Baxter Bark Twice

Do as I say, never as I do

Archive for the ‘Really?’ Category

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Make Someone Uncomfortable Day

Posted by AllieB on November 18, 2010

Fortunately, this is real. Tomorrow, November 19, is the 3rd Annual Make Someone Uncomfortable Day. I’m writing about it today so we all have time to prepare for what awkwardness we might inflict upon our nearest and dearest. There are many people I know whose sheer existence on the planet makes me uncomfortable, so they’re all set – for those of us with slightly more adroit social skillz, here are some ideas from the Facebook page devoted to this noteworthy occasion…(source: sf.funcheap.com, credit: Leila)

It seems that people are posting how they plan to celebrate MSUD on this FB page. The first one I saw distresses me greatly.

I’m going to breastfeed in public:-)

Unless it is Apocalypse Day, that is unacceptable.  Pardon my tirade, but BREAST FEEDING IN PUBLIC IS NOT, NOR WILL IT EVER BE, OKAY. I do not understand why people do not understand this. Sorry – next:

this is funny because tomorrow is also diversity day at our school

Ok, that made me feel uncomfortable….

when you go grocery shopping, instead of shopping from the shelves, start shopping from other peoples shopping carts while they are looking on the shelves. make sure you are in a busy aisle with people looking…

That’s actually kind of funny, and it also goes along nicely with my Grocery Store Shame.

If I had an extra $5k to drop, I would buy this large structured fur headdress because it obviously makes people uncomfortable – both wearer and viewer, apparently. I seriously have not stopped laughing since Bailey sent it to me earlier. What the WHAT is that thing!?

from: SSENSE.COM

ATTN: Mary Cath – given your low threshold for awkwardness, perhaps you should consider staying home. Pal – you could probably be the face of Make Someone Uncomfortable Day – I’ll see if I can nominate you or something. Buff – if you’re looking for an idea as to how you might make people feel awkward, consider doing a split in public; it worked like a charm last Saturday. Leila – it is fitting on many, many levels that you are the one who informed us of MSUD. Thank you for being you.

BOLO for bumbling, bungling encounters…!

Posted in Arbitrary, Really? | Tagged: , , , , , | 6 Comments »

On Notice: J Simps

Posted by AllieB on November 15, 2010

Seriously, Jessica? Your behavior in recent weeks has me yearning for the days when your indiscretions were confined to wardrobe blunders and unfortunate sound bites.

So, again I ask: seriously, Jessica? Your engagement to NFL free agent Eric Johnson is equal parts pathetic and stupid. Your ex-husband Nick and his longtime girlfriend, Vanessa, got engaged but two weeks ago, you had an unfortunate run-in at an LA eatery wherein you got drunk and said insulting things about them (a.k.a. the most innocuous couple of all time), and now you’ve gone and gotten engaged to a man whom you’ve not only been dating for only five months or so, but whose divorce from his own wife was finalized only last  September – as in, two months ago. To me, the cons outnumber the pros by about a gazillion to one. The close proximity in which  you secured your own engagement to that of your ex is truly laughable, and it’s quite clear that you threatened the poor guy – or maybe your Dad did – a gun to the head, perhaps?

Never one to humiliate yourself on a single level when there are other arenas in which to fail, your Christmas single, “My Only Wish” off your new holiday  album is a very sad, very obvious rip-off of Mariah Carey’s classic, “All I Want for Christmas (Is You).” Why, why would you choose that song – of all the Christmas songs – to copycat. Your half-ass version is not good, and no one is going to listen to it when they can just listen to Mariah’s instead. Please see a comparison of the lyrics below – it’s  hard to even read, must less listen to.

Between these two latest gaffes plus the others I wrote about a few months ago…I just – I don’t know what to say, moving forward. Given how things have been going for you recently, I’d take extra precautions when performing in the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade – there are 13 – 14 deaths/year  by way of parade float, so…just sayin’ – ya better watch out…

That was morbid, lo siento. I’m just fed up with your nonsense – pump the brakes, reel it in, and stop being so stupid. Then we’ll talk.

P.S. Congrats on the engagement…kudos for choosing such a fugly unique ring.

Posted in Celebs, Really? | Tagged: , , , , , , | 4 Comments »

Is this necessary.

Posted by AllieB on November 9, 2010

Snuggies – I get. I like to be warm, I like to have my hands available for flipping magazine pages/remote control access, and the Snuggie allows all these things. Plus, it’s not that complicated – it’s a blanket with sleeves. Done.

