Baxter Bark Twice

Do as I say, never as I do

Fat (Phat?) Tuesday

Posted by AllieB on March 8, 2011

Just to be authentic, I goog’ed, “mardi gras catch phrase” and the first result, in all of Google, was “Throw me something, Mister!” That wasn’t…quite what I was looking for…

At any rate, today is Fat Tuesday, tomorrow is Ash Wednesday, thus today is the day when we celebrate the last of our guilty pleasures before giving them up for 40 days. Calm yourselves (froooooooost yourselves) – I have made a decision as to what I am giving up, but first….we talk about cheeseburgers.

Bocado…come on down!!! Pallison was in town, and a bunch of us went to dinner at Bocado. Bocado’s burger is just as awesome as I heard it was, and I’m having a hard time designating which I like better: theirs or HF’s. Foodies around town, though totally “over” this burger craze, seem to give the final edge to Bocado. For that reason, and because of my underdog syndrome, I’m inclined to choose HF:  they were first and you have to work a little to try it. You can’t just saunter in at lunch time on a Tuesday and get it, nor can you go for dinner at 8 on a Saturday and order one; you have to make effort to enjoy their double stack of goodness (after 10 M – Sat, brunch on Sundays), and – in accordance with my underdog complex – I always like a challenge. Plus, when I go with A&K (and I only go w A&K), I feel like a celebrity. Winner: Holeman & Finch.

from left: bite outta Bocado – Pal/Me/Pants – JTomm and her nighttime mimosa

For Lent this year, I am giving up Hoegaardens AND stuffed pasta. I know, the mind reels. I feel kind of silly – I realize that the average person reading this, who may not have intimate knowledge of my day to day habits, might scoff at my choices, saying how could anyone consume enough of those things to make giving them up an actual sacrifice. Hi, my name is Allie, and I have a serious problem when it comes pasta of the stuffed variety. And I’m tossing in Hoegaardens because they’re stupidly expensive and have like 1,999 calories. So, there you have it: no mas.

To continue my week of gluttony, tonight I will be enjoying the wonder that is Antica Pizza. I’m leaning towards the Pomodorini…with a side of Two Buck Chuck, obvs.

Birthday week: YKenna, AnsGhegan, BGeorge, ECowan…Mardi Gras tranny wishes you a great one!

source: yapclub.com

Posted in Arbitrary, Food & Drink | Tagged: , , , , | 10 Comments »

Advice from Bark Twice (Numero Dos)

Posted by AllieB on March 3, 2011

The first installment of my advice-giving piece went over well, so, for lack of better fun and interactive Thursday ideas, I’m going with it. I really want to do another survey, but I’m having a hard time coming up with new ideas. Should you have a suggestion, please share. Anyway, here we go: Round 2.

Dear BBT,

My friends have been pressuring me into getting a tattoo. Of our group of 6, everyone but me has a large Chinese symbol on either their back or lower abdomen. They keep calling me a pansy or a wuss for not getting one. I mean, I guess theirs are cool – the symbols mean important, relevant things like “peace” and “serenity” and, like, “wise” or something. I don’t want them to cut me out – I don’t want to end up like “Am I a Loser” from last week! Help!

-Peer Pressured (Bulls-Eye, USA)

Dear Tramp Stamp,

Congratulations, you are the winner of this week’s DUNCE award! You have to wear your dunce hat for a full seven days so everyone knows what an idiot you are for even considering succumbing to the peer pressure of your dumbass friends and marring your skin with an erroneously translated LARGE Chinese symbol. $1,000 that your friend’s “peace” tat means “man hands.”

*Disclaimer to my pals with body art: none of this applies to you.

Dear BBT,

I want to start a blog. Should I? I mean, is it hard? I just don’t know if I’d be any good at it…

-Indecisive (Blahville, USA)

Dear If You Have to Ask, the Answer Is No.

Note to self: get a second dunce hat.

Dear BBT,

I have a crush on this guy, but I don’t think he even knows I’m alive. Well, actually, he does because last week when I was trying to make my way over to talk to him, I tripped on my huge feet and poured my drink all over his clothes. It was so embarrassing for both of us because where I spilled made it look like he had wet himself – everyone was laughing at him more than me. Anyway, he has avoided me ever since and I don’t know how to make him not hate me! Please help.

-I can’t help it (Klutztown, America)

Dear Is Your Name Allie,

Wait, seriously, are you trying to make fun of me or something because this sort of thing happens to me all of the time. Well, I don’t really have the klutz problem, but I’ve been known to pull equally imbecilic moves like inadvertently making fun of a guy’s grandmother or something. It’s very hard to properly shoulder-dip and head-toss when your foot is in your mouth – I think my only hope is to one day just stop talking. As for you, maybe you can not walk and drink simultaneously…? Your Q has me stymied – it’s like the blind leading the blind. Good luck to the both of us.

