Baxter Bark Twice

Do as I say, never as I do

Posts Tagged ‘j simps’

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Thirsty/Thrifty/Throwback Thursday

Posted by AllieB on August 23, 2012

The Donkey and I were enjoying half-price beers and tacos last night at The Ivy*, and chatting about what have you: my move, our friends, the DOW index, Jessica Simpson’s weight status…etc. I am my own best resource for all things pertaining to JSimps, so when we wanted to look at pics, I searched my JSimps tag which I affix to any and all posts wherein I discuss my favorite buxom blonde. Well, turns out I’m something of a prophet – please read what I wrote about her on September 29, 2011 in response to a tabloid article claiming she was pregnant (this was a month before she officially confirmed it):

Everyone knows that InTouch is for photographic perusal ONLY and that their news reporting is almost always erroneous, but when they say things like this – I pay attention: EXCLUSIVE: IT’S OFFICIAL: JESSICA SIMPSON IS PREGNANT.

No one is really giving InTouch an exclusive anything (except that stupid LeAnn Rimes, maybe – she is the WORST), but I’m going with it. To quote another newsworthy source, Hollywood Reporter, “Jess has sorta looked pregnant for awhile. Now she actually is!” I can’t decide if I want her to be or not…you can’t make fun of pregnant people for being fat. Though she could really blow up – the same article also reported that she’s craving nachos dipped in chocolate, so this is promising…I guess now she’ll actually have to confirm or deny via reputable news source.

I knew, in my heart of hearts, that was she was going to be an enormous pregnant lady, and I was RIGHT! So validating. And I think we can all agree that I’ve officially put the nail in my karmic coffin re: my own unpleasant pregnancy…so I’ve got that to look forward to, which is neat. There hasn’t been a picture of post-baby Jessica since early July…I am waiting with breath that is bated for the next sighting.

This was the throwback part of the post. Also, this:

Happy Birthday to Tina in 2007! I forgot to acknowledge your b-dizzle last week, so here is a tardy holla. We went to MJQ, and it got wild…HOLY SH*T THAT WAS FIVE YEARS AGO. I can’t…I don’t…I’m having a really hard time processing that truthbomb – ha, more like truth nuclear warhead. Ugh. At least my hair isn’t that color anymore; BBT is not a blonde.

It’s funny to me that I really don’t read other blogs, but I do read Witty + Pretty, a very informative site written by a fellow Atlantan who clearly knows her stuff. This week she introduced me to the wonder that is Songza. Songza is a FREE music app that has like a gazillion different playlists for any occasion – literally, any occasion.  There are lists for activities, such as: Curing Road Rage, Sitting on a Back Porch, Walking Through a City, lists for moods: Lush, Sexual, Trashy, and they also have genres and categories you can search…I feel like I discovered a whole new portal to the internet or something – there are seemingly unlimited options. Also, I know said this a second ago but I’m saying it again: Songza is FREE and there are ZERO commercials. Smell ya later, Pandora; Songza 4 eva. (This is the thrifty portion, btw.)

Thirsty? Why, yes, I am. If you feel like getting complicated, I refer you to this list of Atlanta’s 10 Most Iconic Drinks – that margarita at Agave has my name all over it – or you can go the simpler route with this:

Look, there’s three for me one for each of us.

That’s it for Thursday. Peace playas.

*I’m already nostalgic for The Ivy – I realized this as I signed my $9 tab for 3 beers and chicken tacos; that is a freaking steal. And I also just realized that this little afterthought blurb incorporates all three of today’s talking points: thirsty, thrifty, and throwback. Man, I am GOOD.

Posted in Arbitrary, Imparting Wisdom | Tagged: , , , , , | 4 Comments »

Theories: Conspiratorial & Otherwise

Posted by AllieB on July 2, 2012

Munday. The maintenance men are in my apartment right now fixing my A/C. THEY BETTER BE FIXING MY A/C THIS IS UNBELIEVABLE. I was grateful to not spend the weekend here in the land-locked Hades, but in Charleston, where I spent several hours lounging in this pool (see below). We were down there in honor of Hildebeast Bel (you’re gonna wanna click thru on that link – you’re welcome in advance), and it literally could not have been a more fun weekend. There was a lot of laughing – I mean, a LOT. A rooftop pool situation overlooking a body of water in an urban setting might be my favorite thing.

The pool and the sunset. I do love a good vista!

Should you find yourself in Charleston in the near future, go to the Market Pavilion Hotel & Rooftop Bar and have a Michelob Ultra with a lemon and the Lump Crab Cake Sandwich. Beware of the security detail that comes out at around 8 PM…unless someone stashed the Hope Diamond up there, they’re probably taking themselves a little too seriously.

