Baxter Bark Twice

Do as I say, never as I do

Posts Tagged ‘NYC’

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Marla Hooch: What a Hitter

Posted by AllieB on January 24, 2013

It’s not easy doing this – being strung along by the promise of awesomeness and glory, the sweet taste of victory in attainable, if-we-just-make-this-play reach…you know where I’m going with this: such is the life of a Georgia sports fan. I don’t know why the sports gods decided to screw so badly with our heads and hearts this year, but it was not fair. We rose up across the nation, and to no avail. It really sucks.

I pondered this at late nights on occasion in ATL, but now that I’ve moved up here and find myself walking and listening to music simultaneously I think about it a lot: what would my walk-out song be if I were a Braves player? What would blare over the loudspeakers to announce my presence as I sauntered/swaggered to home plate? Don’t scoff, I’m serious. This week my choice is Kashmir by Led Zeppelin, specifically at the 2:00 mark. Next week it might be DMX or Nicki Manaj…but this week it’s LZ.

Sister, yours would be “I’m a Loser Baby” by Beck.

loser

Thank you, Marla Hooch, for taking the time to share your thoughts on BBT today. You probably won’t be invited back.

And now, for the weather. It is soul-crushingly cold in NYC this week.  I’ve heretofore never experienced this kind of chill, where you’re in physical agony after two minutes outside, even when you’re APPROPRIATELY dressed. Never was I ever appropriately dressed in Atlanta. Rain, cold, snow – I just suffered for the 10 second walk to my car and wore backless shirts year round whatever I pleased. Today I am wearing leg warmers seriously, without any irony. I purchased them at American Apparel for a dress-up engagement party (great idea, btw, highly recommend a costume-required engagement party), and I am wearing them today with boots. Y’ALL IT IS COLD. Normally I like to take a stroll during lunch, but this week all I’ve done is take a stroll to the lobby to meet my Seamless delivery dude. People aren’t meant to live like this; I need a full-length mink. Buff, send me yours, I need it more than you do.

so emo

#swaddled #slightlyfurrowed #lusciouslocksthankstoEquinox #thatrhymes #lesmissoundtrack

If I look pissed it’s because I am. It was one degree this morning. ONE DEGREE. Hilary said it best: “That’s not a temperature. A temperature is like 65. Or 85. 1 is like how many pizzas I’d like today. Not a temperature.” Agreed. And now I’ll be ordering pizza for lunch. UPDATE: I went with sushi.

In celeb news…There are few things I love more and am better at handling than being proven wrong. I definitely don’t like to be right all the time, and I’m happy to accept another’s assertion of truth over my own. I trust you all sensed my tone. However, sometimes facts are facts, and I just have to go with it - case in point: this photo of T Swizzle. I’ve called her boring, lame, and even Taylor “what’s that? I just fell asleep” Swift, but she looked pretty smoke at The People’s Choice Awards a couple of weeks ago…not bad, T Swizz, not bad at all.

taylor-swift

This doesn’t mean I like you, but it might mean I recently purchased your newest single. Speaking of celebs! I saw Padma Lakshmi from Top Chef at Raoul’s on Saturday night. She is stunning but would be even more so if she wiped that snarky smirk off her face – she did not look like someone I want to be friends with. I’m really killing it with my celeb sightings.

So, this happened: a couple of Saturdays ago, before the Apocalypse and you could go outside without 18 layers of clothing, I was sitting in Union Square enjoying a nice cup of hot cider from one of the vendors at the park’s Farmers Market, reading my Kindle. I was early meeting people for brunch/lunch, so I sat for a sec, enjoying the mild temp and pleasantly quiet day. OR SO I THOUGHT.

“Hello, excuse me, hi.” The man’s voice startled me, and I sloshed my cider. Annoyed, I was all set to pull my usual avoid-and-ignore move, but I decided to do things differently – I was just a girl, sitting in the park, drinking some hot cider, why couldn’t I have a normal conversation with him.

“Yes, hi,” I responded with a half-smile. A HALF-SMILE!

“Do you mind if I sit down?” Before I could answer, he sat down right next to me – right next to me when I was surrounded by empty benches. My half-smile began to waiver.

“So, what’s your name?” he asked eagerly as he leaned towards me, effectively violating any and all social mandates re: personal space.

“My name is Allie…” I said while I adjusted my position, trying to communicate that he was about six inches closer than what was already too close.