If you would like your question pondered by BBT, please send an email to regina.phalange@imakealloftheseup.bbt.

Tis a glorious day in the ATL! There’s a new Pinkberry opening in Buckhead next to Borders and CVS across from Dick’s and Target and from 6 – 10 p.m. tonight they’re serving up free yogurt! And don’t forget about the free fries from Chick-fil-A tomorrow from 2 – 4 p.m. To round out my freebie trifecta, I just reserved a Turkey Cobb Sandwich from Corner Bakery and will be retrieving said sammy next Thursday after work.

Today, I leave you with these tweets from Steve Martin. I’m telling you, I love The Twitter.

Posted in Arbitrary, Imparting Wisdom | Tagged: , , , | 5 Comments »

This is not about Charlie Sheen

Posted by AllieB on March 2, 2011

The whole Charlie Sheen situation is really very sad, and I choose to take the high road re: judgement, but I will provide some insightful commentary. Something is clearly amiss here, yet he seems to have the notion that he is fine and capable of providing his children with the care they need. Delusional sociopath? Perhaps. Devoted father with a substance abuse problem? Equally plausible. I will give him props for introducing a whole new slew of slang to our daily jargon. Me, my favorites are “the scoreboard doesn’t lie” and “gnarly gnarlingtons.” We’re not intervening on him for his catchphrases, just the drugs, prostitutes, and all-round uncouth behavior. And I’m following him on Twitter – I’m really getting into this Twitter thing; it’s neat.

I am currently debating what I might give up for Lent – I’ve decided I’m going to get serious this year, so I’m really hashing it out. My take on Lent is it that it should be something that improves your being, be it done by adding a new behavior or taking a negative one away. Anyway, current front runners are:

  1. no mas four letter curse words
  2. no – none, nada, nein – stuffed pasta (you laugh…this might be the most difficult thing on here)
  3. cannot order Hoegaardens (this will result in both a caloric and fiscal benefit)

All of those things would make me a better, healthier person. Except for the first – I read somewhere that dropping an F-bomb when you’re mad/upset/in pain helps you cope with the situation better, but I’m too lazy to look it up. Oh add that on: #4 – be not lazy. Regardless, I just think it might be more ladylike of me to not say expletives, and anyone who knows me knows that I am on an eternal quest to be more ladylike. Wait, would acronyms count?? Hmm. I guess I can just yell OMLG whenever I feel like going primal.

I need a nap.

from: blackmarketborn.com

Hey, look Buff – kitten mittens.

Posted in Arbitrary | Tagged: , , , | 2 Comments »

What did I say.

Posted by AllieB on March 1, 2011

Stupid Lindsay Lohan. I was Team LiLo for so long – why, I don’t know, I have this unfailing need to believe in even the most under of underdogs. But even underdogs prevail at some point – Lindsay is just an idiot. Had she managed to not steal a necklace a month after she got out of rehab, perhaps she could’ve been on this season of Dancing with the Stars. Like a gazillion people watch that show, and I guess I haven’t really seen it jump start any careers, but it certainly hasn’t hurt any. Anyway, due to her inability to not take what isn’t hers, LiLo got passed over and now we (or those who watch it – seriously, I seriously don’t) are forced to handle KIRSTIE ALLEY tango-ing her way across the dance floor in not enough clothing, trampling her poor partner in the process. And Hines Ward is on it?! That seems odd. Although the football players do tend to fare fairly well. Other dancers include Lil Romeo, Kendra, and I don’t know I got bored reading the list.

Last night I cleaned my apartment from top to bottom/wall to wall/nook to cranny and it is positively gleaming. I washed my sheets, fluffed my feather bed, FLIPPED MY MATTRESS (yeah I did), dusted, mopped, vacuumed, Windexed, Febreezed…and, to reward myself, I had a grilled cheese sandwich for dinner. I slept so well that getting up this morning was borderline impossible, and I think I’m a little cranky as a result.

To wrap things up on a more positive note, the Fur Bus is fur-tastic, un-fur-gettable, fur-bulous…, and I’m going to go write a testimonial on their website right now. I don’t know why we don’t do this more often – it is really fun and also practical! For the 24-seater it was only $40/person for four hours, plus the driver was very accommodating and there are these railings on the ceiling so you can move around and stand up without falling all over the place. It just makes good sense. Plus, I got to wear some of my Jabroni gear – I mean, what’s not to like.

Posted in Celebs | Tagged: , , , , | 2 Comments »

Marti guards the house

Posted by AllieB on February 25, 2011

I had forgotten all about this, but someone just asked me for the link and I am SO HAPPY because it is amazing. This is my friend, Marti a.k.a. Tina a.k.a. Miranda, at a self-defense class back in 2k8. Watch her as she wails on this guy…he’s a crumpled ball on the floor by the time she’s done with him.

It’s better with sound but not mandatory.

 

Posted in Arbitrary | Tagged: , , , | 4 Comments »

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