Baxter Bark Twice

Do as I say, never as I do

Posts Tagged ‘Hilary.’

« Previous Entries
Next Entries »

Theories: Conspiratorial & Otherwise

Posted by AllieB on July 2, 2012

Munday. The maintenance men are in my apartment right now fixing my A/C. THEY BETTER BE FIXING MY A/C THIS IS UNBELIEVABLE. I was grateful to not spend the weekend here in the land-locked Hades, but in Charleston, where I spent several hours lounging in this pool (see below). We were down there in honor of Hildebeast Bel (you’re gonna wanna click thru on that link – you’re welcome in advance), and it literally could not have been a more fun weekend. There was a lot of laughing – I mean, a LOT. A rooftop pool situation overlooking a body of water in an urban setting might be my favorite thing.

The pool and the sunset. I do love a good vista!

Should you find yourself in Charleston in the near future, go to the Market Pavilion Hotel & Rooftop Bar and have a Michelob Ultra with a lemon and the Lump Crab Cake Sandwich. Beware of the security detail that comes out at around 8 PM…unless someone stashed the Hope Diamond up there, they’re probably taking themselves a little too seriously.

So, this was recently brought to my attention, and I am completely fascinated: the conspiracy theory surrounding the Denver Airport. Y’all, something is amiss here. The highly reputable and reliable site, skeptoid.com, says the following:

 Its construction began with five mysterious buildings that were completed and then buried intact, with the cover story that they were “built wrong”. Up to 8 levels of underground facilities are said to exist, and workers who go there refuse to answer questions about what they do. The entire airport is surrounded by a barbed wire guard fence, with the barbed wire angled inward, to keep people in, like a giant prison, not out like at other airports. And if viewed from the air, the runways are revealed to be laid out in the shape of a Nazi swastika. Questions about what the government might be doing in this underground base may have been answered in 2007, when fourteen commercial aircraft reported spontaneously shattered windshields as the presumed result of electromagnetic pulses.

Aerial view of the Denver Airport. I think we can all agree what this looks like.

Indoors, the airport gets even stranger. The Illuminati appear to have detailed their plans for global genocide and a New World Order in two large murals. The first depicts a huge Nazi soldier with dead women and children scattered around him…

Mural inside the airport.

Me, I’m thinking that regardless of who or what that painting’s meant to be of, it has ZERO business on the wall of an international travel hub in the United States. WTF! Anyway, I’m 100% drinking the kool-aid that is this conspiracy – something weird’s going on over there in Denver…and if I mysteriously go missing, I think we know who to blame. Illuminati/New World Order: I’m looking at you.

Jessica Simpson tweeted this picture last week. I don’t….why….how….WHAT IS WRONG WITH HER.

50 boutiques in 50 states  by elle.com – I saw they even found one in Delaware, so that’s something.

101 Books To Read This Summer Besides ’50 Shades of Grey’ – this is a very in-depth flow chart with something for everyone. But, I will say, go ahead and knock out the 50 trilogy – you know you’re going to eventually, so you may as well go ahead and join the masses rather than be the dillhole who’s still reading it 8 months from now.

Lastly! To those who reached out in response to my last post about my relocation to NYC – THANK YOU!!! I will be pursuing you all ardently in the coming weeks, so prepare yourselves.

Posted in Arbitrary | Tagged: , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

Let’s put another shrimp on the barbie

Posted by AllieB on February 2, 2012

Australian accents are hot. I don’t care if it’s a girl or guy, if they’re cute or not so much – anyone with an Aussie twang is at least a 6 on my scale. No, a 5…but that’s not a bad place to be from the get go. I had the pleasure of chatting with two males from Oz last night, which, obviously, is what spurned this philosophical waxing today. These two gents hailed from Walla Walla (or maybe not that exactly – they were very hard to understand…Australians mumble a lot??) and happened to be twin brothers. Oh my. Twin brothers from Australia…and did I mention they were 6’2″ with curly brown hair and big green eyes?  Our interaction was short-lived, and we parted ways before I could marry one or both invite myself along on their worldwide trek, but the interaction brought back some very fond memories…. I couldn’t help but reminisce on my own six month sojourn to the Land Down Under back in 2k4.

I lived here in Coogee Beach outside of Sydney…

And hung out at places like this in the Whitsunday Islands…

I even went skydiving!

Skydiving was definitely one of the coolest things I’ve ever done. It was over the Great Barrier Reef and one of the world’s only beach landings. I saw all kinds of craziness on the way down: sharks, hundred-year-old sea turtles, my life flashing before my eyes….I watched the film a few years back. My suggestion to you re: skydiving videos is as follows: don’t do it. Trust me, being filmed by the man strapped to your back with a camera held about 6 inches away from your face whilst free falling from 14,000 feet is no one’s best look. Plus, when you’re jumping out of an airplane, you might find yourself inclined to say things you would not otherwise say…which will be captured forever on this video. I’m not sure what a good alternative would be – maybe have a third person jump at the same time and film you/the scenery from afar/a more flattering angle? Regardless, my skydiving experience is one that I will cherish forever and share with no one….and I really need to find that videotape.

One of the best things about Australia is the way they do breakfast. In theory it’s the same as the US: eggs, bacon, toast…but in practice it is ever so much more. The bacon is the kicker – over there they serve up these thick slices of juicy meat, not greasy, grainy skinny little strips like here. I understand that some people are perfectly fond of that kind of bacon – me, I love all bacon – but the Australian take on breakfast pork is just better. My bowl of maple and brown sugar oatmeal suddenly seems woefully inadequate…

Sooo, that rodent Punxsatawny Phil DID see his shadow therefore we can look forward to six more weeks of winter. Well, KMA, Phil – Atlanta begs to differ. I hope I didn’t just jinx us to a freak March snowstorm…knock on wood or something.

