Baxter Bark Twice

Do as I say, never as I do

Great for Halloween or Just Fashion

Posted by AllieB on October 29, 2014

Halloween, for me, is meh. With the exception of Wine Gal (she is my superhero alter-ego and she will CUT you with her corkscrew while sipping on a mini-bottle of Cab in order to save a glass a bottle a case of wine), I do not have the best track record of costuming, and 75% of the time I lose interest in assembling the ‘stume before it comes to fruition. When I was a sophomore in college I had a denim jumpsuit that was all the assemblage I needed for an entire year of socials and holidays – redneck social, Halloween, disco - but I stupidly threw it away. I’m still mad at myself: do they even sell J.Lo brand jumpsuits anymore? I only buy denim jumpsuits by J.Lo. I’ll check eBay. (Update: no luck on eBay.)

But what is meh for me is probably awesome for you, and I’m okay with that – we all have our strengths, and I genuinely respect and delight in other people’s talents. One of my favorite things is seeing what ole FJ comes up with for her Halloween look. I’ve shared this at least thrice on BBT and should probably make it the backdrop of my phone given how often I show it to people, but here she is as the Werewolf of London:

The Donk as Werewolf of London. I am terrified yet fascinated

Halloween 2012. Young children cried.

So, instead of stressing about thinking of and creating a costume, I instead found my inner Boppy & Basic BBT – it was a Tuesday, I don’t go to clubs on Tuesdays – and the result, I think we can all agree, was favorable: Melt in Your Mouth Pumpkin Cookies. I made these from scratch using only organic ingredients, sporting Uggs and an apron that said, “Kiss the Cook!” while listening to the new Taylor Swift album on my pink Jambox. I posted a selfie with a dot of flour on my cheek and captioned it, “missed a spot! #pumpkinspiceandeverythingnice #yummy #mycoworkersloveme” Then my roommates and I got in a flour fight and I posted another pic: “Flour Fight!!! #LOL #lovethesegirls #youwishyouhadthismuchfun”

melt in your mouth pumpkin cookies

Even though I accidentally halved the called-for amount of butter (the recipe said FOUR sticks of butter I am not Paula Deen) they are still awesome – perhaps more muffin-like than intended, but I think I’d rather have functioning arteries, ya know? And I obviously used only organic ingredients, but besides that #sensethetone

If you still need costume ideas, here: 32 ‘Sexy’ Halloween Costumes That Make No Sense (‘sexy’ corn and ‘sexy’ body bag are especially…’sexy’), or for those living in ATL - hit up this guy.

mens large 42 reg black trench coat great for halloween costume – $20

image 1

“long black coat great for Halloween or just fashion”

^^ I have been laughing at that ad since Monday (credit: A Social Mess)

 In other news…

-UPenn is offering a class for actual course credit entitled “Wasting Time on the Internet.” A few thoughts: 1. really. 2. do they need a guest speaker 3. as a parent I would be displeased 4. is there a Masters program? 5. I shoulda went to an Ivy League school

**note: I wrote that blurb on Tuesday, and The Skimm mentioned it Wednesday morning, so now I feel cheated. But I’m keeping it in anyway bc who’s to say their description is any better than mine?:

Speaking of things that can make your head spin, the University of Pennsylvania has created a new course called “Wasting Time on the Internet,” where students will be required to do just that.

See? It’s just different. But if y’all are hiring…holla

-Dang, this city…. credit: K

NYC from above

–THEY FOUND AMELIA EARHART?! <crosses off #6 on List of Things To Do>

-the Fireball/Anti-Freeze scare is just in Europe, chill. We’ll still be having our Fireball Christmas Party in December.

–best dog in the world??  Probably: Bandit takes under 30 seconds to fetch his human a beer – and he even makes the fridge door is properly shut. If I had a dog I’d get to work on this trick immediately.