“OH I KNEW IT! I knew your name would be something like Allie!!” What does that even mean? “My name is Alex. But I bet you could have guessed that. Alex and Allie!”

“Yeah, I don’t know that I could have…”

“But who knows? Right? That’s why I just love this f*ckin city. So, Allie, I think we should hang out sometime…” At this point, I started gathering my things – I really did try and be friendly because hey, why not, but he was putting out a weird-and-getting-weirder vibe and he also looked like Voldemort’s rat-like sidekick. I’d had enough.

they weren't identical twins or anything, but that was my first thought: Peter Pettigrew

they weren’t identical twins or anything, but that was my first thought: Peter Pettigrew

He began to protest: “Wait, you’re not leaving! You didn’t even get to hear what I was going to say! I was going to say I wanted to hang out with you and your FRIENDS. Not just YOU! I bet you’ve got cute friends. You can set me up!”

This was too much. “You want to hang out with my friends? You’re using me to get to my friends? Whom you’ve never met? And you want me to make the introduction?” I know I sounded a little incredulous, but this guy was the worst. Plus he was wearing some kind of unpleasantly odorous cologne that was 100% AXE Body Spray, or possibly its generic version. No gracias.

“Sure, why not. Maybe they are nicer than you. Maybe THEY would want to hang out sometime.”

I sensed Alex’s teasing/pouting act was a quick stop on the way to TemperTown, so I bade him farewell and got to to brunch/lunch 20 mins early. I thought I did okay for a first attempt at random conversation with someone whom I initially had wanted to run away from. Another one of my non-resolutions is to, eventually, retire my Flat-Face as it pertains to meeting members of the opposite sex. This will be my Everest.

Did you notice how this kind of read like a newscast? Sports, weather, celeb stuff, wrapping up with a human interest story…  #notmybestwork

Posted in Arbitrary, Celebs | Tagged: , , , , , , , | 9 Comments »

The Year of the Snake

Posted by AllieB on January 10, 2013

Welcome to 2k13. How’s it going so far? Have you made your New Year’s resolutions and declared abstention from all things evil and pledged allegiance to kale and yoga?  I hate New Year’s ressies – that’s annoying for resolutions – so I think this year I just won’t talk about them.

Except maybe a little because I want do a some humble bragging. In the scant ten days of this year, I have secured an awesome apartment on what could possibly be the most charming block in NYC; I signed over my first born and joined Equinox (I know the year is less than two weeks old, but I feel pretty good about my consistent attendance because I simply cannot reconcile the outrageous cost unless I actually go…even if it’s just to sit in the steam room and take a shower with the Khiel’s products – that obviously still counts); I already got my yearly physical; I have scheduled a trip that includes the use of my passport; I completed my Christmas thank you notes.…y’all, I’m teeing myself up for quite a year.

Let it be said: I do not believe that the manner in which one’s year begins is at all indicative of the course it might take. My 2012 started off in the crapper and wound up being one of my very best. I’m pretty sure that, had it continued on as it started, I likely would’ve ended the year face down in a gutter somewhere, not thriving- THRIVING! – in NYC…we can all be glad things went uphill instead of down.

Puppy break!!

yaaawn

Are you yawning like ze pooches? A couple months of things going well and I’m suddenly the Dalai Lama. If you’re looking for life lessons, keep looking – or hold your horses for a few years until I write my book. Said book will be a lighthearted and breezy, yet substantial and thought-provoking, collection of essays or novel that is neither fiction nor non – it’ll be a little of both. I realize many of you might say, “duh, like a gazillion people have already written that same book”, but most of the ones already written kinda suck, and mine won’t. So, BOLO for that.

I really am excited about my apartment, and I am excited to have visitors – everyone is welcome!!! Except Hilary. There’s no room at the inn for Hilary.

hilary ew

Get away from me, you toadstool. Tybee 2008. I’m restraining myself from having an ALL CAPS panic attack about how long ago 2008 was.

In other news…

Jessica Simpson is ENORMOUS; not due until sometime in 2015

Taylor Swift is sad; sent home alone on boat

The hottest, spiciest meal in the world will make you cry, take a walk, and then hallucinate

I saw Meg Ryan at Mercer Kitchen on Saturday night – she has not aged well…I was a little frightened. I also saw Jake Gyllenhaal in Union Square on New Year’s Eve day…he is my height (5’7″) and kind of needed a shower, but he has a truly dazzling smile.

RISE UP!!!