UGA had a badass signing day yesterday, and I don’t know if they’re even counting this girl, Anna Watson, who is real and not photoshopped and could obviously give a brick wall a run for its money. WTF?!

Hilary, this girl could be your triplet. It’s uncanny!

This has not been BBT’s best week. Go forth and prosper.

Posted in Arbitrary | Tagged: , , , , , , | 3 Comments »

A cure for the common hangover

Posted by AllieB on December 5, 2011

The FDA has approved a hangover pill – a pill that promises to cure your hangover. (Credit: Baxter Bark Thrice)

Blowfish in an over-the-counter effervescent tablet that contains 1,000 milligrams of aspirin, 120 milligrams of caffeine and a stomach-soothing agent.

So how is this different from taking two Tylenol and chugging down a grande at Starbucks?

“The magic of the effervescent tablet is that it hits your system much faster than getting a cup of coffee, taking an antacid and taking some aspirin separately,” creator Brenna Haysom told the NYDN.

It also works fast, promising to have you feeling normal and functional in just 15-30 minutes.  And it won’t break the bank, even if you’re a practicing alcoholic. A single dose is just $2.99, or $11.99 for a six-pack.   For those wanting to see if this miracle pill actually works, you can find it online, at Ricky’s and in your local Duane Reade in January.

Well, color me skeptical. The fact that the FDA’s approved it says a lot, though…my take on hangovers is this: mind over matter. But I’m not opposed to a pill, in addition to my mantra. Here’s the link to purchase on Amazon – of course Amazon carries it. I guess it couldn’t hurt to try..? Tell you what, why doesn’t someone volunteer to order it for me then I’ll try it and let you know if it works or not. ‘Tis the season for empty wallets and a multitude of holiday parties.

HILBILLY and Jimbabwe are ENGAGED! I am so happy.

Another thing about which I am happy: this Best of Craigslist gem shared with me by Paxton. I’m still not convinced he didn’t write it….

Apropos of nothing. But who doesn’t love a thieving guinea pig?!

Yeah he is.

“That’s all.”  -Miranda Priestly

Posted in Imparting Wisdom | Tagged: , , | 6 Comments »

Do something! Or not. Whatever.

Posted by AllieB on November 8, 2011

Oh hey. Here’s what’s happening in your world today:

If you live in the great state of Georgia, today is the day to vote YES (or no) to Sunday alcohol sales. I’m sure there are lots of other things to vote on, depending upon your district, but you can research that on your own. I CAN’T DO EVERYTHING.

Conrad Murray was found guilty for involuntary manslaughter of Michael Jackson. I do not have strong feelings either way about this, but it did serve to make my case of the Mondays a little better – there’s always a silver lining.

It’s great being so apathetic – really makes my life much easier/uncomplicated.

There’s a new addition to the BBT (extended) Family…! Meet & Greet Agnes, the adorable Wheaton puppy. She belongs to Hilary. As much Hilary makes me want to yarf up breakfast, I know little Agnes is here is going to enjoy the good life with Hilary smothering taking care of her.

From top: Agnes zonked out in her pile of toys; Agnes coming at ya; Agnes = puppy perfection

I did go the Chomp & Stomp Chili Cook-Off on Saturday. For the third consecutive year I managed to avoid any and all chili – success.

I haven’t had Tex’s Tacos in over a month and I MISS THEM. I might go to Monarch Plaza today for lunch – here’s their schedule for the week.

I’m trying a new thing on BBT this week where I’m going to interview someone and then cross-blog with them. IE, I post something on BBT and they refer to it on their blog – at least I think that’s the deal; we’ll hammer out the deets. So…BOLO for a change-up.

Posted in Arbitrary | Tagged: , , , | 4 Comments »

Hey, look – gullible is written on the ceiling

Posted by AllieB on August 16, 2011

Meet & greet: the lap giraffe. At its tallest, it grows to be approximately 30 inches, or 2 feet 6 inches tall. As a bambino, it is a mere 6 inches tall. If you want to see the live cam of the farm on which they live in Russia, go here. If he’s not there, don’t worry – he come back.

 A two week old lap giraffe.

Ivanka – she is the most famous and wealthy of the lap giraffes

Per the website:

Petite Lap Giraffes are very funny animal that require special care. They need lots of love. Hugs and kisses every day. Otherwise they make tears.

Grooming: a bubble bath once a week with purified water is all they need.

In case you haven’t picked up on it, lap giraffes do not exist. But how cool would that be if they did?! Get it together, Science – I want a lap giraffe like NOW, Todd. I need two – one for me and one for my good friend, MPvZB.

I definitely fell for the hoax of the lap giraffes. I mean, I had my doubts, but they can clone and crap nowadays, so why can’t they have miniature giraffes…it was when I got to the pictures of Ivanka that I was like, “waaaaaaait a second…” I believe anything you tell me can always discern fact from fiction…and make use of the helpful web page, Snopes. And tap into the wonder they call “common sense.”

I blame Tuesday for this momentary lapse of judgement. Tuesdays and Hilary are always to blame for my mishaps.

Posted in Arbitrary | Tagged: , , , | 2 Comments »

« Previous Entries
Next Entries »