Baxter Bark Twice

Do as I say, never as I do

Posts Tagged ‘AWD’s’

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Today > all the other days

Posted by AllieB on March 20, 2014

Happy First Day of Spring! I mean that sincerely, without any irony.

I walked 3.7 miles home from work on Tuesday evening: it was a balmy 40 degrees, I had a horrible case of office eyes and was in dire need of fresh air, plus my credit card may or may not have been at The Randolph in Nolita since the Friday previous. It took me about 70 mins, start to finish, and I made my way thru a lot of tunes and even a few thoughts.

walking home and tunes

 The thoughts I’ll keep to myself…although I don’t think I had any between Madison Sq Park and Houston – I truly cannot account for a single moment of those 30-odd blocks. It always weirds me out when that happens.

As I mentioned earlier, Adult Allie left her card at the bar on Fri, and it stayed posted up there for four full days before I finally got around to retrieving it. What’s remarkable to me is that, in the time we were apart, I managed to use it just as much if not more than usual, including 3 or 4 orders off Seamless (3-4x), an Amazon item (obviously), and these from Shopbop (Mom, I can justify these to you in a separate conversation). Thanks, Internet, for storing my payment methods and facilitating/enabling/abetting my one-click shopping habit. I love hate lovehatelove the Internet.

In this week’s “Legitimately Useful Information” segment, I share with you some Google hacks I learned from my new favorite site, Refinery29 – the article has 10, and here are my favorites:

You know when you’re trying to tell someone about a song, and you kind of know the name of it but you’re missing a vital word? Simply insert an * for the word you don’t know, and Goog does the rest:

Shake ya Tailfeather

The other one I like, because I am forever wondering how to say things in various languages, is to add “translate” before the phrase in question and then the language you’re wondering about at the end. This is better explained via image, per the below:

where is the bathroom swahili

Ambapo ni bafuni? I am ready for my visit to the Congo!

I’ve made jokes about this in the past, but y’all…could Culinary Allie be more than a figment of my imagination?? In the past couple of weeks I have handily whipped up a number of delicious concoctions, and other people have eaten these creations and not a single person suffered from any kind of poisoning or death. When is the next Top Chef audition?

look whos cooking Baked Marinaded Tomatoes with Sauteed Spinach and Cheese (credit: Swedge’s Pinterest); Top Sirloin cooked to rare-medium perfection in my skillet grill pan, accompanied by bottleS, apparently, of Malbec and a lovely view; chocolate chip cookie dough from scratch

Who even needs pasta?? Me. I need pasta. T-minus 30 days.

WHERE.IS.THE.PLANE. WHERE IS THE PLANE!?!?! Oh, maybe Australia. Nope, scratch that – it’s in The Bermuda Triangle.

In an effort to curb my burgeoning gambling problem, I chose not to fill out a bracket for sports. I look forward to heckling those who lose and sucking up to those who are winning out…it’s all about the Benjamins (yours, not mine).

When I use a lot of pictures I therefore feel the need to use fewer words. TGIT! Today > all the other days. One little known but entirely true fact about the First Day of Spring is that After Work Drinks are mandatory… soooo AWD’s for everybody! MC, try to keep it together til I get there….

P.S. When I read this I nearly trashed today’s entire post because YES: How The First Day of Spring Feels in NYC

We are just so happy and want to be outside….

And eat Brunch outdoors.

How The First Day Of Spring Feels Like In NYC

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How to Lose Friends & Alienate People

Posted by AllieB on January 23, 2014

I write today about choosing the company you keep. At this point in my life, I know exactly who I like, who I don’t like, and who I wish to send here, and it’s time to make some changes. I’ve outlined some methods that focus on the implementation of passive-aggressive behavior – as everyone knows, such conduct is a highly effective and emotionally prudent way to drop the zeros and get with only heroes.  See below.

#1: Trim the Fat. Cut the B-Team. You know – the people who are a third, maybe fourth resort when you’re looking to make plans. Wouldn’t you rather stay home than force awkward conversation while pretending to not look over their shoulder to see if there’s anyone better to talk to? I would. Done. It’s hard enough to keep your inner circle at arms length – these peeps gotta go.

#2: Just Say No. “Allie, want to get lunch today?” Nope. “Does anyone want to meet for happy hour?” Sure don’t. “Want to go shopping in Brooklyn?” Absolutely not. “So-and-so’s playing at Bowery tonight – wanna go?” What do you think?