As an act of respect and admiration, I have chosen to not discuss The Duchess’s pregnancy. I wish her and William the very best, and I, along with the rest of the planet, await with breath that is bated for the newest member of the Royal Family.  It was also Her Highness’s birthday yesterday – how strange that she and I don’t have the same birthday, us being twins and all…

I read over this, and I am uncomfortable with all the heralding I did re: my good fortune, so I will share with you some of the other things I’ve accomplished in 2013 to cut me back down to size:

1. I lost and found my purse six times on Saturday night.

2. The strap to my gym bag broke because it got stuck in my boot heel (fun-da-men-tals). This was a true act of grace on its own, but the real treat was the tumble that ensued as a result…you’re welcome fellow foot commuters on Park between 53rd and 54th.

3. I went for the hug and he went for the handshake.

Proof positive that things are as ever in the life of BBT…

Posted in Arbitrary | Tagged: , , , , , | 11 Comments »

Normalcy: it’s not for everyone

Posted by AllieB on November 14, 2012

The people-watching in New York is second to no other place I’ve been, including Flora-Bama. It’s a veritable sensory overload up here. Some days I am no mood to observe or interact with my fellow citizens, and I put in my headphones and keep to myself, and other times I like to immerse myself in my surroundings and see what peeps are up to…it is during these times that I hear things I wish I could unhear and see things I wish I could unsee.

Cut to: Sunday morning in a coffee shop in the East Village.

It was a lovely Sunday morning – daylight savings was the night previous, everyone was well-rested…a perfect bluebird fall day. I was standing in line at a locally-owned coffee shop to order some tea (I prefer Earl Grey), while the rest of my party retrieved the bagels. Spirits were high – I may have even been humming, I don’t know. I’d been there for only a short while when I got bored with my own thoughts and started listening to the twosome ahead of me. It was a boy and a girl, each carrying a musical instrument case – pretty sure both were banjos – who were meeting to go play a gig. The boy, we’ll call him Boy, was wearing one of those pork-pie hats, a sweater vest, and stonewashed jeans that were so stiff and sturdy they could likely stand up on their own.

As for the girl (Girl), just picture a much frumpier, less cute, more nasal, infinitely less charming Zooey Deschanel.

These descriptions, I realize, are not very flattering, and I honestly don’t think it was until after I heard their conversation that I began to view them so negatively. I think you’ll understand why:

Girl: So I’m totally thrown off by the time change, I had no idea where I was, what time it was, or what I was doing when I woke up. It was soooooo weird. I don’t even know what’s happening right now

Boy: Oh. Yeah. I don’t DO that whole “extra hour of sleep” thing. I stayed up an extra hour later just to be sure I didn’t get any more sleep than I usually do, because I don’t believe that you can just HAVE a free extra hour of sleep, you know? That’s just not how I do things.

Girl: For sure, I get that.

Boy: Yeah. I feel perfect today. Totally the same as I did yesterday. I don’t even really need this coffee, it’s just something to do while we wait for our ride. I’m not, like, tired – I’m totally on level.

Girl: Yeah. Yeah.

Oh COME ON. I wanted to yank that stupid hat off his head and stomp on it with my mass-produced, non-vintage boots. What an a-hole. WHO DOESN’T LOVE AN EXTRA HOUR OF SLEEP!? I’d always thought that was a rhetorical question – evidently, it is not. At least my bagel was delicious. I don’t think I’ve written an NYC post without talking about bagels, and that is because they are so awesome up here. I have one/week.

 Boy in pork pie hat who hates sleep + whiny celeb wannabe Girl = the flattest of all of my faces (for all my talk about flat face, there aren’t very many pictures of it…I’m actually quite smiley. Here is one exception: this is me during last week’s big storm. There is nothing remotely resembling a smile on my face.)

Let’s get current on some events:

– go see Skyfall. It is the best Bond movie of the Brosnan/Craig era, and not just because of Daniel Craig the scenery, Daniel Craig the chase scenes, Daniel Craig the Bond Girls, and Daniel Craig, but because it’s actually a good story. BBT says: a TEN! BBT also recommends Argo; it, too, is excellent.

– the CEO of the Irish airline, RyanAir, wants to start selling standing-room only tickets on flights. This seems to me a really dumb idea – possibly the dumbest I have ever heard. BBT says: I’m not going to dignify this with a response.

– Jessica Simpson is looking better (credit: People by way of Caro) – I guess anyone is going to look good next to her fugly mess of a sister. BBT says: Woof (but keep up the good work, Yessica!)

