Baxter Bark Twice

Do as I say, never as I do

Posts Tagged ‘TGIT’

Guess who’s back.

Posted by AllieB on April 12, 2012

Oh hey. It’s been over two months since I last wrote. Why, you ask? I’m not entirely sure why…but once one week goes by, and then another, and then five more, it gets real difficult to get back into things. Excuses, excuses…I have been overwhelmed by fan outrage, however, regarding BBT’s not-so-justified hiatus, so thanks for that. Sorry I made you mad, but sorry I’m not sorry you’ve made me feel loved. Anyway, for reals, lots of things happened that aided and abetted my absence…por ejemplo:

Tina and Kirk got married in Charleston…awesome weekend. A real highlight was the toast Jennifer and I gave at the Rehearsal Dinner, as well as the kickass 80’s band at the reception. I highly recommend going with a genre band, especially one where the singers have poofy perms and wear tight pants. It is the Ultimate Dance Party. The wedding, as you can see below, took place at the somewhat picturesque Legare-Waring House just outside of Charleston. I mean, I guess it was kind of attractive…ish.

Congrats to Tina and Kirk Adams!!! Salud.

Then, my sister Charlotte married Stanton here in Atlanta. I have to say, we throw a pretty great party…it was a wonderful weekend and I got to see all kinds of family that I never get to see, and we laughed and danced and ate and drank and everyone was very, very merry.

From top left: Gaylen, Allie, Jo, Char at welcoming party – we heart spray tans…bridesmaid luncheon…Rehearsal Dinner


We clean up nice, don’t we?

From top: Char and Stanton with Grandma…the most beautiful bride eva…cousins!!

Congrats to Charlotte and Stanton Maines!! Prost.

Let’s touch on a few other things:

– I am a HUGE fan of Flywheel, which just opened up in Atlanta. It’s a really aggressive spin class featuring very loud music and instructors who yell a lot – but in a good, motivating way. I even won the class the first time I took it…I have subsequently not performed so well, but it’s fun to have the competitive aspect of the “power board” where you can see how fast and far you go. I like that they give you the proper spinning shoes, also. Conversations you will likely overhear before/after Flywheel include: “So we’re headed down to Rosemary on Friday…John is already down there playing golf..” and “My shopper at Neiman’s called about the Cavalli I asked about…” and “I just got myself injected with all kinds of crap and now my face looks like it can blink itself, what do you think?” Ok, maybe not that last one, but you get my drift…there is excellent people watching at Flywheel. BBT highly recommends the entire experience.

-Jessica Simpson has yet to give birth. This scientific marvel truly makes my head explode, as I DO NOT UNDERSTAND HOW SHE IS STILL PREGNANT, but there’s still 8 more days til we meet…whatever the H it is that emerges from her. Listen, I was an 11 lb 2 oz baby, which I get is quite large – in fact, it is more than the total combined weight of Hilary and Norah when they were born – but this is completely ridiculous. Also, I’d like to note that she is serving as a wedding attendant in the pic below…can we all agree that if someone is this grossly ginormous pregnant, that maybe they can sit out on the bridesmaid duties? I mean, it’s not going to be good for photos. If I were J Simps, I’d hide under a rock – boulder? – until I gave birth.

However, something has happened that trumps BOTH my best friend and sister getting married…something that that will irrevocably alter my life forever and ever…

I got an iPhone. It’s arriving via FedEx today. I. Am. SO. EXCITED. I’ve already started accumulating apps. Please, share with me your favorites…and not like Instagram and other mainstream ones, but obscure, cool ones I need to have…and get ready to be dominated in Words with Friends.

Alright, that’s more than enough for now. I just wanted to say hey…hey.

Posted in Arbitrary | Tagged: , , , , | 8 Comments »

I’m in a glass case of emotion: the story of BBT

Posted by AllieB on December 8, 2011

Today’s inspiration: the word “inspiration.”