-CharBaxMaines is running her TWENTIETH marathon this weekend – she’s coming in town for the NYC race and I will doggedly go to two of the five boroughs to cheer her on. Cheering people on as they run 26.2 miles is really quite tiring. #sisteroftheyear

Happy Hump Day & Halloween! Love, Wine Gal

 Not the best pic: you can barely see WG’s fanny pack – tho that is a nice shot of the cape, but in all the other photos, well…her strength (wine) had become her weakness (too much wine).

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Your coworkers hate you.

Posted by AllieB on October 24, 2014

At approximately 4PM on Tuesday afternoon I was at my desk, working or whatever, when I heard what sounded like someone clipping their nails. Surely not – this is an office with an open-plan layout and there’s no such thing as personal space; anyone within a 20 foot radius is privy to everything you say or do. The sound continued; I had to investigate. I stood up and honed in on a man sitting the next row over. He was CLIPPING HIS NAILS. He was at his desk clipping his nails and then nonchalantly brushing the remnants into his trashcan. I was/am/will forever be appalled.

Amid my disgust, I realized there was probably a good BBT in here, so I emailed a group of people inquiring as to their workplace pet peeves, and some of you might need to look for new jobs. I am saddened by how uncommon common sense is.

Herewith, 19 things you can do to make your coworkers hate you.

1. Mayonnaise-based salads have a shelf-life one day. As in, do not bring a tub of tuna salad on a Monday and plan to eat out of it thru Friday. You are the worst and everyone hates you.

And if you didn’t put it in the fridge, it’s not yours.

ross's sandwich

2. When people shoot nerf guns around me while I’m trying to be productive. This is not to be confused with when people shoot nerf guns when I’d like to be distracted.

3. I want to reiterate this one more time: no nail clipping at your desk or anywhere that’s not your own bathroom in your own home.

nail clipping

It IS crazy.

4. People who are RUDE. It won’t kill you to say THANK YOU.

5. The guy that speaks loudly and mispronounces everything by putting the emphasis on the wrong syllable.

Previously, it has been the guy that said “deuces” to me every day when I left. Or when you someone goes on vacation for two weeks and when you ask how it was responds by saying “it’s not a vacation when you have kids”. And you’ve been covering their work. (“Deuces” –> nerd chills)

6. People talking loudly on the phone. (Preach! I think people who have zero regard for other people/their surroundings are sociopaths.)

7. I can’t stand it when I have literally just walked in for the day or from grabbing lunch and someone races or hovers over my desk to ask me a question. Especially if I am mid-bite, and they want to ask me 10 questions. Like give me 1 minute to get lettuce out of my teeth, and then I can help you.

8. When you sign an email with your name “Gregg” and someone will respond back “Hey Jack”…..grinds my gears man (By Jack he means Jack Donnelly, name of the best khaki brand in the biz. Check out story and link at the end of the post)

9. Captain Unfriendlies. Those who do not make eye contact, speak or acknowledge that another human is also present when you’re in an enclosed common area.

10. Captain Toofriendlies. Those who loiter in your area when you are clearly done with the conversation at hand. Bye Felecia.

case of the mondays

11. When people eat delicious food – chicken fingers, pizza, french fries, etc – sending yummy smells wafting through the air when it’s not even a Friday. (Totes agree – get your fried mess away from me may I please have a french fry)

12. The guy who is flicking boogers on the wall over the urinal.  This isn’t Kindergarten, and there will be some kind of hell to pay if I ever catch the culprit. (That is gross. Boys are GROSS)

Also, people who schedule calls/meetings past 5pm on a Friday. Hell, past noon. (Or really just on Friday, period.)

13. People who are idiots

people are idiots

14. When you ask someone to send something ASAP and they say “I’m right on top of that, Rose!” and it takes 17 more tries before they actually get it to you. WERE YOU NOT A PART OF THE CONVERSATION WHEN YOU SAID YOU WOULD SEND IT? Because you were, and you lied, and now I hate you.

15. The girl in the office next door to me plays Second Life (online virtual world) pretty much all day at work.  She wears a headset and speaks aloud to other avatars.  I think she may “own” a boot store because she’s always talking about how she doesn’t like this set of boots or that set of boots.  I also think her avatar must have a really dominant personality because she says “f you motherf’er” 2-4 times/hour. (Um. What.)