My idea of what constitutes a current event is perhaps incorrect.

Have a happy hump day! My Wednesday got started off on the wrong foot when I somehow managed to ride two stops in the wrong direction on the subway. I had to get off, climb all the way up the stairs, cross over Park, go back down more stairs, and wait for another train. I’m so ashamed – what a rookie mistake. The good news is that once today is over it will be Thursday, and then it will be Friday.

Posted in Arbitrary | Tagged: , , , , , | 6 Comments »

Survival of the Fittest

Posted by AllieB on November 6, 2012

Hey! Let’s do this.

It’s Election Day. I do not discuss politics on BBT, so this is more of just a friendly reminder – just in case you live in a hole or are not on Facebook. Go rock your vote.

Sandy was but a week ago, and we’re already bracing ourselves for another storm – a “blustery Nor’easter” they’re calling it. It is impossible to say “Nor’easter” without looking or sounding like a moron (seriously, say it and you’ll totes see what I mean), so in lieu of that word I will say “bad storm.” This bad storm will bring rain and wind and snow and why again did I move here?

 Oh yeah. That’s why.

Speaking of Sandy, it totally sucked. No power for three days is really bad for morale, especially since there were no subways. No subways -> sidewalk stampedes. I had more than one near death experience on my commute, from people rocket launching themselves off scaffolding to the B*TCH who shoved me into oncoming fraffic. Such atrocities brought out a heretofore unseen side of BBT: Commuter Allie. Commuter Allie kind of reminds me of The Hulk and I hope she never comes around again because that is not a good look for moi. It really was so manic.  Thank goodness for Wine Girl.

Were I to write a guide about survival (working title Survival: A Guide), I would be sure to mention the following:

1. Wine. Lots of it. Even if you think you have enough, you probably need more – it’s not like it goes bad, AND if the storm lasts a really long time you could sell it at a huge mark-up to those who were stupidly less prepared, or issue a steep IOU to be cashed in at a later date. (This is a survival guide, not a How to be a Pushover Handbook.)

2. A large stack of clean clothes. Seriously, if a storm is coming, get thee to a washing machine.

3. I should probably say water.

4. Scrabble.

5. Electronics with awesome battery power – my Kindle was the runaway champion of battery longevity, while my iPhone died after about three hours. The darkhorse hero was my work Blackberry, which lasted a full 12 hours longer than the iPhone…

6. Headlamps. Seriously, you’ll be a lot happier during a power outage if you’re hands-free.

7. Jordan’s homemade Pumpkin Cranberry Bread

8. The ability to laugh at how much whatever situation you’re in sucks*. If you can’t laugh, excuse yourself from the group because the last thing anyone needs when the going gets tough is a Debbie Downer. My survival guide has a very strict NO DD policy.

This has best-seller written all over it.

The Wedding of the Year betwixt Bill and Sister was awesome. Salud! Prost! I thought about sharing the transcript of my toast, but I lost my notes. I do know it began with, “Hi, my name is Allie Baxter” and it massively bombed, like really blew went uphill from there.

BBT and beautimous bride; first dance to Marry Me, Bill (tear); the most amazing groom’s cake there ever was: Casey WaWa made it after all…

I’m getting super excited for Christmas up here. Who’s coming to visit???

Georgia sports – both professional and collegiate – seem to be thriving in my absence. I am sure this is no coincidence, and you’re all very welcome. Sic ‘em and RISE UP.

And now for some literacy. It’s long but it’s worth it: Ken Follet’s Century Trilogy. I’m almost done with book #2, and, according to Goog, I have to wait until 2014 for #3. WTF. Ken Follet, expect a visit from Commuter Allie…if historical fiction is not up your alley, perhaps try this kind of twisted mystery by Shatter by Joseph O’Loughlin. I read about it in People mag a few weeks ago, so if you can’t take my word for it, you can take theirs. My subway/train rides are among the highlights of my day, thanks to my Kindle reader (courtesy of my very generous big sister, CKB).

It’s completely insane that it’s already November and Thanksgiving is a scant three weeks away. Where does the time go? Who knows where thoughts come from – they just appear. Have a great day and a great week. #clearheartsclearmindscantlose

*On a more serious note, while Hurricane Sandy was a walk inthe park for most of us, it was horrible for thousands of others. My sister, who’d been planning to run the marathon on Sunday before it was canceled, is now running one this weekend in efforts to raise money for those who were rendered homeless or hungry from the storm. Should you feel so inclined, follow this link to donate. Gracias.