This newfangled twist on the much-heralded Snuggie seems…well, actually, I get rosacea just looking at it. Being trapped in an actual fleece onesie without any kind of breezy access makes me very uncomfortable. Meet & Greet: the OnePiece. (What a novel name. Minus 2.)

I guess one thing of note is that it’s from Norway, and Norway is very chilly. Perhaps if I lived in Norway I would be more inclined to swaddle myself in a fleece unitard…that woman looks very happy in her OnePiece.

Another trend with which I am having issues is this whole young-star-whose-career-isn’t-super-hot-writing-a-novel thing. I’m talking to you, Hilary Duff. Her novel, Elixir, is about a girl “raised in the spotlight” as the daughter of a renowned surgeon and prominent D.C. politician who grows up to be photojournalist, traveling to the most “exotic parts of the world” to enhance her craft. I mean, at least stick to topics you actually know something about – which I do not think includes photojournalism. Also, I am not such a fan of Hilary Duff in general, besides her one hit, Come Clean, which has seen me through the highs and lows of my life since 2004.

Lastly, to answer my own question: this is absolutely, most definitely, not on any level, necessary (from TV Gawker).

Pregnant Woman Bikini Contest? Pregnant Woman Bikini Contest.

Ok, whoa: I was doing my customary search on “this day in history,” and have learned via Wikipedia that it is both Nick Lachey’s and Vanessa Minillo’s birthday today?! My mind is reeling. Although perhaps more notably, it is also Sisqo’s birthday. Thong Song > everything Nick and Vanessa have ever done, combined.

Posted in Arbitrary, Really? | Tagged: , | 3 Comments »

Shameful Post

Posted by AllieB on November 2, 2010

In the past, when I’ve surveyed others as to what sort of material they might want to read about on my little blog here, people always say I should write about shameful Facebook posts, of which there are a plethora. I’m not going to go on a tirade of things I hate on Facebook, but I do like to make fun of people who do stupid things on Facebook.

The sad thing is – sometimes people are innocent victims of their insolent friends. See below. The origin of this escapes me – I think Pal shared it last summer…? I don’t really know, but I’ve protected names and faces. (Although I will assert that I did not know, nor did I have a single friend in common with, any of the people involved.)

Commentator #1 needs a refresher in Social Niceties: What Not to Say to a Recently Separated Person, Particularly on a Viral Platform Such as Facebook. Commentator #3 did the right thing in calling him out. However, and maybe this is just my preference to avoid potentially awk situations, I would have inquired of a close, trustworthy mutual friend as to what happened, and then sent an email – NOT an FB message – offering my condolences or whatever was appropriate in this scenario.

Either way, Commentator #1: you’re fired.

I know I have more shameful material than this archived in my color-coded labels. BOLO for Shameful Post, Vol II.

Posted in Arbitrary, Really? | Tagged: , , , | 4 Comments »

Dunce

Posted by AllieB on October 28, 2010

I really don’t mind going places by myself – sometimes I actually prefer it – and usually I am quite adept at getting myself to the correct location at the designated time. Last night…not so much.

My plan was to attend this Young Professionals Mixer from 630 – 730 then head over to Supper Club. I arrived at Sweetwater at 6:35, and when I didn’t recognize any cars I didn’t think anything of it. Upon entering the venue, however, I began to notice that things seem to be amiss: noted lack of any political signage, and a highly atypical crowd (so heady) compared to the usual types that show up at anything “Young” and “Professional” – put it this way, there was absolutely no reason for me to think that I was at the right place. Nevertheless, I forged ahead and paid for a glass, ordered a Sch’wheat beer (which I’ve been meaning to try – very good, very unfortunate name), and posted up at the bar.

It was whilst BBM’ing with Harriette Lynn, who assured me they were nearby, then almost there, then officially there, that I realized my egregious error: wrong place. This was confirmed when I asked an employee where the Young Professionals Mixer was, and she looked at me like I had three heads.

Turns out I was enjoying a nice little Tasting Room event – me and 150 other people I’ve never seen before in my life. BTdubbs, this Limited Edition Dank Tank varietal is pretty good.

Wrong place, right time? Fail. Anyway, I left and drove alllll the way over to 5 Seasons Brewery on the Westside – which was actually much more convenient to Supper Club in Collier Hills – and enjoyed the company of good friends and lots of laughter directed towards moi (and a little directed towards Julia). “Sweetwater” and “5 Seasons” aren’t all that similar, not even a little bit.

I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again – it always makes me think of you, Hilary…

“Turns out not where, but who you’re with that really matters…”

and the Dunce Hat goes to....meeeee!

Posted in Arbitrary, Really? | Tagged: , , | 4 Comments »

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