16. I 100% clip my nails at work and don’t give a $*&%.  I hate the assistant that leaves at 4:59:59 every day regardless of how much she knows everyone has going on. (Aren’t you a delight.)

17. People talking over or down to you.  Work hard and be nice to each other.  Rude is never an excuse. (Words to live by!)

18. Co-workers sharing too much personal information.We work together I don’t need to know your birthing plan. (EW.)

Also, millennials (even though we technically are in that group). Spotlight on a convo I had with Frank our new Government Affairs Coordinator.

F: When were you born?

J: 1984

F: Ew.

J: When were you born?

F:1992

J. Oh.

(Tell Frank he used EW wrong.)

19. Women in sales that dress like sl*ts. Yes. I am being hypocritical. I should be supporting other women in my field. But they are all fake and obnoxious. (I’m with you on this – it’s obvious what you’re doing and you make the rest of us look bad.)

This is where you should pause and ask yourself, do I do any of these things? Check yourself before you wreck yourself, y’all.

As previously mentioned, I want to do a quick plug for Jack Donnelly khakis. Gregg, the owner, launched a Kickstarter campaign and is killing it – he’s at over 300% of his goal, and there are still three days to go. Read this note and check out the video, and join the movement! Be a part of something bigger than yourself.

An open letter to our loyal customers and supporters:

In June 2010, I launched Jack Donnelly from my parents’ basement. Disappointed with the way khakis were being made (mass produced and ill-fitting), I set out to create a better khaki – one that fit great, was highly constructed, and made to last.  It was important to me to do it the best way an American based company can – sourcing and manufacturing in the USA.

It’s been an awesome journey thus far, and all your feedback has been amazing. We’ve spent the last four years carefully building out and improving our product line.  We made sure to take it slowly because we wanted to build a business that lasts, to always deliver a top quality product, and to cultivate a brand that you can trust.

Today we set out on our newest and biggest journey, a Kickstarter campaign to help fund new product development and expanded operations with a mission to take our brand to the next level.  The more people who visit our Kickstarter page, the more successful we can be, and the more great pants we can make.

I ask you to please watch and share our Kickstarter video with your friends, family, and colleagues.  If you feel that we deserve your financial support to help fund our future growth, please contribute (and get some great pants).  I sincerely appreciate your support and business.  It means more than you know.  With your help we can make this into something special…the great khaki comeback starts here!

If there is anything I can do for you, please don’t hesitate to let me know.

Sincerely,

Gregg Donnelly

Founder

I know this is information overload, especially on a Friday (see #12), but really – what else are you going to do today? TGIF!

Living footloose & ebola-free in NYC,

BBT

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10 Things About Fall & Other Stuff

Posted by AllieB on October 9, 2014

It’s fall, y’all! Fall, according to the Goog, is the most popular of all the seasons, so here are 10 things about fall and other stuff, then I added two more items at the end so I guess 12 things total. I try to mix it up; BBT is NOT some basic fall-loving betch who only talks about new sweaters and pumpkin spice lattes.

1. This is me not talking about pumpkin spice lattes – never had one; I don’t care; you do you but maybe consider the sugar content

2. TV is not only back, but there are a lot of new shows to check out: How to Get Away with Murder premiered two weeks ago, and, besides its annoying name (HTGAWM henceforth), BBT highly recommends. Marry Me has such potential (Penny from Happy Endings! Ron from Party Down!) and, I’m embarrassed to say this, Selfie might not suck… Homeland wrapped up some very tired story lines (smell ya later Brody) and the season premiere shows much promise for good TV – just so long as Carrie never touches her child, or anyone else’s, ever again. Lastly, I watched the first episode of The Affair last night – I am IN. It caught my eye earlier this year when I heard about the cast (Pacey Witter! Maura Tierney! Jimmy McNulty from the Wire!) and, based on the first epi, it is everything I hoped it would be.