So, this was recently brought to my attention, and I am completely fascinated: the conspiracy theory surrounding the Denver Airport. Y’all, something is amiss here. The highly reputable and reliable site, skeptoid.com, says the following:

 Its construction began with five mysterious buildings that were completed and then buried intact, with the cover story that they were “built wrong”. Up to 8 levels of underground facilities are said to exist, and workers who go there refuse to answer questions about what they do. The entire airport is surrounded by a barbed wire guard fence, with the barbed wire angled inward, to keep people in, like a giant prison, not out like at other airports. And if viewed from the air, the runways are revealed to be laid out in the shape of a Nazi swastika. Questions about what the government might be doing in this underground base may have been answered in 2007, when fourteen commercial aircraft reported spontaneously shattered windshields as the presumed result of electromagnetic pulses.

Aerial view of the Denver Airport. I think we can all agree what this looks like.

Indoors, the airport gets even stranger. The Illuminati appear to have detailed their plans for global genocide and a New World Order in two large murals. The first depicts a huge Nazi soldier with dead women and children scattered around him…

Mural inside the airport.

Me, I’m thinking that regardless of who or what that painting’s meant to be of, it has ZERO business on the wall of an international travel hub in the United States. WTF! Anyway, I’m 100% drinking the kool-aid that is this conspiracy – something weird’s going on over there in Denver…and if I mysteriously go missing, I think we know who to blame. Illuminati/New World Order: I’m looking at you.

Jessica Simpson tweeted this picture last week. I don’t….why….how….WHAT IS WRONG WITH HER.

50 boutiques in 50 states  by elle.com – I saw they even found one in Delaware, so that’s something.

101 Books To Read This Summer Besides ’50 Shades of Grey’ – this is a very in-depth flow chart with something for everyone. But, I will say, go ahead and knock out the 50 trilogy – you know you’re going to eventually, so you may as well go ahead and join the masses rather than be the dillhole who’s still reading it 8 months from now.

Lastly! To those who reached out in response to my last post about my relocation to NYC – THANK YOU!!! I will be pursuing you all ardently in the coming weeks, so prepare yourselves.

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I’d rather not go to there

Posted by AllieB on May 1, 2012

Atlanta, in recent years, has really made a name for itself on the Foodie Scene. From high-end chains like BLT Steak to the food trucks (Tex’s Tacos WE MISS YOU), Atlanta has made an indelible foot print on the national culinary front. I read NYMag on a daily basis not for the politico mumbo jumbo or even the current events, but for the celeb, food, and culture stuff. The penultimate category pertains mostly to NYC-centric restaurants, but occasionally they step outside the box. Their food section, Grub Street, just published this article listing worth-the-trip restaurants in every US state (50 State Dinners: Food Pilgrimages You Must Make This Summer). Neat! I thought. “Pilgrimage” implies that they’re going off the beaten-track a bit, so I actually thought about for it for a second before I read the Georgia suggestion. I figured it probably wouldn’t be in Atlanta, unless it was a Korean BBQ place on Buford Highway or similar, but I thought they might direct people to Athens or Savannah, or even Madison or Thomasville – definitely someplace in a town that’s heavy on Southern Charm. Evidently, I was barking (get it?!) up the wrong tree:

And we wonder why Georgia still has this country bumpkin, back-country, red-neck, missing teeth persona. Let me first assert I am not hating on Rexall Grill – I’ve never been therefore cannot judge, and I’m sure that, if it’s made the upper crust echelon that is NYMag, it must be pretty good, but COME ON. Surely there’s a better photo? And what’s more – once you send people to Duluth, they’re going to be in Duluth…this is hardly a destination eatery. I spent a lot of time in Duluth back in 2k5 when I was slinging ads for the AJC, and there’s not a whole lot going on unless you count sitting in traffic as an activity. Which I do not. I probably would have chosen someplace on Tybee Island, such as Tybee Island Social Club. Should you find yourself on Tybee Island, you must go to here: long on charm, short on strip malls/doors with bells that ring when you enter. Or what about ADD Drug in Athens?! It’s a pharmacy that serves awesome food and it’s in the coolest city in the world. I think I might leave a comment on the website about this oversight.

If this is the direction in which NYMag was going, perhaps they should have chosen One Star…?

Summer’s here. Who has a pool?

I know I said I wasn’t going to talk about her anymore, so I will leave you only with this one teeny thing. (Just click thru; no sound, no crazy pop-ups – just simple truth)

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY TO WILLIAM & KATE! That wedding really was the highlight of my 2011. She’s as glorious as ever. All hail the princess.

Posted in Arbitrary, Food & Drink | Tagged: , , , , | 5 Comments »

I’ve sat here for 10 minutes and cannot think of a title

Posted by AllieB on April 25, 2012

Like: the most recent ad by Google Chrome wherein a man uses all of Google’s nifty apps to win back the one who got away. Before you scoff at my lameness and scroll down to the next paragraph, PLEASE take a look. You know how rarely I do videos on BBT… I truly wish the best to Mark Potter. Re: needing sound – the music adds to the overall effect, but I guess it’s not 100% mandatory:

I take it back, you need sound.

