Baxter Bark Twice

Do as I say, never as I do

Archive for the ‘Really?’ Category

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I’d rather smoke crack than eat cheese from a can

Posted by AllieB on July 12, 2011

Actually, I’m not entirely sure I would – crack is very addicting, you know, one hit and you could be a goner…but that’s what Gwyneth said at some function last week. I think Gwynnie is trying a little to hard to be kewl – another snippet from the same event:

“I drink constantly while I’m cooking,” she says. “Wine, either colour.”

Now that is radical.

So, the whole Casey Anthony thing is over and done with (until her tell-all novel/reality show/perfume comes out – eau de Car Trunk…? (that may have been inapprop)), but Nancy Grace’s insanity will forever live on. This video is actually very hysterical because Nancy Grace is such a ridiculous human. Obviously, you need sound, but it’s worth watching.

BBT enjoys the finer things in life, but, unfortunately, Bacchanalia is rarely one of them. Have you ever been? I went once…I’d like to go back, so I entered this contest to win a $250 dinner for two! That would put a decent dent in the bill, I think, so long as I didn’t take Hilary with me. You can enter, too!!! But if you win, you have to take me. Unless you win, Hilary, in which case you will need to tell them that what most consider dinner for two is actually a dinner for uno in your book.Please say a little prayer for Missy Baxter today…she’s having surgery for these lump things that are actually pretty icky and I’m glad she’s getting them removed…anyway, she’s going to have to have a doggy cone and she’s going to hate it. Missy doesn’t like conical accessories.

Happy Tuesday. Have you VOTED FOR BBT YET?!? If you haven’t…well….

 

Posted in Celebs, Really? | Tagged: , , , , , | 6 Comments »

I’m so happy

Posted by AllieB on July 8, 2011

J Simps has come out with a new fragrance. It’s called: I Fancy You.

I am not kidding, that’s what it is called. I imagine hundreds of conversations, worldwide, following a similar script:

That’s an interesting perfume…. What’s the name of it? (So I know what NOT to buy)

“I Fancy You.”

Er, well, that’s nice – but I really just wanted to know what the name is of the perfume you’re wearing.

“I Fancy You.”

FINE nevermind.

It’s just awkward.

Here a few distractions to mediate the agony of a Friday afternoon in the workplace:

I’ll be back on Monday, so you can kiss the half-ass posts siyonara…

 

Posted in Celebs, Really? | Tagged: , , , | 3 Comments »

He’s like a conversational wizard

Posted by AllieB on June 14, 2011

I have no intention of commenting on this subject habitually, so just this one thing and then I’m done. I promise. And I know that promise is legit because my ADHD does not allow for two hours of television viewing (unless it’s a Sunday), and, let’s face it: these people have absolutely nothing in common with William and Kate.

The Bachelorette. What the crap, it’s even worse than usual. Ashley and her suitors have already taken their product international, and the scenery is about the only thing worth watching. Instead of excruciating dialogue and nonstop lameness, I expect they would do a lot better with ratings/feedback if they just did a montage of the Thailand landscape with a final snapshot at the end that shows who got a rose. Bentley, one contestant who proved he hates women and is totally batsh*t bonkers, was pretty interesting last week – sadly, it did make for good TV, but he belongs on Dr. Phil or Dr. Drew – NOT the Bachelorette. Soundbites from the episode:

“I mean that just sounds terrible,” Bentley told the camera. “I would literally rather be swimming in pee than planning a wedding with her, because I’m not thinking, ‘Oh my gosh this is the girl of my dreams.’ I’m thinking she’s not my type.”

“Wow, that was kind of boring,” he said after their kiss. “It started out good, but it sucked toward the end. I’d be lying to everyone if I was like ‘I’m in this to the end. I’m gonna ride this out for two months.’ There is no way I’m gonna last that long.”