3. I got stung – stung bad – by a bee in Idaho last weekend. I hope it died.

sun valley

Idaho – who knew? (I know other people knew, but I didn’t) CONGRATS Nandi & Duncan!

4. 31 Dog Reactions for Everyday Situations – this is perfect, please click thru (#’s 1, 2, 9, 12, 14, 16 – 25, 31)

5. I’m not implying that all kids raised in NYC are brats, but I have observed a heightened level of the ridiculous when it comes to parenting up here. Case in point: I was recently at my local Whole Foods doing my daily shopping of only things I needed right that moment (nothing if not practical!), and I noticed a father and his two children, a boy and a girl both under age of 4, in the midst of truly epic meltdown. The girl, the younger of the two, had collapsed on the ground and was crying that especially aggressive silent cry where her mouth was open and her body was heaving but no sound was coming out. Not to be overlooked, the boy had wrapped himself around his father’s leg while he cried a more subdued whimper but with double the snot and tears. Dad, to his credit, wasn’t freaking out but I think this is likely because he’d checked out entirely to his mental happy place. “Woof” I thought, as I skirted by them to get in line, “I wonder how much longer he’s going to let this go on..” I also may have thought things like, “get your sh*t together little girl” and “can someone please wipe this kid’s nose”

Finally, something yanked Dad back to reality – maybe it was that his daughter hadn’t taken a proper breath in like a minute – and suddenly he was totally, 100% over it. His eyes darkened as he inhaled deeply….”PENELOPE! ALVIN! THAT. IS. IT! When we get home….NO soy dream for you.”

Aaaaand you lost me. Hey, buddy, FYI: the moment you named your kids Pompous and Arrogant you gave them license to behave like jerks. I want to give him the benefit of the doubt that one or both had some sort of dairy allergy, explaining why soy dream was the most glorious treat in which they’re allowed to indulge thus the absolute worst thing he could take away…but with names like that, it’s hard. My advice? Sign the girl up for soccer, the boy up for football, and cancel all lessons involving wind and string instruments. There’s still hope.

*Note: when I have kids one day and name them Philomena and Astrid and they go mental at the grocery store you can remind me of this post.

**Y’all know I’d never name my kids that.

***Confession: I played the Alto Sax in third grade. It was a risky move but I pulled it off. Penelope – not so much.

****I don’t know anyone named Penelope or Alvin, do I?

6. Jimmy Fallon + EW! = watch this.

7. My Father, The Hero (?)

Just kidding. Dude, that's too much...and when this pot calls you black, you better recognize

Dude, that’s too much…and when this pot calls you black, you better recognize

8. All the hilar Insta accounts you need to follow, give or take a couple – there’s really something for everyone. You should check out that blog regardless, @AshHess is doing good stuff over there. Thank you, Witty & Pretty!

9. Brush up on history with a healthy side of scandal and intrigue with After Camelot, a sweeping biography of the whole Kennedy family – there are lot of them, so it’s long, but you can breeze right through it.

10. This week in That Is Brand New Information: Todd Gurley is a Badass

Georgia running back Todd Gurley completes 50-yard pass (GIF)

I could watch these all day.

Here's the GIF of Georgia's Todd Gurley running like Marshawn Lynch against Clemson. -- (Via @SBNation)

***UPDATE 10/10: I posted this yesterday before the TRAGIC news that TGII had been suspended. Why God. Why. I am 100% #teamtodd and still think he’s one of the good ones – he’ll get thru this and go on to have an amazing career and keep a clean record all the while, of that I am sure, and in the meantime us Georgia fans will have to hunker down and deal with the hard knocks that we should by now be used to/expect. TEAM TODD!!!

Bonus #11: I needed a crisp white button down to go with my outfit yesterday, but I couldn’t find the iron because we don’t own one, so I used my straightener instead – it totally worked! A tip from me to you: best to remove the shirt then iron as opposed to keeping on shirt whilst wielding a piping hot wand of heat near your skin.

Super Bonus #12: I think we already knew as much, but I asked Siri the other night who’s the fairest of them all, and…well:

fairest one of all

And there you are – a BBT for your Thursday. Boom.

