Baxter Bark Twice

Do as I say, never as I do

Posts Tagged ‘holiday’

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Valentine’s Day. Ew.

Posted by AllieB on February 12, 2015

Valentine’s Day is Saturday, so I guess I’ll go ahead and talk about it.

One of my strengths, I’ve always thought, is how rational I am – I’m being serious. I think it stems from my Middle Child Syndrome and need to maintain the peace, which evolved into my genuine desire to know and understand both sides of a story. Yet, in spite of this high level of enlightenment and willingness to take on opposing perspectives for the sake of journalism and assessing all the various P.o.V’s, I have a very hard time finding anything positive about this media-driven, basic betch of a “holiday.”

Let’s discuss what sux about the 14th of Feb:

~ gifts. You just wrapped up (!) the Holiday season and what’s this – you have to buy another gift?? If you’re smart you combine Saints Valentine & Nick and call it a day. But always always always no matter what get a card. You are a jerk if you don’t get your person a card on Valentine’s Day.

~ prix fixe. Maybe you’re a pretty chill couple and you’re like, “hey, let’s just do a little card swap and go out to eat somewhere, but nothing fancy, just like that XYZ place with the awesome burger.” You call up XYZ and – too bad! They’re doing a prix fixe menu on Valentine’s Day with 12 courses and wine pairings and amuse bouches and there will be a 4-string quartet playing uncomfortably close to your table and that’ll be $400pp please. Or, even worse, you aren’t in a couple and you and some buddies just want to go to XYZ and enjoy the GD burger – not today you’re not!

~ pressure. I don’t know much about this, but it seems like Valentine’s Day could be a real land mine re relationship status and future. I envision a girl anticipating an engagement ring and instead receiving drugstore chocolates and an Amex gift card. Ka-POW.

And now the good stuff insofar as there is any:

~ candy. Valentine’s Day candy is pretty good. It has nothing on Easter, but it’ll tide me over til April

~ my mom’s Sirloin Steak with Peppercorn Sauce followed by Molten Chocolate Lava Cake. A lot happened in 2012: I went to 100 weddings and moved to NYC, but I will never forget VDAY2k12.

~ flowers. Flowers are always nice to have around.

What we can glean from this breakdown is that, above all, Valentine’s Day is an equal opportunity offender and it doesn’t much care about your relationship status; Valentine’s Day is the holiday terrorist.

Here’s what I think: while the fundamental meaning of ValDizz is nice, everything else it entails is not and it’s silly to play into the hoopla generated almost single-handedly by CVS and Kay Jewelers, and what really bothers me is that the third season of House of Cards doesn’t come out until Feb 27th, not this weekend as I’d originally thought. I’m pretty sure I’d say all this even if I were coupled. Whatevs, why don’t y’all come to my place on Saturday and I’ll cook that crack-laced steak my mom makes and we can play Cards Against Humanity?? Game night!

I leave you with a poem I wrote all by myself, straight from the heart:

Roses are red

Violets are blue

Valentine’s Day.

Ew.

…well, we all have our strengths. It’s a good thing I’m so rational. Cheers!

WINE

 (Source)

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That Went Well: A Year in Review

Posted by AllieB on December 18, 2014

When it comes to making personal goals, it’s important to be realistic. I reread the post I wrote back in January that listed out what I hoped to achieve in 2014, and, I must say: I did quite well for myself. There’s that quote on Pinterest, “Shoot for Moon. Even if you miss, you’ll still be among the stars” but I prefer a more grounded and less astronomical approach, and I think we can all agree this strategy made for a pretty impressive year-end review:

1. Use my passport: Oui, je suis allé à France! (thank you Mom and Dad)

2. Be physically active for 30 mins each day: maybe not each day…most days though, for sure. The original post also mentioned “leaving apartment every day” as a goal, and overall I am pleased with my performance. Leaving the apartment on Sundays is not as easy as it sounds.

3. I was a non-presence on the Buzzfeed post “The 30 Dumbest Things Drunk Women Have Ever Done” and I’m wondering where my trophy is?

4. Read less. I did not read less. Some might argue that this is not actually a bad thing, so I will still count the loss as a win. And, while I did not publish anything outside of BBT, I DID work up a portfolio of best works and it’s almost ready to send out…almost. Honestly, I’m getting sick of reading people writing articles that I could have done – like this girl who lived according to the Pinterest Popular Page. I think she did a great job – she’s not annoying and it’s actually a font of useful information (an at-home gel mani that really works!) – but…I wanna do stuff like that. Credit: KReav.

5. Sign up for zero marathons. Well….full disclosure: I did sign up for the New York Marathon but at the behest of my sister Charlotte, and she ran it as me. This will also be filed as a W because now when I Goog myself you Goog me it looks like I not only ran a marathon, but that I hauled ass.

