Baxter Bark Twice

Do as I say, never as I do

Posts Tagged ‘can we not’

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Enlighten me.

Posted by AllieB on December 1, 2011

Forget my lame suggestion of ties yesterday, if you’re willing to fork over $750, THIS is what you should buy the guy in your life:

It’s The BEASTIE BOYS! Per NYMag: Packaged in a handsome metal box are three eleven-inch dolls — fully poseable! — each with their own stands, white jumpsuits, goggles, work boots, and safety vests. (Who knew these rebels were OSHA compliant?) Tossed in for good measure is the two-disc deluxe version of their Sounds of Science. Yes, at $750 it’s a bit pricey for a meta-gift, but proceeds from all sales are split between two charities that benefit kids with cancer.

Fully poseable?! Who could pass. You’re welcome.

For this week’s Confounding Conundrum, I share with you the pictorial comparison below. Shown are two women: both are approximately 5’2″ and share the same thick trunk/shoulder/no-neck body type; both are five months pregnant.

And I guess the similarities end there, because evidently Hillary Duff is giving birth to a newborn human, whereas Jessica Simpson is giving birth to Shaq. I do wish that Hillary had on tights or a longer skirt, but for the most she looks pretty great. And it’s not that Jessica looks bad, per se, it’s that she still has FOUR MONTHS TO GO. This begs the question – what on earth is she growing in there?

I am reminded of the classic film, Men in Black. Rookie agent, Will Smith, is new on the job and is innocently helping a woman he believes to be human deliver her child. Everything is going as well as it could be, when BOOM!

Squid baby.

All I’m saying is: if I were Eric What’s-His-Face, I’d stick out the delivery in the waiting room, just to be safe.

Happy Birthday to BOBBY! BBT hearts you. XX

Take it easy and just be breezy. Yours in ridicule,

Baxter Bark Twice

LEST I FORGET: My friend Helen’s biz, H&H Home, will be featured as part of One Kings Lane’s signature Tastemaker Tag Sale series:  One Kings Lane will be offering our vintage and one-of-a-kind items at up to 50% off retail, starting TONIGHT, December 1st at 6:00 PM PST / 9 PM EST. Our Collection includes a curated assortment of newly finished, never-before-seen items hand-selected by H&H Home. To learn more, and preview the collection, visit www.handhhome.com. To join One Kings Lane and shop OUR sale, go to https://www.onekingslane.com/sales/12418 

ALSO: Scout for the Home is open til 8 tonight and will be serving wine. Scout is a great place to buy smaller items for the home/gifts…think mothers, sisters, friends and the like.

Posted in Celebs, Really? | Tagged: , , , | 3 Comments »

Why don’t you have a seat, Encyclopedia Brown

Posted by AllieB on September 7, 2011

Oh, hello. Time for some Q & A.

Are the Dawgs going to disappoint us all season?

I don’t know, but Saturday sucked. Royally. And the uniforms of both teams were eye sores – let’s keep the fashion statements off the field, shall we boys, and I won’t try to discuss a topic about which I know nothing. Next question.

Is it time for an eggtervention?

Yes. I love eggs. I just made an accidental and surprisingly healthy french toast by putting slightly runny scrambled eggs on a bagel round then going on a fit of tidiness and cleaning my kitchen. By the time I got to my breakfast, I had a borderline french toast situation that was a-mah-zing. If I talk about this anymore I will lose 99% of my readers (Mom, you’ll still read, right? You love eggs!), so, self – consider this an intervention. INTERVENED.

Does the phrase, “clear as a crystal, sharp as a knife” have new meaning?

Unfortunately. It’s the Billy Joel lyric that the sad-and-getting-sadder Lindsay Lohan tattoed on herself. She might as well have gotten, “I am begging you, please do not take me seriously” inked on her torso and called it a day. Or maybe, to keep things short and sweet, a simple “hot mess.” I’m going to stop talking about her, it’s just too pathetic.

Is writing BBT sometimes a pain?

Pass.

What restaurants have you been to recently of which you are especially fond?

One Eared Stag in Inman Park. I went with BP to a swanky cocktail thing there a few weeks ago. Like: bar treats are not your standard bowls of nuts, but mason jars of cured bacon. Like: their Moscow Mules. Like: they had lard. I have a special fondness for all places that offer lard on their charcuterie plate. It’s got a very cool yet chill ambiance, and – AND – perhaps the best thing of all: it is directly across from the Marta station. I’m not sure which one, but how’s that for convenient!

Also, all things in the Westside Provisions District. I dined with Pants and Pal at Taqueria del Sol yesterday, then we continued our binge at Star Provisions. I want to live in Star Provisions. And I want to dress my non-existent child in things exclusively from B. Braithwaite. And myself in things from Anthro and Ann Mashburn. Christiane Celle, founder of Calypso clothing was in Atlanta recently on a scouting trip and she – the taste maker herself – declared the Westside to be a very “chic” neighborhood.