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Back to School

Posted by AllieB on September 4, 2014

It happened; it’s over. Summer’s done, and Fall is here. Fall means football – yay! #Gurley4Heisman; Fashion Week – booooo #neveragain; and, at least in NYC, the hottest weather we’ve had all year. Mother Nature, you’re doing it wrong. I was thinking the other day how much I used to love going back to school: finding out your teachers, what boys were in your classes, shopping for school supplies…I wish there was a working world equivalent; I bought a new Moleskine diary yesterday in an effort to reclaim some of the thrill, but Five Star 5-section spiral notebook it is not. Adulthood is the worst.

However, BBT was total weak sauce over the summer, so I can pretend like now I’m back in “school” and my “homework” is to post consistently. Preemptive disclaimer: I was not a straight-A student.

And now watch me exhaust this already tired metaphor:

Home Ec: I had a hunch that Chef Allie existed, and the proof is in the pudding: I’m legit. I finally learned how to chop opinions without going blind (pro tip (or tip I would’ve learned in Home Ec if it had been an option – silly feminists): put them in the fridge til cold, THEN cut – the cold counteracts the tear-causing enzyme or something I don’t know but it works) and now I can properly adhere to recipes because onions, it turns out, are in everything and skipping them can definitely affect the integrity of your final product. And god forbid you affect the integrity of your final product.

In the past week I’ve made Spicy Black Bean Stuffed Peppers (thanks, Pinterest) and Cilantro-Lime Grilled Chicken with Strawberry-Jalapeno Salsa (DomesticateMe is one of my favorites – even before I started cooking her recipes). See links + pics below…you almost can’t tell which is professional and which is mine, except for you totally can – sorry I don’t shoot my meals with a CanonMegaHugeProfesh Camera:

Spicy Black Bean Stuffed Peppers

spicy black bean stuffed peppers

I took the liberty of replacing corn with some avocado and adding more cheese (duh)

Cilantro-Lime Grilled Chicken with Strawberry-Jalapeno Salsa

cilantro-lime chicken with strawberry-jalapeno salsa

I grilled the chicken in my iron grill pan, and thanks to the marinade it was juicy and moist and all of those words that are good re: grilled meats but horrible in every other sense.

English: I am writing every day. I bought a paperback copy of On Writing: A Memoir of the Craft by Stephen King which has anecdotes and exercises and all sorts of things that will poof! make me a published author.

Free Period: I finally installed our Amazon Fire TV this week (credit: CharBaxMaines). The talking remote works incredibly well and now we are ready for the Polar Vortex which will be here from September – April. Joy.

hilary as abominable snowman

PSA: this is Hilary on a good day the abominable snowman, mascot of the Polar Vortex. Beware of the Beast.

I know things are going south when I start throwing the abominable snowman Hilary under the bus – we’re done! And I promise not to post anymore pictures of food I’ve cooked for a full month. But if you want to like message me about what’s coming up next in BBT’s Kitchen, by all means – feel free.

TGIT!

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What Not To Do (Part Deux)

Posted by AllieB on August 27, 2014

From the beginning, BBT has been a platform for sharing my own experiences so you can see what not to do. I spell it out very clearly in the site tagline: do as I say, never as I do and then reiterate it over and over again, from questionable grocery store practices (wrote this in August 2010…so interesting to see how habits don’t change) to sitting on a stranger’s lap in the subway. Another truth about BBT: I like to travel. Today these facts go hand in hand: I will relay some things I’ve learned from my adventures, and I expect all of you, in turn, will learn to take a hard pass should I ask you to go on a trip.

Packing: those Girl Scouts are on to something

Always be prepared! Check the weather and bring the right shoes. Captain Obvious gets very frustrated when people do not do these things. Also, know yourself. For instance: packing eight hardcover books for a trip to France might sound dumb, but I know that when I don’t have an activity I can be a less than ideal companion, so I did what I had to do. Was carrying around 12 lbs of books fun? No. Did the blissful sound of my silence enhance the quality of everyone else’s trip? Yes. Whatever it is - maybe you like a specific food item for breakfast, or you literally die without your straightener – for the L of G just pack it.

