Baxter Bark Twice

Do as I say, never as I do

Posts Tagged ‘Hilary.’

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Some of y’all done lost y’all mind

Posted by AllieB on August 3, 2011

Ahh Kilo Ali.

The y’all to whom I am referring are the celebrities ranging from the A to C-list variety. To start with: Vienna Girardi – COME ON DOWN!!! I will probably tune into the premier of Bachelor Pad next Munday, because I saw a clip with Vienna’s ex, Jake Pavelka saying, “I wish she would fall 3,000 feet to her death” or something totally melodramatic like that. Maybe he’s trying to be a tough guy after being such a pansy during his season on the Bachelor. I don’t know, they’re all really stupid – like, really stupid.

Anyway, Betsy has brought to my attention that Vienna got a nosejob. Or maybe she did. The before might be better than the after, but the after looks older than the before. It’s unclear which is what, which is not exactly the desired effect of rhinoplasty. Nailed it!

BOOBS you’re riding a bike for crissakes, put on some underoos (it’s not a Britney shot or anything, but the wind is blowing….whatever, see for yourself – it’s very PG).

For the LOVE, Mischa – get a mirror, a clue, or maybe even a friend. Friends don’t let friends leave the house looking like this.

Morale, in case it’s not clear, is higher than it was yesterday. Humor at the expense of others always cheers me up. Plus, I love Wednesdays; I always have. Hilbilly is coming to Atlanta tonight – hide your kids, hide your wives!

Have you been watching Curb Your Enthusiasm?? If not, call Comcast and take advantage of the HBO promotion they’re having right now where you can get 3 mos for free (or more, if you work the system – holla!) It’s f’ing hysterical. I don’t even know where to start, it’s all hilarious. Categorically not hilarious: Entourage. I want to drop kick E off the 17th Street bridge.

Valid.

Posted in Arbitrary, Celebs | Tagged: , , , | 1 Comment »

I’m not usually this nice – ride the wave

Posted by AllieB on July 19, 2011

I am a wealth of generosity today – I think I woke up on the right side of the bed (thankfully, not upside down).

First, may I direct your attention to the menu bar above – HOME, ALL ABOUT ALLIE, ATLANTA RESTAURANTS: A GUIDE, BEST OF BBT, and…BOOK LIST! I promised one P.V. (pre-virus), and it’s come to fruition. I wouldn’t call it comprehensive, necessarily, but it’s a good start. And, if I could steer you towards one read in particular, it would be Unbroken by Laura Hillenbrand. It is by far the best book I’ve read in 2011. It’s topping all kinds of charts, but the subject matter seemed daunting and I’d been putting it off…don’t make the same mistake as me. It’s a WWII non-fiction story, and it is – in a word – spectacular.

WEEEEEEE! My mom gave me the hard copy of a WSJ article a couple of weeks ago featuring these leaping pigs, then InTouch featured the photo in some weird photo section they have in the back (InTouch is not for reading – it’s for pictorial perusal only), and then Yancey asked here it had come from, so I looked online and hark! here it is.

One guess whose handiwork this is.

CKB’s in town to do wedding stuff…..BOLO for a 27 Dresses-esque montage of hein b’maids dresses. Not for serious, of course, but just for fun. Part of MoH duties include vetoing things that are ugly, but I will gladly prance around in the most hein thing they’ve got for our own entertainment. That’s how it works, right? Bridal shoppes love me….BRIDES by Demetrios, in particular.

I am feeling unusually charitable this morning – I very easily could’ve segued to a mini-rant about why Katherine Heigl is the pits, but I refrained. I think it’s the pigs – the pigs are making me extra friendly. If you’ve got something you need from me, today would be the day to ask. Sister, yes I WILL make you that sandwich.

ALSO I fixed my insides and am now showing up properly on the Goog. “Baxter Bark Twice” gets you straight to my page…that was a huge pain.

Posted in Arbitrary | Tagged: , , | 2 Comments »

I’d rather smoke crack than eat cheese from a can

Posted by AllieB on July 12, 2011

Actually, I’m not entirely sure I would – crack is very addicting, you know, one hit and you could be a goner…but that’s what Gwyneth said at some function last week. I think Gwynnie is trying a little to hard to be kewl – another snippet from the same event:

“I drink constantly while I’m cooking,” she says. “Wine, either colour.”

Now that is radical.

So, the whole Casey Anthony thing is over and done with (until her tell-all novel/reality show/perfume comes out – eau de Car Trunk…? (that may have been inapprop)), but Nancy Grace’s insanity will forever live on. This video is actually very hysterical because Nancy Grace is such a ridiculous human. Obviously, you need sound, but it’s worth watching.