#3: Flat Face. I talk about “flat face” all the time: it is the ultimate unimpressed expression that reeks of judgement and disdain. Cut to a Thursday evening at your favorite bar/restaurant –  you’re sitting at a table with a few friends, having a really fun conversation, oblivious to all around you. Then you sense it: the lurking presence of some stain primed to ruin everything. He interjects, “Well, hey there ladies…” Say nothing, just turn slowly to him with your flattest face and maintain eye contact for a couple seconds – trust me, he’ll pick up what you’re putting down…he might even cry a little. Be advised: this sometimes goes awry if you’re with people who do not employ FF and instead entertain strangers as though they might bring something of value to the evening. When this happens, you will look like a total bitch. Me, I say: Mission Accomplished!

flat faced

:|

#4: Radio Silence. Stop responding altogether.

#5: Salt-n-Pepa. Conversely, let’s say someone has decided to ignore you – who knows why, probably because of something you did – and they’re trying to utilize the approach described in #4. Under no circumstances will you take this lying down: instead you assault (“salt”) them with texts and pepper (“pepa”) them with questions. This strategy is actually empowering because you are knowingly foiling their Radio Silence plan, and knowledge is power. The Mess-er, as they say, becomes the Mess-ee. See below for a “salting” in the literal sense.

salt the snail

Sister, you are to me what Gail the Snail is to Charlie. xoxo

So there ya have it – 5 easy steps to fewer friends and more enemies…you are welcome! Also, I’m kidding*

*Except for number 3**

**OK, let’s get real for a sec: I’m trying – like in real life – to do the opposite of everything I just said. Especially #3, even though that’s going to be very hard for me, but it’s time to expand my horizons. I realized recently I am my own worst enemy when it comes to social ventures – I’m used to being included by default, but if you say no enough people really will start to get the hint. It is incumbent upon my nearest and dearest to hold me accountable as I attempt to eradicate these bad habits. Consider this needlessly sarcastic post a cry for help.

ANYWAY in other news…

Superbowl XLVIII is Broncos v Seahawks! And it’s in NYC!! Actually, it’s in Jersey, but whatevs. Not gonna lie, I was pulling for Tom and the Pats on Sunday (I have a thing for Tom), but this should be a good game. TBD who I’m cheering for – right now I’m thinking I’ll take chicken wings over the hummus.

I made this in 2011 - I still think it's some of my best work

Alsele & Tom

What a nice, non-creepy photo. I hope Tom Brady doesn’t have a Goog alert set for his name…I’d be so embarrassed if Tom Brady saw this!

Aaaand the weather outside is weather.

Winter Storm Janus. Who's naming these things?!

Outside our apt Tuesday evening. Credit: my roomie OBatt

Winter Storm Janus hit the Northeast coast pretty rough on Tuesday. Who’s naming these things?!

I screen-grabbed my own Snap. Yep.

Post-spin, pre-#wine. I screen-grabbed my own Snap

Have wonderful Thursdays. MC & KR, I’m thinking margs for this eve…? A spicy jalapeno one, to be specific.

Posted in Arbitrary, Imparting Wisdom | Tagged: , , , , , , , , | 10 Comments »

Truth Day

Posted by AllieB on August 15, 2013

And by truth day I mean…a day of truths.

1. I like Perrier, but I love Pellegrino

2. If there’s one thing I really miss about Atlanta it is the ubiquitous, well-priced, spacious delight of a grocery store that is Publix. It irks me that grocery stores up here can’t sell wine – I’m not sure what BS law mandates that; I think it’s just because there isn’t enough room. I also really miss the Publix sub sammies; this was a heretofore containable yearning that has blossomed into an insatiable craving thanks to this link MC sent me. The key, y’all, is to ask them to scoop the bread and add fresh jalapenos to everything.

If you’ve never experienced the glory of a Pub Sub, you’re probably wondering what’s soooooo great.

Publix Subs Are The Most Delicious Thing To Ever Happen On Earth

two points for the Leo GIF. You come here to me, Leo

3. When people try my patience I count to ten and employ breathing exercises I learned in that yoga class I took once. Namaste.

4. I saw this on Pinterest ages ago, and it’s really stuck with me. That Pinterest – so wise.

wise words

truth bomb.

5. I don’t drink coffee, I drink Earl Grey tea with almond milk. 3-4 cups in the morning, 1 in the afternoon. And now you know so you can quit wondering

6. My new running shoes are from the men’s department – NOT because of size…because of color.

7. Why is it that people with brand new puppies do not post nearly enough pictures, yet people with new babies…all the damn time.