6269, Allie Baxter, New York, 03:38:14.

And I’d be remiss to leave this off my list of triumphs:

6. I unlocked the highest, most premium level of membership at Sephora: VIB Rouge. There was a parade and everything

I plan to ride this wave of success right into 2015.

In other BBT related news, my most read post of the year also happens to be one of my personal faves and is full of legitimately useful information: How to Lose Friends & Alienate People. Another one of my favorite things on BBT this year: this visual aid that I made on Excel using a false set of data to generate a line graph and some clip art (I don’t think enough people read the original post on which it was first featured, and I don’t want anyone to miss out):

my-will-to-live-2_Page_1

I can’t wait to see how this year stacks up :|

So, that went well… I hope you all have similarly positive feelings towards your 2014s.

The most newsworthy news of the week, maybe of month, even possibly of  year: Instagram added five new filters…! This is the first filtration addition since 2012, so it’s a big. freaking. deal. Here they are as shown by me:

new instagram filters

Clockwise from left: Slumber; Crema; Ludwig; Aden; Perpetua. Another tweak is that you can arrange your filters in the order of which you like/use them, so adios Hefe. Q of the D: what would you name an Instagram filter? For some reason “Lush” was the first word that popped into my head, and I can’t get past it. Lush as in lush fabric not lush like “have another cocktail, you lush.” Lush.

I’ve had a hard time getting amped up for the holidaze. I haven’t done any of my own Christmas shopping, and we’re not having our Annual Fireball and Pigs in Blankets Gala…Santa who? When I realized I’ll be back in ATL in just a few days, I was like, wait a minute - that’s only a few days to take advantage of NYC at Christmas, and when I get back it will be January…and you know who’s born in January: the devil.^

^This is according to my line graph, shown above. Will you just look at the damn thing already thank you.

So, I got my sh*t together, and now I’m feeling festive AF. On Tuesday, thanks to ole FlemWad’s planning, we wrapped gifts for children for the USPS Operation Santa project. Bringing joy to others is a great way to get into the holiday spirit. I had to run an errand uptown on Wednesday, so I took a detour down Fifth Avenue to take in the windows of Bergdorf’s, the bling on Tiffany & Co., and the tree at 30 Rock – nothing says Merry Christmas like nudging tourists into oncoming traffic. I have holiday-related activities every night up here before I go, and when I get home to ATL I’m going directly to the light display at the Atlanta Botanical Garden (seriously, do y’all just want to pick me up at the Arts Center Marta station and we can go straight there? LMK)…I might be tardy to this party, but I’m coming in h-o-t.

NYC Christmas

 The pic on the top right is a window at Bergdorf’s. Not sure it really gets my or their point across, but I like all the pretty colors. Merry Christmas from the freaky mannequin.

And now for a demonstration of my signature move: the Irish Goodbye. HAPPY HOLIDAYS TO YOU AND YOURS!!! xo

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Naughty or Nice?

Posted by AllieB on December 11, 2014

Santa’s super busy around Christmas, so I decided to lend a hand and help him out with those pesky Naughty or Nice lists. Santa, you are so welcome. ‘Tis the season for generosity and selfless good deeds! Also, no need to get a second opinion – pretty sure I nailed it.

Naughty:

~ the news of late…makes you wish for simpler times, like when we all thought we were getting Ebola

Nice!

~ the doorman in my building, Eustace, who knows the name of every single resident (he calls me Ali Baba which still counts and you can all call me that if you want because WWED?) and sells Girl Scout cookies for his granddaughter every spring. Put me down for all the boxes, Eustace – every single one.

~ Sephora. Sephora is on every block in New York, which means I am never too far from dry shampoo and bronzer. Dry shampoo is to me what cake is to those fat kids: you don’t want to be around us if we haven’t had our fix.

But, also a little Naughty:

~ Sephora. The small yet adorably packaged and, duh, therefore expensive items stocked in the checkout line at Sephora are to me what cake is to those fat kids: when it comes to temptation, we have the backbone of a wet noodle.

Back to Nice:

~ Domesticate-Me. Thanks to Serena and her sharp writing and rather challenging recipes, I have recently achieved Goddess of Kitchen status. I must also give a shout out to my poor budgeting skills, for without my inability to properly manage money, I would absolutely still order Seamless every night.

butternut squash soup

This is the Butternut Squash Soup with Roasted Garlic, Goat Cheese, and Pepitas. It took me like 2.5 hours but it was worth it – that stuff is dank city.