Dislike*: I was very, very wrong about “Don’t Trust the B*tch in Apartment 23”. It was NOT good. Dawson Leary was pretty funny, but I think he only seemed funny in comparison to the heinosity (yes, heinosity) of the other storylines/characters. Skip. Deactivate the season record. Do not want.

*What a testament to my ever-present optimism: that a TV show is the only thing I dislike right now. Even I am inspired by my sunny outlook on life.

**Retract. Between that last line and this one I realized I very much dislike how I pale I am, that it is somehow only Wednesday, and that I am very dissatisfied with everything in my closet.

On Notice/That Is Whack: I am shocked – shocked – that I am still writing about this: that in the time I began questioning her pregnancy, I have changed jobs, quit writing BBT for 2 months, gone to the moon, and finally figured out what happened to Amelia Earhart (we’ll get to that in my next post)…..and yet, she is STILL pregnant. HOW?!? I’m not kidding, I actually need someone to answer this question. I’ve come to the conclusion that JSimps is not a human, but either a giraffe – giraffes carry their young for 15 months or an elephant – they carry their babies for 22 months.

I think this answers that.

Honestly, I don’t even enjoy making fun of her anymore – the material has gone stale…I’m guessing y’all are feeling similarly. I’m no doctor, but might it be time to induce this thing..?

HAPPY BIRTHDAYS TO LeBOOF and LEILA!!! Welcome to your late twenties.

Have a wonderful Wednesday. I mean that sincerely, without any irony.

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Guess who’s back.

Posted by AllieB on April 12, 2012

Oh hey. It’s been over two months since I last wrote. Why, you ask? I’m not entirely sure why…but once one week goes by, and then another, and then five more, it gets real difficult to get back into things. Excuses, excuses…I have been overwhelmed by fan outrage, however, regarding BBT’s not-so-justified hiatus, so thanks for that. Sorry I made you mad, but sorry I’m not sorry you’ve made me feel loved. Anyway, for reals, lots of things happened that aided and abetted my absence…por ejemplo:

Tina and Kirk got married in Charleston…awesome weekend. A real highlight was the toast Jennifer and I gave at the Rehearsal Dinner, as well as the kickass 80’s band at the reception. I highly recommend going with a genre band, especially one where the singers have poofy perms and wear tight pants. It is the Ultimate Dance Party. The wedding, as you can see below, took place at the somewhat picturesque Legare-Waring House just outside of Charleston. I mean, I guess it was kind of attractive…ish.

Congrats to Tina and Kirk Adams!!! Salud.

Then, my sister Charlotte married Stanton here in Atlanta. I have to say, we throw a pretty great party…it was a wonderful weekend and I got to see all kinds of family that I never get to see, and we laughed and danced and ate and drank and everyone was very, very merry.

From top left: Gaylen, Allie, Jo, Char at welcoming party – we heart spray tans…bridesmaid luncheon…Rehearsal Dinner


We clean up nice, don’t we?

From top: Char and Stanton with Grandma…the most beautiful bride eva…cousins!!

Congrats to Charlotte and Stanton Maines!! Prost.

Let’s touch on a few other things:

– I am a HUGE fan of Flywheel, which just opened up in Atlanta. It’s a really aggressive spin class featuring very loud music and instructors who yell a lot – but in a good, motivating way. I even won the class the first time I took it…I have subsequently not performed so well, but it’s fun to have the competitive aspect of the “power board” where you can see how fast and far you go. I like that they give you the proper spinning shoes, also. Conversations you will likely overhear before/after Flywheel include: “So we’re headed down to Rosemary on Friday…John is already down there playing golf..” and “My shopper at Neiman’s called about the Cavalli I asked about…” and “I just got myself injected with all kinds of crap and now my face looks like it can blink itself, what do you think?” Ok, maybe not that last one, but you get my drift…there is excellent people watching at Flywheel. BBT highly recommends the entire experience.

-Jessica Simpson has yet to give birth. This scientific marvel truly makes my head explode, as I DO NOT UNDERSTAND HOW SHE IS STILL PREGNANT, but there’s still 8 more days til we meet…whatever the H it is that emerges from her. Listen, I was an 11 lb 2 oz baby, which I get is quite large – in fact, it is more than the total combined weight of Hilary and Norah when they were born – but this is completely ridiculous. Also, I’d like to note that she is serving as a wedding attendant in the pic below…can we all agree that if someone is this grossly ginormous pregnant, that maybe they can sit out on the bridesmaid duties? I mean, it’s not going to be good for photos. If I were J Simps, I’d hide under a rock – boulder? – until I gave birth.

However, something has happened that trumps BOTH my best friend and sister getting married…something that that will irrevocably alter my life forever and ever…

I got an iPhone. It’s arriving via FedEx today. I. Am. SO. EXCITED. I’ve already started accumulating apps. Please, share with me your favorites…and not like Instagram and other mainstream ones, but obscure, cool ones I need to have…and get ready to be dominated in Words with Friends.

Alright, that’s more than enough for now. I just wanted to say hey…hey.

Posted in Arbitrary | Tagged: , , , , | 8 Comments »

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