Baxter Bark Twice

Do as I say, never as I do

Posts Tagged ‘a woman died on my airplane’

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Seattle: The Sunshine State

Posted by AllieB on July 30, 2012

Should you find yourself planning a trip with me that includes flying on an airplane, do yourself a favor and don’t. Or at least book a different flight; it’s become glaringly obvious that I am the proverbial black cat of air travel. Exhibit A: the woman who died on my plane to my France. That sucked. I know it was way worse for her, obviously, and her loved ones, but it was no picnic for yours truly, either. Exhibit B: my flight to Seattle last week. I was in an exit row, enjoying the leg room and another chilling Lisa Gardner mystery, when I heard a loud thud. I didn’t even look up – I already knew I wanted nothing to do with what was happening. Sure enough, a woman had passed out standing up and fell down, breaking her pelvis in the process. Having no medical background, I didn’t feel the need to join the crowd gathering around her, and I figured someone had to man the exit row anyway…I’m not totally useless in emergency situations, but I’ve learned that sometimes it’s best to just stay clear of the fracas. I guess Exhibit B isn’t so bad, and had I been sitting elsewhere on the plane I probably wouldn’t have even known about the incident, but that’s kind of my point – I always seem to be in close proximity to ground zero of the trauma.

Anyway – Seattle! Great city. We even had awesome weather, which is kind of unheard of given there is some sort of precipitation 220 days out of the year. Bleak. Here are some pics. Neat.

Vistas! Elliot Bay; Space Needle at night; Mt. Ranier

if you don’t love sea otters, you are probably dead inside

I tried on Avatar shoes at an Avatar exhibit – they fit perfectly :|

The end. It was great having all six of us together, and I even got to see NANDI – good times, y’all, good times…

Now I have to move out of my apartment, and I have no idea where to start. Moving is the worst. Does anyone want to buy a couch/table/bed/dresser/another table/rug/rug again/arm chair? A, the tv’s got your name on it…let me know.

Oh. I was WILDLY incorrect re: my crush on Ryan Lochte. Retract!!! In spite of winning first place on Saturday, he is nevertheless a complete and total LOSER. I think it surprises no one that he lives in…wait for it…Gainesville, Florida. He would. And it gets worse! I just goog’ed Ryan Lochte grill and it turns out he has several and has been wearing them at medal ceremonies for years – it seems that custom-made bedazzled grills are his “thing”…I just threw up a little.

“Yes, I am wearing one in London, and I wear them because they are different and fun. That’s my personality,” Ryan told USA Today.

And on that note, I bid you farewell. Take solace in the fact that, no matter how mis your Monday is, at least you’re cooler than this guy. You might not be in as good shape as he is and you probably have fewer Olympic medals, but you’re definitely cooler.

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What the crap!

Posted by AllieB on August 9, 2011

WTC! In Paris they now have 24-hour vending machines that dispense piping hot, freshly baked baguettes. I want to go to there!! If only they’d gotten their act together a year ago. I’ve been reliving our trip to France all week by way of photographs – minus the dead lady on the plane ride over (total downer), it was a perfect vacation…hindsight 20/20, right? In true Fat American fashion, Al Roker remarked: “They need one of those over here that has donuts instead of baguettes…” Good call, Al – just what we need, another champion for America’s obesity…especially from someone who’s actually already had gastric bypass surgery. I’m really down on the Today show right now, yet haven’t been able to pull the trigger on GMA…six in one, half dozen in the other.

4-wheelers that went up to like 50 MPH – that’s fast, right? They went really fast. Ode to Georgia Bar. (My t-shirt is a GA Bar t-shirt.)

Ok. This is the type of information that I would maybe tell my friends after I’ve been doing it for awhile … truth bomb: sometimes I sit on relevant information before sharing it with my peers. Of course, everyone could have known about this all along, making me moron who thinks she’s got a piece of groundbreaking information. Anyway, without further ado: I’ve been reading this blog written by Victoria’s Secret model Chrissy Teigen. I know…she’s dating John Legend and is actually pretty hilarious…she’s kind of a nut -I think we’d get along nicely. I follow her on Twitter, too. Anyway, I she imparted some very valuable wisdom in her post, “Ugh, alcohol:”

*fact: most fashion industry people that are watching their weight (so everyone) drink vodka/club soda splash of lime. Even lighter. Get Goose. Potato vodkas are a no no. This is my drink of choice lately. Kind of tastes like ass, and trust me, I can’t wait for swimsuit modeling season to go away. I miss the cold Christmas shopping days where I fill a to-go cup with coffee halfway and pour Bailey’s in the rest. Then I hit the city, shop, and completely forget what I ended up buying anyone until I get the thank you cards. It’s fun.

