Baxter Bark Twice

Do as I say, never as I do

Posts Tagged ‘note to self’

Top 10 Reasons Why You’re Still Single

Posted by AllieB on March 27, 2014

I’m not going to sugarcoat it.

10. I can smell your Eau de Desperate musk from here. We all can.

9. You UGLY. Just kidding.

8. LET IT GO. Stuff happens, and it’s a fact of life that the older you get the more baggage you’ll be toting around, but maybe you should assess how you’re handling said bags…are you the person trying to stuff your full size rollerboard, 50 lb duffle, overcoat, and laptop case in the overhead compartment? No one likes you. Here’s an idea: how about checking the big, bulky ones? You’re not trying to hide the extra luggage, you’re just stowing it someplace more convenient and out of the way…bonus: people like me won’t kick you in the shins as we finally pass by your seat after watching you wrassle with your crap for 30 minutes.

Emotional baggage -> literal baggage

7. Your horizons: they are too narrow. Eschew all you think to be true about your “type.” Chemistry is a tricky, unpredictable thing, and who knows who or what might strike your fancy. I’m not saying lower your standards; I’m simply suggesting that maybe your white knight rides a black horse.

6. The idea of your sacred alone time becoming shared time with another human is unsettling.

5. You’re not even trying. If you’re not meeting new people – be it at a bar, volunteering, a concert, whatever – then you really might die alone. There is also online dating and speed dating, and, once you have a target in mind, casual stalking & choreographing “accidental” run-ins. In the words of someone annoying, you miss 100% of the shots you don’t take.

4. You have a blog. Two words: Flat Face

3. You’re too social. You’re a recluse. You drink too much. You’re uptight. You’re a slob. You’re OCD. You’re too aggressive. You don’t take initiative. You’re not motivated. You’re always at the office. Your Flywheel classes are making you poor. Why are you so fat.

Huh? I’ll explain: it seems you’re damned if you do and damned if you don’t, so might as well go ahead and fly that freak flag at full mast. We all deserve to have someone look meaningfully into our eyes and say: “I like you very much. Just as you are.”

2. You took this quiz on Buzzfeed, How Single Are You?, and got “Destined to be Single.” Oh.

…and the #1 reason why you’re still single…

Well, I don’t actually know. But this could have something to do with it:

everything happens for a reason(Source)

Conversely, it could just as easily explain why you’re not single…

TGIT! I hope you’re enjoying this lovely Sprinter – or Wing, if you’d prefer. I have a nonnegotiable “No Tights” policy that kicks in April 1, so YO, Mother Nature: let’s wrap it up.

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Karma As It Applies to Me: An Essay

Posted by AllieB on May 23, 2013

I always thought it to be so,  but now I know for sure: karma is real. It exists, and it should be acknowledged as a true thing that happens. My belief in this is not religious or anything; it’s how I believe some things happen for a reason, or that three rights make a left – it just is. I like to think I would always do the right thing because character is what you do when no one’s looking, but up in this city, when presented with right v wrong, I definitely take into account how my actions could come back around…

MmmHmmm you know that's right

MmmHmmm you know that’s right

My karmic journey began at CVS on Madison and 34th last Thursday. I was walking home from work because I couldn’t find a cab and sometimes I hate the subway it was nice out, and I needed new hair clips and Vaseline (yes) so I stopped by CVS. I like CVS because they have self-checkout. As I went to ring up my purchases, I noticed that the machine was still beeping, “take your change” – sure enough, in the cash dispenser was a whole wad of bills, evidently forgotten by the person who’d been there before me. I took the cash and the receipt and found the nearest employee, explaining the sitch. “OH MY WORD!” the woman said, rifling thru the bills, “look at all these MONIES!!” Indeed. I have no idea how she handled it from there, but I knew I’d done the right thing, and I felt good about that.

Which brings me to…Saturday night. Oh no – Saturday night. I knowingly* set my phone down on a bar – for safekeeping, obviously – and accidentally left it there. When I woke up on Sunday, I was pretty sure it was at this bar/restaurant where we’d been, but they weren’t open so I couldn’t confirm. My mind started racing thru all the possibilities…ANOTHER lost phone!? My morale plummeted to depths heretofore unseen. But there was something in me – an innate belief in the goodness of mankind, I think it was – that had me almost positive that I would see my phone again. AND I WAS RIGHT. The very kind proprietor held onto my phone and I retrieved it Monday.

*unknowingly

Here’s what: had I not turned in the money last Thursday at CVS, I am certain that someone would have thieved my phone on Saturday night. Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. If it’s not yours, don’t take it. Thou shalt not steal.

stealing

Just kidding!! I was testing you.

Another example of karmic retribution: Lime Fresh Mexican Grill in Atlanta has CLOSED! All of them. BBT was anti from the word go: you can’t serve crappy food with poor service and expect to sustain an existence amongst Hall of Famers like Willy’s and Barberitos and Chipotle. I had to add Chipotle because that’s all I have access to up here, and it’s really pretty good…although my prayers have been answered and the Willy’s in Concourse B at Hartsfield-Jackson is finally open. Hallelujah. CC: Caro, K, Lucy

Everyone knows what a disaster apartment hunting in NYC can be. I don’t, really, because mine fell in my lap and is perfect, but most everyone else does, so I think we can all appreciate this new blog, The Worst Room. It lifts listings from actual apartment websites and shares the pics along with perfectly edited descriptions (credit: Joe, but also NYMag Approval Matrix (Joe, BUSTED))

Union Square, Manhattan. $1000.00<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /> &#8220;I am looking for someone to move into a large closet space in one of the three bedrooms of my apartment. The bedroom has two closets but there is no need for it so we are looking to sublet it as a living space to a 4th roommate. The closet is about 5 feet wide and 7 feet long. It has no windows and think it would be ideal for a twin size bed and small night stand.&#8221;<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /> &#8220;Amazing Location&#8221;

Union Square, Manhattan. $1,000.00

“I am looking for someone to move into a large closet space in one of the three bedrooms of my apartment. The bedroom has two closets but there is no need for it so we are looking to sublet it as a living space to a 4th roommate. The closet is about 5 feet wide and 7 feet long. It has no windows and think it would be ideal for a twin size bed and small night stand.”