Airplanes: ugh

WHERE DO I BEGIN.

When I was 23 I lived in Thailand for a few months, “volunteering” in Bangkok and traveling around on the weekends. I went by myself, and when I look back I can’t quite recall the whole decision-making process that led me to Southeast Asia for 3 months solo, but it was awesome – save for getting there…

I found myself in row 77 (this is not in the front of the plane), seat E (middle seat in the middle section of 5 chairs), for the 18 hour flight to Seoul, Korea. If you are ever assigned seat 77E GET OFF THE PLANE. I was between two males that’s what she said: the gentleman to my left took a handful of horse tranquilizers before takeoff and slept on my shoulder for 12 hours, and the young man on my right lip-read his pocket Bible with such ferocity and intensity he ripped out pages. Another fun fact about row 77: it was up against a wall, which, on this particular aircraft, meant our seats could not recline.

I was in a middle seat in the full upright and locked position for 18 HOURS while one guy drooled on me and the other underwent what may have been an exorcism…it’s weird, I know it happened and that I was there, but I have definitely blocked out the firsthand feelings and sensations of the entire flight. I assume this is how memories of childbirth are also handled.

tuk tuk in BKK - um ok - sunset at Railay Beach - vino on Phi Phi Island (not pictured: my new friend whose name I can't remember so I cut her out)

from top left: tuk tuk in BKK – um ok? – sunset at Railay Beach – vino on Phi Phi Island (not pictured: my new friend whose name I can’t remember so I cut her out)

In 2010 a woman died on my airplane in the aisle next to me. You know this story. It sucked.

My luggage and I took different flights to Africa last summer. It took 7 days to find me. I had to borrow my mother’s underroos.

I could go on, but I won’t.

Wallets: necessary

I left mine on the airplane (stupid airplanes!) in June when I flew to ATL – it was a full 12 hours before I realized it, and by that time we were already en route to the beach…and it was my 31st birthday. Nothing says “I have my sh*t together” like leaving a wallet on the airplane because you got it out to buy wine and couldn’t be bothered to put it back in your bag correctly. Who doesn’t love a birthday brat with no financial resources?? Happy Birthday :|

And I swear I didn’t do it on purpose…

In summary: bring a rain coat; don’t fly on the same plane as me; download Venmo so idiots who “lost their wallet” can ante up right away. You’re welcome.

Moving along…there’s a lot going on the world today that’s messed up and scary, but I fear some things are going unnoticed because of, you know, ISIS. Not to trivialize ISIS, for they are terrifying, but I am nevertheless very concerned about the following:

1. AlliCleveWolf brought this to my attention.

scary creeper

No. A million times – no. And several more “no’s” for the description. Plus one more NO for good measure. I’m not linking to it, so if you’re a sicko like the guy who wrote about the “lifelike, sparkling eyes” and want to purchase Scary Peeper – you’re on your own with the Goog. And you’ll probably end up on your own in general if you put this in your house.

2. You can buy a “knee-defender” which prevents the person in front of you on an airplane from putting their seat back. I learned about this in the Skimm. (Speaking of – do you get the Skimm? You should: it is a daily email that provides a succinct, readable round-up of current events. Go here to sign up.) They had to land the plane (airplanes are the root of all evil!) because two people got in a huge fight when a woman discovered the man behind her had deployed his knee-defender and she couldn’t recline her chair. Listen, I would go batsh*t bonkers if someone put a knee-defender on my seat. After that 18 hour flight stuck in the upright position…….no. The knee-defender should be illegal – I won’t be linking to that product, either.

3. Last and most upsetting of all: I really like Taylor Swift’s new song and video. I fear the end is nigh.

—

Alright – peace; have a wonderful long weekend (today is my Thursday suckas); GOOOOOOOOOOOO DAWGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! <– you better watch this.

@Hilary @SisEWard @Norah

@Hilary @SisEWard @Norah

 

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