My Idol Person I Like a Normal Amount: Sloane Crosley. Sloane is why Baxter Bark Twice is even extant; she is who I wish to be. I hope she doesn’t have a Google alert set up for her name and reads this. Actually, I hope she does. Hi, Sloane. Sloane has written two books: I Was Told There’d be Cake and How Did You Get This Number? Both are compilations of personal essays ranging in subject matter from bridesmaid woes to international travel to failed relationships and hot-off-the-truck furniture. She is really funny and frank and sometimes it seems like she takes the thoughts from my head, aligns them in an articulate and coherent manner, and writes them down. Pallison had the good fortune to run into Sloane on Sunday at a Barney’s Co-op in NYC. She co-opted (wordplay!) her in the dressing room, and absolutely spewed word vomit about how she and her friend Allie were her biggest fans, how we’re both friends with her on Facebook (true story), and how that line out of How Did You Get This Number, “it wasn’t as real as you thought it was” changed both of our lives. (Read the book. You’ll see what we mean.) Sloane, ever graceful, handled the situation with aplomb. Anyway, in an ideal world, BBT’s posts will parlay into longer, more personal essays, multiply several times in number, and become compilations that will be published. Fingers crossed!

Sorry for saying “spewed word vomit” with regard to your actions, Pal. I probably could have opted for a different choice of words – I didn’t, but I could have.

Person Whose Closet I Want:

Olivia Palermo. Gah.

The Movie From Which “Baxter Bark Twice” Originated: Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy. Baxter is the name of Ron’s dog, and, after Baxter is drop-kicked over a bridge (see below), he goes missing. Later in the movie, Ron receives a call from someone who he obviously assumes is his lost dog, and says, “Hello? Who’s there? Hello? Who is this? Baxter… is that you? Baxter! Bark twice if you’re in Milwaukee…” See? My last name is Baxter, so it makes sense. Team Newnan can take credit for this moniker.

Weeeeeeeee!

So, that’s how that happened. I always assume that everyone knows why Baxter Bark Twice is called Baxter Bark Twice, but I suppose if you’ve never seen a movie or if you hate to laugh, you could very well have no idea. Glad I was able to clear things up. If you’re looking to kill some time, I highly recommend visiting IMDB and reading quotes from the movie. I could do this all day.

Veronica Corningstone: I will have you know that I have more talent and more intelligence in my little finger than you do in your entire body, sir.
Ron Burgundy: You are a smelly pirate hooker.
Veronica Corningstone: You look like a blueberry.
Ron Burgundy: Why don’t you go back to your home on Whore Island?
Veronica Corningstone: Well, you have bad hair.

Ok, the end. Have a very thirsty Thursday!

Posted in Arbitrary | Tagged: , , , , | 9 Comments »

Enlighten me.

Posted by AllieB on December 1, 2011

Forget my lame suggestion of ties yesterday, if you’re willing to fork over $750, THIS is what you should buy the guy in your life:

It’s The BEASTIE BOYS! Per NYMag: Packaged in a handsome metal box are three eleven-inch dolls — fully poseable! — each with their own stands, white jumpsuits, goggles, work boots, and safety vests. (Who knew these rebels were OSHA compliant?) Tossed in for good measure is the two-disc deluxe version of their Sounds of Science. Yes, at $750 it’s a bit pricey for a meta-gift, but proceeds from all sales are split between two charities that benefit kids with cancer.

Fully poseable?! Who could pass. You’re welcome.

For this week’s Confounding Conundrum, I share with you the pictorial comparison below. Shown are two women: both are approximately 5’2″ and share the same thick trunk/shoulder/no-neck body type; both are five months pregnant.

And I guess the similarities end there, because evidently Hillary Duff is giving birth to a newborn human, whereas Jessica Simpson is giving birth to Shaq. I do wish that Hillary had on tights or a longer skirt, but for the most she looks pretty great. And it’s not that Jessica looks bad, per se, it’s that she still has FOUR MONTHS TO GO. This begs the question – what on earth is she growing in there?