Minus the part about swimsuit modeling season :|, I really appreciate this whole excerpt. And I’m glad to know I no longer have to buy all my Christmas gifts online – her plan sounds pretty awesome. Anyway, this part about Grey Goose only was very interesting to me – it’s made with wheat in France. You know how no one in France is fat??? Oh wow, this is really coming full circle…baguettes from Paris, vodka from France…I never tie things together so nicely. Horn: tooted! And now I really, really want to go back to France.

Sisters in Paris. Notably absent: hot, fresh baguettes from nearby vending machine

On notice: Betches Love This Site. It’s become an internet sensation and I hate it. I don’t even really want to link to it because they get plenty of fraffic as is, but…whatever, here it is. They started it in February and have 35,000+ followers on Twitter and apparently have a movie deal. WTF! They cuss too much – it’s very crass. However, they write anonymously which is I figure how they get away with some of the stuff they say…I mean, I guess they’re entertaining – I feel like they appeal to a slightly younger (read: college-age) demographic – one comprised of srat sistas who love to flip their hair and squeal. I cannot stand shrill, high-pitched people. I think the Betches and I can just agree to disagree…unless they’re looking for staff writers, in which case I may or may not be available.

WHAT THE CRAP HAPPENED TO SINEAD O’CONNOR.

Posted in Arbitrary, Imparting Wisdom, Really? | Tagged: , , , , , | 4 Comments »

Who all seen da Leprechaun say Yeah!

Posted by AllieB on March 17, 2011

Happy St. Patrick’s Day!

I’m a big fan of the Irish. They’re just so much fun and often very funny and I could seriously listen to them talk all day – I freakin love their accents. After the woman died on my plane on the floor next to me whilst en route to Paris last summer, we had to swing by the Shannon Airport to have her.. removed…and the Irish EMT’s were totally adorable and even managed to make light of a decidedly not breezy situation. To show my appreciation, I’ll be sure to celebrate St. Patty’s Day with extra enthusiasm this year.

Down in Savannah, where Hilary is what Godzilla was to Tokyo lives, St. Patrick’s Day is a legitimate holiday, and I’m very jealous of her day outdoors in a town with no open container laws - smart people, these Savannians. Maybe I’ll sneak a green beer into my office…could put it right in a Diet Coke can…

Happy Birthday to you, Flembot!! Love, The Creepy Old Man Dressed Like a Leprechaun

from: caplanmiller.com

Frau Farbissina: It’s a television commercial. With this cartoon leprechaun, and all of these children are trying to chase him, “Hey, leprechaun, leprechaun man, we want to get your lucky charms.” Oh! And there are these little tiny pieces of mashmallow just stuck right in the cereal. So when the kids eat them they think, “Oooh this is candy, I’m having fun!”

-a timely funny from Austin Powers

Señora Matheson, can we have class outside today?

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Case.In.Point.

Posted by AllieB on August 16, 2010

In my very first entry, Be Advised, I mentioned that I do not prefer flying and included a frightening video that indicated why this was so.

Since that post all of three weeks ago, the following absurdities have taken place in the so-called “friendly skies:”

1. On July 21, United Flight 967 from Washington D.C. to L.A. went thru aggressive turbulence and was forced to divert to Denver, where 22 people were treated for injuries. (Source)

2. Today, August 16, an Aires flight bound for Colombia, South America was struck by lightning. Only one person died, which, given this is how the plane looked after the emergency landing, is unbelievable. (Source)

do NOT want

3. And, lastly, on my plane ride to Paris a week ago, I saw a woman die. She was old and it was her time, but it was really unpleasant. She had a seizure six hours into the flight, and the flight attendants and various passengers worked hard to revive her, but I think she died kind of as soon as it happened – she was laid out in the aisle about six inches from my seat and I saw EVERYTHING. We had to divert to Ireland where her body was carried off the plane in a some sort of makeshift sling…I know this was worse for her and her loved ones than it was for me, but that still didn’t make it okay. She was so close to my seat that flight attendants keep pushing at me to move – well, it’s an airplane and my options were limited, so I sat in my sister’s lap for an hour (the guy next to her had taken a sleeping pill meant for cattle and slept thru the whole thing – lucky).

WTF. I’m just glad to have made it home in one piece. Next time I fly, I plan to do so under the influence of that sleeping pill meant for cattle.

Posted in Arbitrary, Really? | Tagged: , , | 7 Comments »

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