Baxter Bark Twice

Do as I say, never as I do

Posts Tagged ‘newsworthy news’

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On Notice: J Simps

Posted by AllieB on November 15, 2010

Seriously, Jessica? Your behavior in recent weeks has me yearning for the days when your indiscretions were confined to wardrobe blunders and unfortunate sound bites.

So, again I ask: seriously, Jessica? Your engagement to NFL free agent Eric Johnson is equal parts pathetic and stupid. Your ex-husband Nick and his longtime girlfriend, Vanessa, got engaged but two weeks ago, you had an unfortunate run-in at an LA eatery wherein you got drunk and said insulting things about them (a.k.a. the most innocuous couple of all time), and now you’ve gone and gotten engaged to a man whom you’ve not only been dating for only five months or so, but whose divorce from his own wife was finalized only last  September – as in, two months ago. To me, the cons outnumber the pros by about a gazillion to one. The close proximity in which  you secured your own engagement to that of your ex is truly laughable, and it’s quite clear that you threatened the poor guy – or maybe your Dad did – a gun to the head, perhaps?

Never one to humiliate yourself on a single level when there are other arenas in which to fail, your Christmas single, “My Only Wish” off your new holiday  album is a very sad, very obvious rip-off of Mariah Carey’s classic, “All I Want for Christmas (Is You).” Why, why would you choose that song – of all the Christmas songs – to copycat. Your half-ass version is not good, and no one is going to listen to it when they can just listen to Mariah’s instead. Please see a comparison of the lyrics below – it’s  hard to even read, must less listen to.

Between these two latest gaffes plus the others I wrote about a few months ago…I just – I don’t know what to say, moving forward. Given how things have been going for you recently, I’d take extra precautions when performing in the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade – there are 13 – 14 deaths/year  by way of parade float, so…just sayin’ – ya better watch out…

That was morbid, lo siento. I’m just fed up with your nonsense – pump the brakes, reel it in, and stop being so stupid. Then we’ll talk.

P.S. Congrats on the engagement…kudos for choosing such a fugly unique ring.

Posted in Celebs, Really? | Tagged: , , , , , , | 4 Comments »

Is this necessary.

Posted by AllieB on November 9, 2010

Snuggies – I get. I like to be warm, I like to have my hands available for flipping magazine pages/remote control access, and the Snuggie allows all these things. Plus, it’s not that complicated – it’s a blanket with sleeves. Done.

This newfangled twist on the much-heralded Snuggie seems…well, actually, I get rosacea just looking at it. Being trapped in an actual fleece onesie without any kind of breezy access makes me very uncomfortable. Meet & Greet: the OnePiece. (What a novel name. Minus 2.)

I guess one thing of note is that it’s from Norway, and Norway is very chilly. Perhaps if I lived in Norway I would be more inclined to swaddle myself in a fleece unitard…that woman looks very happy in her OnePiece.

Another trend with which I am having issues is this whole young-star-whose-career-isn’t-super-hot-writing-a-novel thing. I’m talking to you, Hilary Duff. Her novel, Elixir, is about a girl “raised in the spotlight” as the daughter of a renowned surgeon and prominent D.C. politician who grows up to be photojournalist, traveling to the most “exotic parts of the world” to enhance her craft. I mean, at least stick to topics you actually know something about – which I do not think includes photojournalism. Also, I am not such a fan of Hilary Duff in general, besides her one hit, Come Clean, which has seen me through the highs and lows of my life since 2004.

Lastly, to answer my own question: this is absolutely, most definitely, not on any level, necessary (from TV Gawker).

Pregnant Woman Bikini Contest? Pregnant Woman Bikini Contest.

Ok, whoa: I was doing my customary search on “this day in history,” and have learned via Wikipedia that it is both Nick Lachey’s and Vanessa Minillo’s birthday today?! My mind is reeling. Although perhaps more notably, it is also Sisqo’s birthday. Thong Song > everything Nick and Vanessa have ever done, combined.

Posted in Arbitrary, Really? | Tagged: , | 3 Comments »

Eye on the prize

Posted by AllieB on September 16, 2010

Jennifer Anniston is in Atlanta at this very minute filming her new movie, Wanderlust, with co-starr Paul Rudd.