Remarkable: my crap Blackberry camera makes even Star Provisions look unappetizing. Also not helping: Sister and Allison’s mauling of the treats.

Molly, I think you’re very wise to suggest my B’berry to shoot our Bootlegz post. Molly is the founder of Bootlegz – you can read all about them here and BOLO for our upcoming post. This pleasantly fall-esque weather reminds us that fall is around the corner…! I.E., time to purchase an accessory that ensures our jeans stay put beneath our boots. More on that later.

Just to highlight the difference between my camera and, say, an iphone – enjoy this dramatic image I swiped from BP’s instagram images. My life is sad.

The skies are angry!

Posted in Arbitrary, Food & Drink | Tagged: , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

Not for the faint of heart

Posted by AllieB on May 3, 2011

Double-u.Tee.Eff.

I’ve been trying to spice up my workout regimen because I hate working out, and everyone knows that variety is the spice of life, so… what I’m saying is that I’ve been doing some new stuff.

Enter: spinning. Spinning is basically a lesson in masochism. My mom and I tried out a new class at the gym, and it was the first time for both of us. The class ended just as our usual Monday class, Body Pump, was getting started, and everyone stared at us – partly in sympathy but mostly in sheer horror- one person remarked that it looked like we’d beaten each other up. It was really, really hard. I’m going to go back on Wednesday; spinning is my Everest. And CharBax: you’re nuts. NUTS. I always thought you were loco with your 100 mile bike rides, but now I think you’re totally mental (and I mean that in an awe-struck kind of way).

Well, this is fortuitous timing – spotted on my favorite blog about random crap…

I like where their head’s at, but, to be honest, biking + booze don’t really mix. The only thing I’d bring to spinning besides water is a restorative electrolyte enhanced fruity beverage and a towel, not to mention that you really can get arrested for Cycling Under the Influence (CUI). BBT says: A for Effort, F for Fail.

Ok, now I’m laughing – first the Teva Stilettos, then the Poots, and now….these (also from Hairpin).

Run, don’t walk, to your nearest Prada boutique for this season’s must-have: $1,500 Mary Janes with the leg already built in! Didn’t shave your legs? Not to worry – this Mary Jane boot (MaJoot?) is the answer to your unsightly hairiness. These are the least alluring leg adornments ever, IMO – you’d be better off in nude hose and no one is EVER better off in nude hose. BBT says: do not want.

Friendly reminder: Mother’s Day is on Sunday!!! Luv u, Mom :)

Posted in Arbitrary, Really? | Tagged: , , , | 5 Comments »

Kindly cool it with the canoodling

Posted by AllieB on December 13, 2010

JustJared reports that, last Thursday,  Boobs Legsly and Ryan Gosling were seen canoodling at the Standard Hotel in NYC after his premiere of his new film, Blue Valentine (per Fleming’s somewhat adamant request, I finally watched the trailer – I encourage you all to do so…this looks like a good flick). Not only did she sneakily enter the screening of the film through a back entrance to keep a “low profile” (you’re not that famous, Boobs), but they also ate dinner at the Standard Grill after the party where they enjoyed a nice meal of…oysters.

I am very irritated with this development. Here is why:

  1. age difference (she’s 23, he’s 30)
  2. in The Notebook he loves a girl named Allie…that is my name
  3. I really like him; I cannot stand her

This is even more bothersome than the Taylor Swift and Jake Gyllenhall coupling, largely because Taylor Swift is so meh, IMO, although I do enjoy her music, and Boobs is just sooo annoying. What is WRONG WITH YOUR MOUTH.

Oh, whatever.

If you’re still in need of Christmas gifts and are looking to air on the side of obscure – here are some great ideas. I’m a little obsessed with these NYC vs. Paris prints – there’s a whole series of them. And surely there is someone on your list for whom a silver retainer necklace would be perfect.

Posted in Arbitrary, Celebs | Tagged: , , , , | 5 Comments »

For the Outdoorsy Prostitute in all of us!

Posted by AllieB on December 9, 2010

Teva Stilettos.  I can’t think of anything that doesn’t make sense about a stiletto made by Teva. Never again will we say, as we launch out on an overnight hiking excursion, “I would be a lot more excited about this 30 mile trek if I could only trade out this pair of functional Merrell’s for a pair of high heeled sandals with the look and feel of a Teva.”

They’re nothing if not versatile – look at that: wear them as a sexy sandal, with a thick wool sock on a rocky trail, or, OR whilst wielding an unwieldy wheelbarrow.

source: thequickanddirty.com

Although, come to think of it, if there’s someone on your gift list about whom you always say, “What do you get the girl who has everything?” – these might be just that.

Posted in Arbitrary, Really? | Tagged: , , , | 7 Comments »

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