I am reminded of the classic film, Men in Black. Rookie agent, Will Smith, is new on the job and is innocently helping a woman he believes to be human deliver her child. Everything is going as well as it could be, when BOOM!

Squid baby.

All I’m saying is: if I were Eric What’s-His-Face, I’d stick out the delivery in the waiting room, just to be safe.

Happy Birthday to BOBBY! BBT hearts you. XX

Take it easy and just be breezy. Yours in ridicule,

Baxter Bark Twice

LEST I FORGET: My friend Helen’s biz, H&H Home, will be featured as part of One Kings Lane’s signature Tastemaker Tag Sale series:  One Kings Lane will be offering our vintage and one-of-a-kind items at up to 50% off retail, starting TONIGHT, December 1st at 6:00 PM PST / 9 PM EST. Our Collection includes a curated assortment of newly finished, never-before-seen items hand-selected by H&H Home. To learn more, and preview the collection, visit www.handhhome.com. To join One Kings Lane and shop OUR sale, go to https://www.onekingslane.com/sales/12418 

ALSO: Scout for the Home is open til 8 tonight and will be serving wine. Scout is a great place to buy smaller items for the home/gifts…think mothers, sisters, friends and the like.

Posted in Celebs, Really? | Tagged: , , , | 3 Comments »

Guys Hate It When You’re Annoying; Girls Would Rather You Not Fart (Survey Part Deux)

Posted by AllieB on October 13, 2011

I thought that doing a second survey was a really great idea, and I’m thinking I thought wrong. The last one was pretty entertaining; this one – not so much. My questions weren’t particularly interesting or insightful, which is probably part of the problem. To keep the lameness to a minimum, I am therefore ignoring the multiple choice questions and just sharing the write in responses. I didn’t do much editing, but a few things had to go.

One thing I was not overwhelmed by was the number of participants :| Whatever, ok, here we go…

First, the Boys: “I hate it when my girlfriend (or whatever you have)….” 

– Is sad

– Could go on forever here, even with a girl I love. We were made to piss each other off to a certain extent because nothing easy is worth doing.

– Wish there was more room to elaborate. Will send you a pdf file later this week with my essay

– gets all in her own head and lets it make her mad/sad/depressed.

– tells me I “need to update my wardrobe”. Not b/c it’s not true, just b/c it’s repeated in those exact same words time and time again, like the previous time didn’t happen.

– Doesn’t stay active and exercise on a regular basis.

– starts random fights for no reason whatsoever on a frequent basis.

– Is annoying

– has an opinion about sports. Just watch the game and cheer on the right team, but please no input on what is actually happening in the game.

– Is a whiny bitch and feels entitled

– is moody. The love of your life, so fun one minute and a total bitch the next.

– Tells me that Johnny T’s teeth are whiter than mine.

– is always late

– Wont give me a ride to my car

– Calls to tell me an irrelevant story about her day…especially when its not funny in the slightest.

– busts my balls

-gets drunker than I do

In your gf’s defense, Johnny T does have exceptionally white teeth. Girls, take note: be less sad, go for a run, don’t get too drunk, be on time, stop whining, be less bitchy, don’t tell that ‘irrelevant’ story…jeez. Sorry I asked. You can hang on to that PDF essay, I’m pretty sure I’m not interested.

Now the Ladies: “I hate it when my boyfriend (or whatever you have)…” 

– farts in the car

– fails to tell me he is leaving town for a month. (commonly referred to as an “ex-boyfriend”)

– belittles me in front of his friends in an attempt to project coolness amongst his male peers…fyi dude, your the one that looks like an idiot. And you have issues with insecurity. deal. breaker.

– tries to wear polo shirts w/ stripes on them. no.

– fails to exist

– Bitches about my drunkenness. Or when he eats on the sofa.

– …….not enough room to answer

– tries to order for me at a restaurant. I’ll interrupt.

– puts it off on me when he is not social or does not go out.  It pisses me off so much. Just tell your friends that you do not want to go out, don’t put it off on me like that. Not Fair!