~ Grapefruit season! I love grapefruit. You can all come over for Grapefruit-Rosemary Mules! (I swear I wrote about grapefruit before I saw this recipe – I’m even eating one right now at my desk, we just happen to be on the same page. Is this getting weird? We have friends in common….time to pop that chill pill.)

Possibly the worst ever:

~ (Subterranean transportation x the holiday season) + New York City = HOMICIDAL RAGE. Just last night I was meeting ERock and Flem for dinner at Marta (BBT says: 3.5 stars), and I was literally forced onto the wrong train because of the crowd surge. Stuck in this cattle car against my will, I had to ride the express all the way to 14th then double-back up to 28th. I realized, after the fact, that I really should have just walked the 13 blocks from my office….but it was snowing. So, yeah - toss lousy weather into that equation, and get the hell out of my way.

Go ahead and give in to the goodness:

~ Serial. Yeah, it’s a podcast, and yeah, IT IS AWESOME. I haven’t downloaded this week’s epi yet, and it wraps up next week…I have so many feelings I don’t even know where to start. Stop resisting and start listening – especially if you drive a car or go for long runs, this podcast platform is made for you.

It’s a toss-up:

~ The Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show. While it is hardly a morale booster, the #VSFashionShow does provide endless fodder when it comes to documenting the appallingly awkward moves, behavior, and facial expressions of Taylor Swift…your call, Santa.

Adrianna and Alessandra each have two kids. And I bet Ed Sheehan posted this on his high school reunion page w caption: "YOU CAN KEEP MY LUNCH MONEY SUCKAS"

Adrianna and Alessandra each have two kids. And I bet Ed Sheeran posted this on his high school reunion page w caption: “YOU CAN KEEP ALL THAT LUNCH MONEY SUCKAS”

Ending on a high note:

~ Christmas in New York. I will never tire of Christmas in NYC.

grand central

So now I ask all of you: are you naughty like Ebola or nice like a grapefruit?

It’s possible Santa might need a back-up list….

I honestly, in my heart of hearts, woke up today and thought it was Friday. The only silver lining is that I had time to throw together this haphazard, weak-sauce BBT…which I think we can all agree places me firmly and immovably on the Nice list.

TGIhowisitstillT!

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Great for Halloween or Just Fashion

Posted by AllieB on October 29, 2014

Halloween, for me, is meh. With the exception of Wine Gal (she is my superhero alter-ego and she will CUT you with her corkscrew while sipping on a mini-bottle of Cab in order to save a glass a bottle a case of wine), I do not have the best track record of costuming, and 75% of the time I lose interest in assembling the ‘stume before it comes to fruition. When I was a sophomore in college I had a denim jumpsuit that was all the assemblage I needed for an entire year of socials and holidays – redneck social, Halloween, disco - but I stupidly threw it away. I’m still mad at myself: do they even sell J.Lo brand jumpsuits anymore? I only buy denim jumpsuits by J.Lo. I’ll check eBay. (Update: no luck on eBay.)

But what is meh for me is probably awesome for you, and I’m okay with that – we all have our strengths, and I genuinely respect and delight in other people’s talents. One of my favorite things is seeing what ole FJ comes up with for her Halloween look. I’ve shared this at least thrice on BBT and should probably make it the backdrop of my phone given how often I show it to people, but here she is as the Werewolf of London:

The Donk as Werewolf of London. I am terrified yet fascinated

Halloween 2012. Young children cried.

So, instead of stressing about thinking of and creating a costume, I instead found my inner Boppy & Basic BBT – it was a Tuesday, I don’t go to clubs on Tuesdays – and the result, I think we can all agree, was favorable: Melt in Your Mouth Pumpkin Cookies. I made these from scratch using only organic ingredients, sporting Uggs and an apron that said, “Kiss the Cook!” while listening to the new Taylor Swift album on my pink Jambox. I posted a selfie with a dot of flour on my cheek and captioned it, “missed a spot! #pumpkinspiceandeverythingnice #yummy #mycoworkersloveme” Then my roommates and I got in a flour fight and I posted another pic: “Flour Fight!!! #LOL #lovethesegirls #youwishyouhadthismuchfun”

melt in your mouth pumpkin cookies

Even though I accidentally halved the called-for amount of butter (the recipe said FOUR sticks of butter I am not Paula Deen) they are still awesome – perhaps more muffin-like than intended, but I think I’d rather have functioning arteries, ya know? And I obviously used only organic ingredients, but besides that #sensethetone

If you still need costume ideas, here: 32 ‘Sexy’ Halloween Costumes That Make No Sense (‘sexy’ corn and ‘sexy’ body bag are especially…’sexy’), or for those living in ATL - hit up this guy.

