It’s almost too easy.*
*In your defense – it’s a bad angle, but might I suggest a scarf and the color black.
Posts Tagged ‘j simps’
Help me help you
Posted by AllieB on December 1, 2010
Posted in Celebs, Really? | Tagged: celebs, j simps, sorry I'm not sorry, try harder | 3 Comments »
On Notice: J Simps
Posted by AllieB on November 15, 2010
Seriously, Jessica? Your behavior in recent weeks has me yearning for the days when your indiscretions were confined to wardrobe blunders and unfortunate sound bites.
So, again I ask: seriously, Jessica? Your engagement to NFL free agent Eric Johnson is equal parts pathetic and stupid. Your ex-husband Nick and his longtime girlfriend, Vanessa, got engaged but two weeks ago, you had an unfortunate run-in at an LA eatery wherein you got drunk and said insulting things about them (a.k.a. the most innocuous couple of all time), and now you’ve gone and gotten engaged to a man whom you’ve not only been dating for only five months or so, but whose divorce from his own wife was finalized only last  September – as in, two months ago. To me, the cons outnumber the pros by about a gazillion to one. The close proximity in which  you secured your own engagement to that of your ex is truly laughable, and it’s quite clear that you threatened the poor guy – or maybe your Dad did – a gun to the head, perhaps?
Never one to humiliate yourself on a single level when there are other arenas in which to fail, your Christmas single, “My Only Wish” off your new holiday  album is a very sad, very obvious rip-off of Mariah Carey’s classic, “All I Want for Christmas (Is You).” Why, why would you choose that song – of all the Christmas songs – to copycat. Your half-ass version is not good, and no one is going to listen to it when they can just listen to Mariah’s instead. Please see a comparison of the lyrics below – it’s  hard to even read, must less listen to.
Between these two latest gaffes plus the others I wrote about a few months ago…I just – I don’t know what to say, moving forward. Given how things have been going for you recently, I’d take extra precautions when performing in the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade – there are 13 – 14 deaths/year  by way of parade float, so…just sayin’ – ya better watch out…
That was morbid, lo siento. I’m just fed up with your nonsense – pump the brakes, reel it in, and stop being so stupid. Then we’ll talk.
P.S. Congrats on the engagement…kudos for choosing such a fugly unique ring.
Posted in Celebs, Really? | Tagged: can we not, idiot, j simps, newsworthy news, on notice, questionable, stop that now | 4 Comments »
Dear Jessica
Posted by AllieB on September 14, 2010
I’m worried about you. I’ve heard that you’re actually quite teeny in person, and I’m sure you are, but most people aren’t seeing you in person – they’re seeing you in US Weekly and People and on Tyler Durden, and these photos – they aren’t good.
Honestly, I’m not sure you even have all that much weight to lose – the problem is more that you insist upon dressing as though you’re actively seeking out ridicule. It seems that, these days, every time you leave the house it’s an egregious fashion fail. You’re cute! You have nice hair! Many people seem to find your ditziness endearing! You once had, like, the best body ever! You can doooooooo this!
Can we not:
Let’s revisit a time when things like this were happening:
a compilation by People from 2007 - these aren't necessarily my favorite looks, but you get the jist
In spite of your bevy of recent blunders, I am nevertheless optimistic. Just get a stylist and go for a couple of 3 mile yogs/week. Not unlike Lindsay Lohan, I think there is hope for you yet. And I’m sorry for comparing you to Lindsay Lohan just now – that may have been a bit harsh.
Your Friend – AllieB
P.S. Also, maybe stop talking about your poor hygiene while you’re on the talk show circuit – you’re not doing yourself any favors.
Posted in Celebs, Really? | Tagged: celebs, j simps, light at end of tunnel | 4 Comments »