8. I used to smoke a LOT of cigarettes. It was a filthy habit and one I 100% shut down literally the day I arrived in NYC.

9. I’m alarmingly bad at math. I didn’t know how to do 20% of a number until like six months ago. People always told me the trick of moving the decimal to the left and multiplying by two, but I thought it was it myth. It is not.

10. For the love of Roy G Biv, slow your roll on filters. I don’t not use them, but – as with everything in life – moderation is key. Taking innocuous scenery shots and using 12 CameraPlus filters is cheating, and then it usually goes from bad to worse with hashtag drivel like, #nottooshabbyforaMonday – it’s annoying as eff. Here, por ejemplo:

before and after

A totally meh scene made post-worthy by aggressive enhancement. #waitthatiscool #maybeIshouldputitonInsta

11. That empty subway car is empty for a reason

12. BBT turned three in July. This means to say: if BBT were a dog, BBT could get wasted legally. In toto, BBT has 341 published posts – 3/4 of them are about weather, 2/3 mention Kate Middleton, 1/2 discuss my love of reading, 1/3 tell that story about the woman dying next to me on an airplane…I’m lucky anyone reads this thing.

13. Once you’re in the trust tree, you’re there for.ev.er

14. I really like my job. Even without Bagel Fridays I genuinely look forward to coming to work. And, just when I thought things couldn’t get any better, my most favorite friend El works here now, too!!! I’m on the 10th floor and she’s on the 11th, which is good because there needn’t be too much togetherness, but it’s fun to know she’s here and is available for afternoon strolls and/or AWD’s.

2000 lax cats

We go waaay back: 2000 Lax Cats. We’re in there somewhere

15. Back to Leo, please enjoy this GIF history of Leo DiCaprio raising glasses. Will someone give the man an Oscar already!? I’m going to watch Blood Diamond this weekend. Maybe also Romeo + Juliet.

16. My kid’s gonna be the one with the pony. My kid might also be the one without shoes…

17. Allow me to reiterate my suggestion of Orange is the New Black. My enthusiasm has increased tenfold in the last week and you should all tune in. No flakiness – it has my official stamp of approval. Boom. Sidebar: did you know that I am a notary for the State of New York? It’s like I literally have a stamp of approval.

18. Y’all know how much I love horoscopes – NYMag now does a weekly roundup using, yep, GIFs (scroll down for the good stuff). Here is mine for this week:

GEMINI: Go off by yourself and spend time in contemplation or meditation. At this time of year, psychological self-evaluation can be of enormous help in your personal growth.

Ha. Haha. Well played.

19. This seems like a good stopping place.

And a very happy Thursday to you and yours!

Posted in Arbitrary, Celebs | Tagged: , , , , , , , | 7 Comments »

Today is Picture Day!

Posted by AllieB on April 26, 2013

Happy Friday!! Instead of writing words, I posted pictures. There are ten photos, and then a bonus one so eleven total. Bon appétit!

1. This is where I am sitting right now.

photo 1

2. Meanwhile, someone in our Santa Monica office is sitting here #oh #neat

This is the view from a desk in our Santa Monica office #oh #neat

3. JTommLiv got an iPhone…

JTommLiv got an iPhone

4. Saturday’s sunset from Marion’s rooftop. I will never, ever tire of this view #IheartNY

Saturday's sunset from Marion's rooftop. I will never tire of the NYC skyline #vista

 5. I finally went to the Spotted Pig. Fleming and I shared this (and some pink wine) – it was everything I hoped it would be

photo 4

6. This is the block where I live. It’s like the set of my very own romantic comedy except not (yet)

photo 2

7. I’m going to AFRICA!!!! G Force and I are booking our tickets to Malawi this weekend. It is part goodwill, part adventure, and I am so excited. I did some goog’ing and learned that Malawi is far away. It will be winter when we’re there (July), so that’s a perk – for a second I was like, why am I going to Africa in July, but then I remembered the different hemisphere/opposite season thing. Der. The flight is 16+ hours…I’m gonna need to pack my eye mask for sure, or, as a co-worker helpfully suggested re: my unfortunate sleeping habits, “just put a bag over my head.”

20123

8. Before going to Africa I will turn 30. El and I went for a walk on the Westside Highway last night and I scouted out some potential spots for my big bday bash…I just love a good vista #nofilter #evenJerseylooksgood

photo 4

9. I guess it’s good thing we went for that walk…sometimes I revolt against the goals I set for myself. It’s very productive.