Posted in Arbitrary | Tagged: , , , , , | 3 Comments »

Did someone eat an onion bagel?

Posted by AllieB on October 9, 2012

Long time, no see! I kind of meant to give BBT a makeover before I wrote again, but that requires time and effort, the former of which I have little and the latter…well, you know how I do with things that require effort. Nevertheless I decided touching base was more important than a new face (that rhymes), so here I am. Hello.

What have I been up to, you ask? Let’s go with the list approach:

1. I moved to New York! 100 points to Gryffindor, because I love it. Honestly, I haven’t been around that much due to an aggressive Fall Wedding Schedule (FWS henceforth), but I’m making the transition pretty smoothly. Turns out someone with my skills and background is very much in demand, and I got job at a reputable, heard-of company doing legitimate, paycheck-worthy tasks, so that’s good – I really like it so far. NYC is a tough place to be sans income.

I call this one “Skyscrapers” – Empire State; Chrysler Building; Twin Towers

Moving here is by far the best idea I’ve ever had, and I don’t know why it took me so long to figure this out. I think I was like half-dead in Atlanta or something; I’m pretty sure we can all agree I was not maximizing my potential as a person. Ever since I made up the saying “wherever you go, you’re still there”, I’ve realized that a change of scenery can be just what the doctor ordered, but it also isn’t a magical panacea that fixes everything. NYC is giving me the kick in the pants I sorely needed, but now it’s up to me to actually dooooooo something – which I fully believe I will. Ok, I can ramble on forever using stale cliches and ruminating on abstract notions, so I’ll shut it down. In conclusion: me + NYC = good.

2. Weddings are happening.

Hadley and Greg’s wedding in Newport!

From top left: wedding day with the class of 2001; the somewhat picturesque altar at White Castle Inn where they exchanged vows (and the microphone into which I read my reading, which did not work despite the rigorous testing that occurred minutes previous; I handled it like champ, totally unruffled, even when the plane flew overhead thereby completely drowning me out…other people’s weddings are all about me, right?); besties at the clam bake; a historical mansion in Newport with a two-story funhouse water slide (I found this strange.)

3. Happening some more…

Hilary and Jim’s wedding in Savannah!!

From top left: the perfect reception accessory; rear view photography by B.Ward; Agnes and Jim (this is not at the wedding, but Agnes is in a life jacket, so I stuck it in there anyway); Pal-Bert-Mrs. BillyBelShipley-Pants; Savannah Yacht Club vista

4. I think you can guess where I’m going with this

Jennifer and Alex’s wedding in Sandestin!

From top left: four favorites at the Rehearsal D.; #nofilter pic of Rehearsal D at Bentley’s on the Bay; BEAUTIFUL BRIDE; bride & groom (credit: Heather); my margarita enjoying the beach

I’ll tell you, if you’ve gotta have four of your nearest and dearest get married within six weeks of each other, I hope you’re as lucky as I am in that they are all incredibly breezy, laidback, obviously beautiful brides whom you genuinely enjoy celebrating. I’d have gladly gone to Pigeon Forge for these girls, but I’m glad I got to go to the beach instead. Three down, one to go…I’ll see you in nine days, Pants.

5. In my sixth grade Language Arts class I was taught that a list/outline should always be constructed in odd numbers.

I’ve got lots more where this came from – I didn’t even go into the story about the broad-backed beast of a girl who stole the bagel OUT OF MY HANDS at Starbucks in Bryant Park, or the pre-school teacher who accosted me in the bathroom at Frankie’s 570  in the West Village to talk about AND show me her FUPA, but I promise I’ll be back…have a nice Tuesday, if that’s even possible – Tuesdays are still the worst day. Oh, here – this proves my point nicely: I searched random holidays that fall on October 9, and I found this…that’s right….Happy Moldy Cheese Day.

Bummer.

*Today’s title obviously pays homage to one of my top 5 movies, Devil Wears Prada, but it also describes me on Bagel Friday. Every Friday at work there is a huge spread of bagels (which is awesome), and last Friday I found myself engaged in a “getting-to-know-you” conversation with someone who had indeed just eaten an onion bagel. Onion bagels should disallowed in the workplace; onion bagels and tuna salad are herewith banned.

Posted in Arbitrary | Tagged: , , , , , , | 7 Comments »

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