First of all, I think the movie sounds very intriguing. An excerpt from onlocationvacations says:

In the movie, Jen and Paul play an urban couple who  stop at a rural B&B which turns out to be a commune filled with nudists, pot smoking and orgies. The script has created some buzz of its own because, reportedly, Aniston’s character has sex with a woman in the movie.

Maybe this will break her Rom-Com curse…?

Secondly, and much more importantly, this means she and Paul Rudd are trolling the streets of Buckhead, with sightings reported at Chops, St Regis, Whole Foods…I’ve been to Whole Foods no fewer than four times this week for various reasons, and I’ve seen nada.

I wonder what I’d do if I saw them. Probably something really awkward…I once spent a very brief segment of an evening with Owen Wilson and his entourage (thanks to JTomm), and, as we were all being introduced, I felt the inexplicable need to reach across the table and help myself to a handful of his nachos. He didn’t speak to me after that.

Jennifer and Paul are my chance to redeem myself – I must find them! Anyone want to get an AWD at the St. Regis?

Posted in Arbitrary, Celebs | Tagged: , , , | 1 Comment »

I’m sorry, what?

Posted by AllieB on September 9, 2010

I have never heard of livability.com, a web site that claims to “discover America’s best places to live,” but it is clearly run by a bunch of dillholes who don’t know anything about anything.

In a recent article, Top 10 College Towns: Great Places for School and Life After Graduation, they ranked cities based on the following:

College is about more than getting a degree, it’s about establishing a life. That’s why this list isn’t a ranking of colleges, but rather a ranking of great cities that are home to some of the nation’s best colleges and universities.

Explain to me, then, why on earth they have listed Athens, Georgia as #2 and GAINESVILLE, FLORIDA as #1. WTF??

The description of Athens is totally on point:

Don’t be fooled by Athens‘ southern charm. Underneath a genteel exterior lies the rockin’ city that spawned such legendary rock bands as R.E.M, the B-52’s and Widespread Panic, thanks in part to Athens’ role as home to theUniversity of Georgia. Students and residents alike enjoy a downtown area boasting an eclectic mix of independently owned retail stores, restaurants and coffeehouses. At night, Athens’ thriving music scene comes alive at venues like the Caledonia Lounge and 40 Watt Club.

When I read the description of Gainesville, the only parts that stood out to me were the phrases “warm weather” and “swamp.” Neat. I SO want to go to there.*

*I actually think most of Florida is great,  it’s really only Gainesville that I do not prefer.

To add insult to injury, it just so happens that Rev. Terry Jones, the mastermind behind the plan to publicly burn the Quran on 9/11, resides in Gainesville. How nice to have such an admirable man as your city’s spokesperson.  (I will say, if this guy goes thru with this abhorrent act, I will not hold Gainesville responsible – it’s terrifying that people like him exist.)

Note to livability: you might wanna reassess.

Posted in Arbitrary | Tagged: , , | 4 Comments »

Time to take things down a notch

Posted by AllieB on September 2, 2010

People do stupid things when they drink too much. Fortunately, these bonehead moves rarely make national headlines…unless you’re this guy.

Bloomberg.com’s headline reads:

Man Lost $1.4 Million Corot Painting After Boozing

Ouch. James Carl Haggerty walked into a bar with the painting, drank for several  hours, left with the painting, yet managed to arrive home sans painting. Perhaps he left it in the taxi? This isn’t a Blackberry, James, it’s a $1.4 million, art historically important painting by renowned artist Jean-Baptiste-Camille Corot. James was hired by co-owners Tom Doyle and Kristen Trudgeon to have the painting appraised, and earned a nice $25,000 fee for his troubles. Understandably, they are now suing him, deeming his rock-solid explanation unacceptable:

“The next morning, Haggerty informed Doyle that he did not have the painting, and could not recall its whereabouts citing that he had too much to drink the previous evening,” the suit says.

At least he’s being honest. You can’t help but feel sorry for him – I bet his moral hangover was off the charts.

I suppose this story is too outlandishly ridiculous to really teach us a lesson in the perils of over-consumption – maybe Smart Water’s new advertising campaign is more on-level:

that is a very wise billboard

Posted in Imparting Wisdom, Really? | Tagged: , | 1 Comment »

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