mens large 42 reg black trench coat great for halloween costume – $20

image 1

“long black coat great for Halloween or just fashion”

^^ I have been laughing at that ad since Monday (credit: A Social Mess)

 In other news…

-UPenn is offering a class for actual course credit entitled “Wasting Time on the Internet.” A few thoughts: 1. really. 2. do they need a guest speaker 3. as a parent I would be displeased 4. is there a Masters program? 5. I shoulda went to an Ivy League school

**note: I wrote that blurb on Tuesday, and The Skimm mentioned it Wednesday morning, so now I feel cheated. But I’m keeping it in anyway bc who’s to say their description is any better than mine?:

Speaking of things that can make your head spin, the University of Pennsylvania has created a new course called “Wasting Time on the Internet,” where students will be required to do just that.

See? It’s just different. But if y’all are hiring…holla

-Dang, this city…. credit: K

NYC from above

–THEY FOUND AMELIA EARHART?! <crosses off #6 on List of Things To Do>

-the Fireball/Anti-Freeze scare is just in Europe, chill. We’ll still be having our Fireball Christmas Party in December.

–best dog in the world??  Probably: Bandit takes under 30 seconds to fetch his human a beer – and he even makes the fridge door is properly shut. If I had a dog I’d get to work on this trick immediately.

-CharBaxMaines is running her TWENTIETH marathon this weekend – she’s coming in town for the NYC race and I will doggedly go to two of the five boroughs to cheer her on. Cheering people on as they run 26.2 miles is really quite tiring. #sisteroftheyear

Happy Hump Day & Halloween! Love, Wine Gal

 Not the best pic: you can barely see WG’s fanny pack – tho that is a nice shot of the cape, but in all the other photos, well…her strength (wine) had become her weakness (too much wine).

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What are you drinking?

Posted by AllieB on May 22, 2014

I can think of nothing except the upcoming long weekend, so today’s post is all about travel and vacation and activities for when you travel on vacation.

Memorial Day Weekend is the unofficial start of summer, and, to me, summer means baseball games and hanging out by water – be it a pool, the beach, or the murky, toxic Hudson River – and, of course, having drinks outside. Much like the ladies of Sex and the City and their Cosmopolitan, I, too, would like a Signature Cocktail. People will be at a bar ordering drinks and ask, “What does Allie always get that looks so good? Oh! A spicy margarita – I’ll have one of those” and it’s almost like I’m doing a good deed or something. If you’re looking to upgrade from your Bud Light Lime, please refer to this fun interactive drink calculator on New York Times: What Are You Drinking? (Credit: JVB)

what are you drinking

I got margarita. Duh

This week in Really?!?

Malaysia Airlines’ new ad campaign is apparently celebrating their knack for ferrying their passengers off to places where no one can find them….Really, Malaysia Airlines? Really?!?

Malaysian Airlines

 What I want to know is who looked at this and said, “That is not at all inappropriate. Approved!”

That’s what’s up:

– 38 People Who Will Make You Feel Better About Your Life Choices – wow.

– I’m calling it now – this is the book of the summer: You Should Have Known by Jean Hanff Korelitz. PLEASE read so we can discuss. It’s a literary mystery featuring a psychiatrist who is publishing book entitled “You Should Have Known” basically telling women who are in bad relationships that their partners had been exhibiting signs of clear and present danger all along, and they should have seen it coming. I think you can see where this is going….

– I do not understand Reddit if someone could please explain

– I traded out my office desk chair for a Body Ball this week…BOLO for my 6-pack.

– In my last post, You’re Doing It Wrong, I provided some very simple do’s and don’ts for social media behavior. It’s clear to me that some of you did not read it closely, if at all, so I will say it again: you cannot punctuate hashtags. If you really want to have a break  between words within same tag, then you may use the underscore (_) aka the “low dash.” Anything else will mess it up and then you look dumb. I had an email address once, back in 9th grade: compuchick_alb@hotmail.com. Looking back I’m a little upset – that’s pretty racy?? I clearly had no concern of internet pervs. My kid’s email is going to be oldandugly@gmail.com.

– I realized last week that I had no plans for Memorial Day, and it turns out that my nearest and dearest A and K didn’t have plans for Memorial Day, so we decided to go to…PALM BEACH! Sun, pools and beaches, frozen bevs, cute and arrogant preppy boys – it’s going to be awesome. I’ll warn you in advance, I will likely break many of the rules I mandated in the aforementioned post, and A doesn’t adhere to any rules of social media – mine or otherwise – so just prepare yourselves for the inevitable onslaught.

the breakers palm beach

 A & K – ARE YOU READY

 In summary: summery cocktails = good; airlines that lose people = bad; Reddit = ???? Happy Memorial Day!

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