MYEQ Dashboard - Google Chrome 4262013 71628 AM.bmp

10. This might be a little weird because I have no idea who this person is (I got it off Buzzfeed) BUT I WANT TO BE HER #pileofpuppies #puppiesinapile

PILE of PUPPIES

Bonus #11. Let’s open up the vault: real life Picture Days of yore. 3rd Grade was pretty good, if I do say so myself. 4th Grade – not so much. I was at the height of my Marla Hooch phase…and it will come as no surprise that I no longer wanted to be called Allie, but Alex #identitycrisis #goBraves #firstpickforkickball

picstitch

Well that was fun. Pictures = easier than words. Have an AWESOME weekend!!! XOXOXO

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Thirsty/Thrifty/Throwback Thursday

Posted by AllieB on August 23, 2012

The Donkey and I were enjoying half-price beers and tacos last night at The Ivy*, and chatting about what have you: my move, our friends, the DOW index, Jessica Simpson’s weight status…etc. I am my own best resource for all things pertaining to JSimps, so when we wanted to look at pics, I searched my JSimps tag which I affix to any and all posts wherein I discuss my favorite buxom blonde. Well, turns out I’m something of a prophet – please read what I wrote about her on September 29, 2011 in response to a tabloid article claiming she was pregnant (this was a month before she officially confirmed it):

Everyone knows that InTouch is for photographic perusal ONLY and that their news reporting is almost always erroneous, but when they say things like this – I pay attention: EXCLUSIVE: IT’S OFFICIAL: JESSICA SIMPSON IS PREGNANT.

No one is really giving InTouch an exclusive anything (except that stupid LeAnn Rimes, maybe – she is the WORST), but I’m going with it. To quote another newsworthy source, Hollywood Reporter, “Jess has sorta looked pregnant for awhile. Now she actually is!” I can’t decide if I want her to be or not…you can’t make fun of pregnant people for being fat. Though she could really blow up – the same article also reported that she’s craving nachos dipped in chocolate, so this is promising…I guess now she’ll actually have to confirm or deny via reputable news source.

I knew, in my heart of hearts, that was she was going to be an enormous pregnant lady, and I was RIGHT! So validating. And I think we can all agree that I’ve officially put the nail in my karmic coffin re: my own unpleasant pregnancy…so I’ve got that to look forward to, which is neat. There hasn’t been a picture of post-baby Jessica since early July…I am waiting with breath that is bated for the next sighting.

This was the throwback part of the post. Also, this:

Happy Birthday to Tina in 2007! I forgot to acknowledge your b-dizzle last week, so here is a tardy holla. We went to MJQ, and it got wild…HOLY SH*T THAT WAS FIVE YEARS AGO. I can’t…I don’t…I’m having a really hard time processing that truthbomb – ha, more like truth nuclear warhead. Ugh. At least my hair isn’t that color anymore; BBT is not a blonde.

It’s funny to me that I really don’t read other blogs, but I do read Witty + Pretty, a very informative site written by a fellow Atlantan who clearly knows her stuff. This week she introduced me to the wonder that is Songza. Songza is a FREE music app that has like a gazillion different playlists for any occasion – literally, any occasion.  There are lists for activities, such as: Curing Road Rage, Sitting on a Back Porch, Walking Through a City, lists for moods: Lush, Sexual, Trashy, and they also have genres and categories you can search…I feel like I discovered a whole new portal to the internet or something – there are seemingly unlimited options. Also, I know said this a second ago but I’m saying it again: Songza is FREE and there are ZERO commercials. Smell ya later, Pandora; Songza 4 eva. (This is the thrifty portion, btw.)

Thirsty? Why, yes, I am. If you feel like getting complicated, I refer you to this list of Atlanta’s 10 Most Iconic Drinks – that margarita at Agave has my name all over it – or you can go the simpler route with this:

Look, there’s three for me one for each of us.

That’s it for Thursday. Peace playas.

*I’m already nostalgic for The Ivy – I realized this as I signed my $9 tab for 3 beers and chicken tacos; that is a freaking steal. And I also just realized that this little afterthought blurb incorporates all three of today’s talking points: thirsty, thrifty, and throwback. Man, I am GOOD.

Posted in Arbitrary, Imparting Wisdom | Tagged: , , , , , | 4 Comments »

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