– acts immature

burns incense* and wears mesh shorts (not at the same time or, yea, maybe at the same time too)

– farts under the covers

– Snores

– talks about how hot your friends are

– eats late night & leaves crumbs & pb finger prints all over my kitchen, makes this terrible sound when he scratches his throat, tells me he’ll come to bed as soon as he finishes his beer but really stays up to burn incense

– chain smokes

– calls me dude.

– Hangs out with his girlfriend

– says he will do something and doesn’t. False promises suck. Duh.

– puts dirty dishes on the counter or in the sink instead of the dishwasher.

– ignores me and plays with the cat instead

– Leaves his dirty clothes everywhere and is very messy

– eats healthier than I do!

– won’t fight back – what an idiot.

*These boys are not burning incense, if you get my drift…

I don’t really know what to do with these – some of y’all might need to reassess your relationship status, and some of you are kind of anal… no offense. I’m having a hard time coming up with a theme – each person who responded hates a different thing that their Significant Other or whomever does, and I guess there’s really no rhyme or reason to how or why things do or don’t work out. Deep Thoughts, by BBT. Guys: best of luck to you… Ok, no more surveys.

Me: what are you doing tonight?

You: going to Kramer’s for Matt’s birthday!!

 :(

Friendly reminder: I choose the winner of the $20 iTunes gift card at noon tomorrow, so ya better  hurry over to Facebook and like the Baxter Bark Twice page if you want a chance to win…!

Posted in Arbitrary, Imparting Wisdom | Tagged: , , | 9 Comments »

Is she? She is, isn’t she?

Posted by AllieB on September 29, 2011

Everyone knows that InTouch is for photographic perusal ONLY and that their news reporting is almost always erroneous, but when they say things like this – I pay attention:

Exclusive: It’s Official: Jessica Simpson IS Pregnant!

The denim and FARM incident of 2k9 will never go away. Ever. BULGE.

No one is really giving InTouch an exclusive anything (except that stupid LeAnn Rimes, maybe – she is the WORST), but I’m going with it. To quote another newsworthy source, Hollywood Reporter, “Jess has sorta looked pregnant for awhile. Now she actually is!” I can’t decide if I want her to be or not…you can’t make fun of pregnant people for being fat. Though she could really blow up – the same article also reported that she’s craving nachos dipped in chocolate, so this is promising…I guess now she’ll actually have to confirm or deny via reputable news source. BOLO!

Speaking of bulge, I have undertaken the onerous burden of attending tastings with my Mom to choose a caterer for CKB’s wedding in March. I kid, this is like my favorite activity ever. You recall The Allie Awards, yes? No one has contacted me about being the face of the Allie’s…I could even MC the next award show. Who are you wearing, you look fabulous..!! Ok, my Allie Awards need some serious updating – a lot has changed since September 2010 and there are some HIGHLY egregious errors:

Best Hot Sandwich: Publix’s Philly Cheesesteak - was I on glue? Duh, it’s Mr C’s.

Best Quesadilla: Paul’s on the Patio (you’d be surprised) - well, they took it off the menu, so that’s gone. Plus their service blows. This one’s up for grabs – thoughts???

Best Stuffed Pasta (on a budget): Trader Joe’s Portobello Mushroom Ravioli - truth.

Best Stuffed Pasta (not so much on a budget): Sotto Sotto’s Ravioli Nudi - yes.

Best Nachos: Tavern 99 - I’m humiliated that this is on BBT. I don’t even remember the food there; all I can think about are the waitresses in sexy umpire outfits. And by sexy I mean really really not. TREEHOUSE is the new winner on this one.

I have to go do some work before my third and final tasting this afternoon. And then go on a 5 or 3 mile yog. Do yourself a favor and check out Toe Pick SF today – and not just because I got a shout out (I love shout outs) but because it’s some good shiz.

 Just wanted to say hey to my gal pals. Hey!

Posted in Celebs, Food & Drink | Tagged: , , , , , | 7 Comments »