bender the Holidays. My game face: it is on.

XMAS

Hey, y’all! I’m Trixie, the gingerbread deerhunter!

I’ve never wished my last name began with a Q, but I would’ve been real pleased if my redneck name was Cletus. I don’t know why I’m so entertained by this – I guess there’s nothing like a naughty dope dealer named Bubba to get your head right about the Holidaze. (Credit: Kitty Decks)

Another thing that thwarted my acceptance of the imminent Yuletide Season was my trip to LA last week, Santa Monica specifically. I really like it out there – as I said after my last visit in June, while Los Angeles reminds me of outer space (and I HATE outer space), Santa Monica is delightful. It’s beautiful, it was 86 degrees, you’ve got mountains and beach….but it’s empty! Maybe I’m just used to having full body contact with 2-3 strangers on the subway each morning, but it was almost eerie how few people were out and about. Anyway, good trip, The Fairmont is a lovely place to stay, and I managed to snap this one evening leaving the office. No filtration, as ever, but does it not look like a fake movie set or similar?? I know, it totes does.

santa mon sunset

Sorry I’m not sorry if you don’t like vista pictures as much as I do.

I’ve had few blog-worthy anecdotes in my personal life of late – this isn’t a bad thing, as my anecdotal instances tend to include a lot of me being an idiot – but, as a result, I feel as though I am ‘connecting’ less with BBT. I shall persevere and instead of telling about my horrible flight on Friday (and it was AWFUL), I will instead give you lots of external links to peruse.

1. As devastating as Saturday’s loss was for the Dawgs and the Dawgnation, at least we’ve got this going for us…? According to Business Week’s list, WORK HARD, PLAY HARD: America’s Most Intense Colleges, The University of Georgia is numero uno.

“Many knock UGA as a party school. We’re well rounded, but let there be no mistake. UGA has become more selective 15 out of 16 straight years Michael Adams has been president. Our 2016 student profile is outstanding.”

“The University of Georgia is not really a big drug college. Alcohol is more likely the only thing that kids tend to struggle with since UGA is one of the top party schools in Georgia. Peer pressure is not something that happens for the most part. Either certain people do or they just don’t. If caught drinking under-aged their are definitely consequences and they are definitely reinforced!”

Eh. I have mixed feelings about this write-up. And nothing says academic excellence like the improper use of their/there! That’s embarrassing (for them, not for us).

2. I’ve learned to accept that we all have our strengths, and compiling holiday gift guides is not one of mine. The girls at Piece of Toast, however, have put together a pretty good guide for guys.  I have a serious question: do people give/use flasks anymore? Isn’t that kind of a high school/college graduation gift, or maybe a gag gift at some point during the same time period? I am legitimately curious about this. I’m not sure I’ve ever seen anyone use a flask, and I’ve seen a lot of people drink under-the-radar alcohol. That’s what airplane bottles are for. Or maybe I/the people I hang with aren’t classy enough for flasks? Anywho, lemme know.

3. PANDAZ. I’ll have one cub sandwich, please.

When this cub sandwich happened.

4. I guess everyone deserves happiness? This Rolling Stone article about infamous murderer, Charles Manson, and his 25 year old maybe-bride, Star, is…it’s weird. This will not bolster your goodwill towards men. It will, however, make you uncomfortable. Credit: Mary Cath. Because who else.

5. Let’s end things on a high note. Yes, that means with a heart-warming tale of puppy triumph. After tornadoes ravaged Illinois on Sunday, Jon Bann, his wife, and 4 daughters, were thankful to find themselves unscathed, but they were devastated by the apparent loss of their 11 year old dog, Maggie. A full day after the storm hit, Bann was digging thru the rubble that was his home and heard barking…Today News (NBC) reported:

“After it happened and my dog was lost, I didn’t feel right,’’ Dann said. “I felt extreme guilt, and I felt panic, but I really believe it’s because she was still alive and in there just waiting for me to find her.”

So when they found the dog buried under the rubble, the reunion proved incredibly emotional. “My children were relatively unscathed other than some scratches, and then finding my dog alive and kicking, it’s like everything else is a bonus,’’ Dann said.

maggie

Once the story went viral, donations started pouring in, and well over $4,000 has been raised to cover Maggie’s medical bills.

Now there’s something that should put everyone in the holiday spirit….

That’s all for today. HAPPY THANKSGIVING to you and yours.

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