“Amazing Location”

The price is right…there’s no such thing as claustrophobia…what a find!

Bedford-Stuyvesant, Brooklyn. $600.00

“special deal only for someone with a cat”

“we want to make sure the cat is a good fit as well”

What happens if the cat is a good fit but the person isn’t? #catpeopleprobs

I had a hard time deciding which ones to share; some people have incredibly low standards of living…literally – several posts mentioned not being able to stand  up straight due to ceiling height, or lack thereof. It’s sad…but it’s a funny-sad.

HAPPY BELATED, CARO aka BABYLINE! El, MHM and I toasted to you last night. XOXO

Corgis are so happy, and their happiness makes me happy. (JBax)

Ok, this is me leaving. Safe travels to those traveling, and thoughts and prayers to those who have served or are serving our country. God bless our troops.

Memorial-Day

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Informative Disinformation

Posted by AllieB on July 20, 2011

GROUP DINNERS!!! Who doesn’t love having a meal of food with 18 people at a long, rectangular table and being stuck at the end, relegated to a corner with the dunce and the doofus, and then getting a check for $80 when you had a salad and shared a bottle of $25 wine (and possibly a martini – but still, that’s clearly too much. (Unless your martini was made of gold, as the margarita at Varasano’s is. $17.50 is the price for a 4 oz tequila beverage…just so you know…order accordingly.)) Well, per this Handy Guide shared with me by OD, How to Split a Check, that’s just the way the cookie crumbles at group dins. (If you’re 25 and older – if you’re under 25 and you’re reading this…well, isn’t that nice for you.)

Now, the observant among you have read this, processed it and realized that in a group-dining scenario, one is effectively incentivized to order lavishly and imbibe irresponsibly, because not everyone else will, and thus what you end up paying will be disproportionate to what you actually owe, meaning that you make out like a bandit while your schmuck pals who exercise restraint in the name of fiscal responsibility end up subsidizing you. This is correct!

I don’t really love group dinners. Unless we go to Treehouse and Bethenny splits the check as we order – I always appreciate that. Rory at Paul’s does that, too. Also, be advised, not eating and only drinking at restaurants doesn’t do you much good. If you’re really trying to save $$, bring vodka disguised in a water bottle and order club soda. I’M KIDDING that’s pathetic – don’t do that. Everyone will stare at you in disdain and someone might even ask you to leave. If the situation is that dire, stay home. Wisdom: imparted.

Why does no one have house parties anymore? Jeez. Lindsay, maybe we need to be telling more people about your beer pong table that folds up into a briefcase.

RUMORS!! Unbeknownst to me, there have been rumors circulating that J Simps is pregs – she’s aggressively denying them, of course…It’s not for me to say, obviously, but this picture may or may not be the reason why…

Source: Daily Mail

And Leo dumped Boobs!!! Muuahahahaha. That’s what you get for being desperate to be Mrs. Leonardo DiCaprio.

Evidently the niceness of yesterday was a one-time thing.

Happy almost Bday, BBT! Un día más

Posted in Arbitrary, Imparting Wisdom | Tagged: , , , , | 2 Comments »

Nostalgia: France

Posted by AllieB on October 20, 2010

For no other reason than that I haven’t had a new Facebook album since June, I decided to post random pictures from the Baxter Family trip to France back in August. Staying at my aunt and uncle’s home was beyond incredible, and we really did have such a good time – I am ready for a return trip!

Chateau Cerisay - clockwise from top right: front door, moat, chapel, grounds, main house. TAKE ME BACK!

Anecdote: my aunt and uncle have become friendly with the neighbors, and they were kind enough to invite us over for a cook-out. The host of the party, we’ll call him Jacques, was charming, flamboyant and an amazing cook.

I have always been of a proponent of really indulging oneself on vacation – no limits, really take advantage of the culture, cuisine, etc. This means to say: I helped myself to the food and wine. At one point he saw me taking a second chicken kabob, and he inquired, “Oh, is that for your little sister?” Embarrassed, I assured him that yes, it was (not). Shortly thereafter he came over to where Jordan and I were sitting, and the following conversation ensued:

Jacques: “Deed your seester geeve you her kabob?”

Jordan: “No.”

Jacques (to me): “Non! You ate that?! A second kabob?!”

Me (humiliated with a side of rosacea): “Um, yes…you know what they say about vacation – lots of wine and lots of food!”

Jacques: “Mais oui, to have lots of wine – that is very Franche, but to have two kabobs…that is SO not Franche.”

Oh the shame. I tried to joke with him later about the incident, saying I should probably run wind sprints home to work off the second kabob, and he responded in a decidedly non-joking manner, “But of course!! That eees a good idea!!”

Note to self re: future travels – do as the locals do, not as obese Americans do…

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