Was that really necessary. Considerate and classy – I think we’ve found the next Bachelor?? What a dreamboat. In the scenes for next week (I didn’t watch the whole episode, I just had it on in the background and I found myself paying attention sometimes, is all) it seems that Bentley travels to Thailand and wants to talk to Ashley. Ashley, for the record, earns zero sympathy points because she’s so annoying and….OK I have to stop, this is becoming word vomit. No mas.

In addition to my little sista’s bday it is also: Flag Day – I do love the stars & bars – and Yasmine Bleeth’s birthday. Whatever happened to Yasmine?

Aaaand here’s Tex’s Tacos schedule for the week. OH YEAH! Thanks to their awesome food, friendly service, and internet-savvy fans, Tex’s WON Best Food Truck in ATL! Y’all are the heat – check them out over on Howell Mill tonight.

LIKE BBT ON FACEBOOK! May I direct you to the upper right-hand corner of your page, where you will see brand new Facebook/Twitter badges…prettaaaay nice, no? After I get paid this week, I will figure out some sort of prize for a fan…

BOLO for mas info.

Posted in Arbitrary, Really? | Tagged: , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments »

On notice: Nancy Grace. Not on notice: PUPPIES!

Posted by AllieB on June 7, 2011

It’s cool to be in the know about current events, and as a purveyor of coolness I bring you a very special BBT: guest author and the newly named Crime Correspondent, Leila Ann. Nancy Grace, you better watch it because Leila Ann is coming for you/your job/your coiffure.

I watch the Today Show religiously and am really good at reading article headlines, so I have a general idea about a lot of things, but Leila…she takes it like 988 steps further, especially re: heinous acts of crime and those who commit them. This Casey Anthony trial is completely out of control, IMO. Leila Ann, evidently, thinks so as well. Even if you don’t know anything about the case in question, you should read this because it is hilar (NOT the subject matter – the verbiage):

On day 1 Casey’s defense lawyer,  Jose Baez attempted (to NO avail, IMO) to claim that Casey did NOT kill Caylee but that Caylee drowned in the family pool and that George Anthony (Caylee’s grandfather) helped dispose of the body.  The defense also claims that George molested Casey as a child leaving her emotionally scarred, thus the reasoning behind Casey not telling a SINGLE person for ONE month that her daughter was missing.

Here are my thoughts regarding Casey’s epic failure in selecting an adequate defense:

  1. Jose Baez received his degree to practice law from Strayer University
  2. I’m more apt to believe a mass email that upon forwarding to 10 friends within 1 minute, I will receive success, love, money and a unicorn.
  3. Early childhood molestation cannot be physically proven years after the fact…the only possible evidence would be for Casey to take the stand (if this does happen, you can find me at the Orlando Court House battling it out for one of the 60 seats available for public viewers).  Looking at Casey’s track record it’s clearly evident she is a compulsive liar, so yes, PLEASE put Casey on the stand.
  4. Lastly, by introducing such an outlandish theory the defense is going to have one helluva time proving their case.  Despite some holes in the prosecutors case, the defense could have potentially used the “accidental death” cover-up. However, Baez (evidently, fresh off an acid-trip) went WAY too far with his convoluted theory and has almost ZERO evidential proof.

If you’ve turned the news on at any point in the last 3 weeks, your probably aware that a lot more has taken place. If you’d like to know more, all you have to do is ask…I can go on for days.  If I ever was elected to Congress and needed to filibuster, this would be my topic.

So, there you have it. We can now all watch with breath that is baited for how this pans out. Thank you, Leila, your wisdom and insight is always appreciated, especially in arenas about which I know so little. I’m happy to bring on other correspondents…MP – if you’d like to write about the wonder that are the fried goat cheese balls at Ecco, that might be acceptable. Variety, as they say, is the spice of life…and BBT is nothing if not muy caliente.