BBT enjoys the finer things in life, but, unfortunately, Bacchanalia is rarely one of them. Have you ever been? I went once…I’d like to go back, so I entered this contest to win a $250 dinner for two! That would put a decent dent in the bill, I think, so long as I didn’t take Hilary with me. You can enter, too!!! But if you win, you have to take me. Unless you win, Hilary, in which case you will need to tell them that what most consider dinner for two is actually a dinner for uno in your book.Please say a little prayer for Missy Baxter today…she’s having surgery for these lump things that are actually pretty icky and I’m glad she’s getting them removed…anyway, she’s going to have to have a doggy cone and she’s going to hate it. Missy doesn’t like conical accessories.

Happy Tuesday. Have you VOTED FOR BBT YET?!? If you haven’t…well….

 

Posted in Celebs, Really? | Tagged: , , , , , | 6 Comments »

You’ve got mail

Posted by AllieB on May 31, 2011

Sometimes I feel like a tool having my own blog. I’ve more or less come to terms with it, but really – the word “blog” is totally nerd-chill inducing, and I like to think of myself as the anti-nerd, which is why I go the public library at least once/week and am obsessed with all things Kate Middleton.

One of my favorite things about BBT is that people seem to be reading it; I especially like it when they tell me what it is they like best. I received this email recently from a friendly reader, and it made my week. Also, the author of said email is hysterical and I’d be remiss to not share it, even if it wasn’t about BBT (it is, though – it’s about BBT):

Although I have not vocalized this in a comment on your blog, I oh so enjoy reading it.  It makes me giggle like all of the small school children that I had to accompany to Wicked on Wednesday as part of community service outreach (the play was entertaining but not as much as Crystal and Shantelle’s argument about whose shoes were the most “crazy fly”).  And though I can’t enjoy your food trucks in Atlanta, I do frequent the trucks roaming the streets of Another City* and have awoken in bed with remnants of said food trucks on my chest.  I also was propositioned once by an Indian falafel maker…so yea, I am pretty well known to the Other City* food truck industry.  I am classy though, so I didn’t go through with it even though in my mind I was picturing myself sitting on a throne of falafels wearing my jewel-encrusted crown, tossing some out the peasants under my rule…that’s what happens when you marry a falafel maker and move back to his country, right?

Anyhoo, one of the funniest things I saw on your blog was the picture of Hilary (re: lesbian boat driver (captain?) in plaid – I hope Birkenstocks were involved), but everything else is also up to my standards of daily internet consumption, in fact quite higher than my standards.  And I don’t mean to toot my own horn, but toot toot as my standards are quite high (see not hooking up with the falafel maker discussion above).  Keep up the good work!

*changed to protect the innocent…or not-so-innocent as the case may be (see throne of falafels)

Unlike my advice columns, I did not make this up. How could I – I have neither the creativity nor the verbiage to compose such an email. To the auteur I say: toot toot right back at ya.

How funny was that picture of Hilary…while she was not wearing a pair of Birks in the pic, she was sporting a pair of navy blue Crocs – clog-style, complete with heel strap.

The weather is here, wish you were beautiful.. Lurve, Pal, BBT, Pants, Billy

 

Posted in Arbitrary | Tagged: , , , , | 9 Comments »

This is what I do. I drop truth bombs.

Posted by AllieB on April 5, 2011

You know who else drops stuff? Kirstie Alley’s DWTS partner – he dropped her last night live on the air. This was totally inevitable, and it will probably happen at least once or twice, maybe thrice, more. He was a real trooper – putting on a very brave face and saying it was “no big deal” while it was clear to everyone, particularly in this photo, that he was in total agony. It’s gotta be hard to sling around something so cumbersome.

ATTN: all females donned in workout attire at Willy’s on Sundays. The jig is up – you have on spandex to accommodate your regular sized burrito and medium (personal) cheese dip, not because you’ve just gone for a yog. I’m not saying that I haven’t been this person, on occasion, but I just want you to know that I know what you’re trying to pull. Know that I know what you think no one knows. And not only do I know, but now everyone else knows, too. MUTOMBO. Truth bomb.

I think Kate is about to serve up some truth…

http://katemiddletonforthewin.tumblr.com/

No, seriously. Why is it empty :|

Let’s play that game again where I take a photo of a friend/frenemy and do like the Kate Middleton blog does – it was really fun that time I did it with Sister….. without further ado, I share with you my last bomb of truth*, which is by far the biggest/most awesome/my FAVORITE THING EVER.

BOOM.

*credit: Hilary. Thanks for throwing yourself under the bus for this one.

Posted in Arbitrary | Tagged: , , , , | 5 Comments »

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