I’ve been setting up my home office the past few days, and it’s coming along nicely. Upon learning that Comcast couldn’t come hook up my internet until Thursday of this week and would charge me an extra 10 bones to do so, I decided to pick up the materials from the Comcast Office off Chamblee Tucker and install it myself. Allie, no. Between the time spent driving out to Chamblee, the waiting in line, the insufficient items provided, my two trips to Best Buy and the 17 mins on the phone with Customer Service, I’m thinking I should have just left it to the professionals….although a professional could not give me this self-satisfied sense of ownership I feel when I look at the blinking lights of my router – you can’t put a price on that. I’ve rearranged my furniture like five times and I’ve yet to figure out a pleasing layout…I have a date with IKEA this week. That, surely, will go well.

THIS WEEK:

  • Tuesday 6/7: Howell Mill Food Park hosts a myriad selection of food trucks, including TEX’S TACOS (here’s this week’s truck schedule), amongst others…
  • ADOPT A PUPPY!!! These three SO-ADORABLE-I-want-to-SQUEEEEEZE-THEM black lab puppies are in a foster home for now, but they need permanent homes…..this is through Atlanta Lab Rescue, and I’m being totally serious: be a hero and go adopt a puppy.

Posted in Imparting Wisdom, Really? | Tagged: , , , , , , | 7 Comments »

FREE NONNIE

Posted by AllieB on May 25, 2011

Elizabeth Shue, Christina Applegate and I have had some crazy times in child tending.

I should preface by saying: I don’t necessarily love to babysit. I like kids – I love kids! – but I like them better when I’m not in charge. I’ll tell you, it’s this hard-to-get mentality that makes them so fond of me…they can sense my disinterest, thus I’m the immediate go-to for games/fort building/freeze tag, etc. Maybe this hard-to-get thing isn’t a myth…??

I digress. The reason I bring this is up is that I’ve been chatting with my sister and Lacy and Skin and others recently about the pros and cons of taking care of other people’s children, and a certain story came to mind…

I had a weekly babysitting job every Tuesday. There was a Mom and a Dad and two trouble-making boys. Seriously, HUGE troublemakers….every week, the rents would go to Bible study and I’d watch over Christopher and Patrick and the basically dead cat, Maggie (this cat would occasionally let out a wail akin to Michael Finnegan’s last breath – terrifying).

One evening, about 6 weeks into the gig, a grandmother appeared from behind a door that I had never noticed, much less opened. Oh yes, it was their Nonnie. Nonnie had been LIVING IN THE BASEMENT for “years and years,” and no one ever told me about it. I mean I’m here like 3.5 hrs every week, and no one thought to mention the elderly person living downstairs. What if there was an emergency? What if she fell down and couldn’t get up? These are legit scenarios that I ought to be prepared for…

She did seem very nice and wasn’t at all offended by the legitimate scream with which I greeted her upon entering the living room where I was innocently watching my second favorite CW show at the time, Privileged. (That Joanna Garcia just can’t get a break, can she – she may have peaked with Reba.) She apologized for disturbing me, got herself a glass of water, and retreated downstairs…I was quite shocked – it just would’ve been nice to know about her existence, is all.

The parents got home and were very apologetic, but totally in the wrong way: “We’re SO SORRY, did she bother you?? We told her to STAY DOWNSTAIRS.” I’m a little scared that Nonnie was punished for daring to venture beyond her…prison? I don’t know. People are weird – this is why I prefer pet-sitting to people-sitting…dogs might be crazy, but it’s usually in a very endearing way…case in point: Missy Baxter. (credit: Family BBM Chat)

So, that happened…

My girl crush on Kate is more out of control than ever: how fetchingly glorious does she look at this meet & greet with President and First Lady Obama?! I guess spending 10 days in the Seychelles does wonders for one’s tan/hair/overall amazingness.

Source: NYMag

Dani – this is why I prefer to keep my posts short…but I did it for you :)

Posted in Arbitrary, Princess Kate, Really? | Tagged: , , , , , | 7 Comments »

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