Join me, won’t you?
from Liz Lemon
Or maybe we should all just join this guy.
Archive for the ‘Really?’ Category
Today I feel like this
Posted by AllieB on August 26, 2010
Posted in Arbitrary, Really? | Tagged: ADHD, dance party, my peeps | 2 Comments »
There are other virtues
Posted by AllieB on August 25, 2010
I’m fairly certain that even the most patient of people have a bout of road rage every now and again. For those of us decidedly lacking in the patience arena, these “episodes” are not infrequent.
I am slightly irked when someone cuts me off then proceeds to travel at a speed that I could surpass on foot. I am somewhat ticked off by random road construction and inconvenient detours. But I am legit furious when some halfwit thwarts my progress through a crowded intersection – that is when I cross over to the dark side.
It happens like this: some jackass decides the NO TURN sign hanging in plain view doesn’t apply to him, and everyone else is forced to just sit there as the traffic piles up, enduring the agony of watching the light change to yellow then red…..AAARGH it just makes me so MAD!!!
I’m a little riled up right now just thinking about it.
While I may not be patient, I am relentlessly optimistic and can find a silver lining on even the darkest of clouds. Today, my sunny outlook on life has reminded me that it’s a good thing I do not live in China, for this simply wouldn’t do.
People were stuck in this SIXTY MILE traffic jam for TEN DAYS. I would off myself.
Monica: Ross, are you okay?
Ross: I’m fine! I saw a psychiatrist at work today.
Monica: Why?!
Ross: On account of my rage.
-The One With Ross’s Sandwich
Posted in Arbitrary, Really? | Tagged: do not want, Friends the TV show, my personal hell | 2 Comments »
On notice: TUESDAYS
Posted by AllieB on August 17, 2010
It has recently come to my attention that Tuesday is by FAR the worst day of the week. Here’s why:
- Tuesday night tv is awful. I cannot think of a single television program, historically or currently, that airs on Tuesday evenings.
- I often mistake Tuesdays for Wednesdays, and I get really angry when I realize I am wrong.
- It is lame.
I know – my reasons are so reasonable. I’ve been trying to think of a two syllable word that begins with the letter T so I could revise the lyrics of The Bangles 80’s chart-topper Manic Monday, but I’ve got nothing. I bet this is why the song is called Manic Monday – they wanted to sing about how abominable Tuesdays are, but they couldn’t find an adjective that fit.
Torrid Tuesday…
Tacky Tuesday…
Trashy Tuesday…
Whatevs, that song is annoying anyway. I’m going to watch Bill Go Big Time.
Posted in Really? | Tagged: do not want, on notice | 1 Comment »
Case.In.Point.
Posted by AllieB on August 16, 2010
In my very first entry, Be Advised, I mentioned that I do not prefer flying and included a frightening video that indicated why this was so.
Since that post all of three weeks ago, the following absurdities have taken place in the so-called “friendly skies:”
1. On July 21, United Flight 967 from Washington D.C. to L.A. went thru aggressive turbulence and was forced to divert to Denver, where 22 people were treated for injuries. (Source)
2. Today, August 16, an Aires flight bound for Colombia, South America was struck by lightning. Only one person died, which, given this is how the plane looked after the emergency landing, is unbelievable. (Source)
do NOT want
3. And, lastly, on my plane ride to Paris a week ago, I saw a woman die. She was old and it was her time, but it was really unpleasant. She had a seizure six hours into the flight, and the flight attendants and various passengers worked hard to revive her, but I think she died kind of as soon as it happened – she was laid out in the aisle about six inches from my seat and I saw EVERYTHING. We had to divert to Ireland where her body was carried off the plane in a some sort of makeshift sling…I know this was worse for her and her loved ones than it was for me, but that still didn’t make it okay. She was so close to my seat that flight attendants keep pushing at me to move – well, it’s an airplane and my options were limited, so I sat in my sister’s lap for an hour (the guy next to her had taken a sleeping pill meant for cattle and slept thru the whole thing – lucky).
WTF. I’m just glad to have made it home in one piece. Next time I fly, I plan to do so under the influence of that sleeping pill meant for cattle.
Posted in Arbitrary, Really? | Tagged: a woman died on my airplane, do not want, travel | 7 Comments »
Grocery Store Shame
Posted by AllieB on August 4, 2010
Here’s how it usually goes down*:
I arrive in lounge wear that may or may not be appropriate public attire and get a basket. I always choose a basket in lieu of a cart because obviously a basket will keep me from buying too much, or at least keep me from buying a large frozen pizza (they don’t fit). It doesn’t; I still do; and I just end up carrying things in my arms.
Anyway, my immediate go-to’s are Velveeta Shells ‘n Cheese and a two liter bottle of ginger ale. I then pick either a bag of Cape Cods or those awesome Terra veggie chips, or both. Next I visit the frozen foods section, where I pick out a pizza to carry around and a sweet – usually a pint of something Haagen Daaz makes (I’m on a dulce de leche kick right now).
If the line isn’t too long, I hunker down for a philly cheesesteak. I would do just about anything for a philly cheesesteak from Publix…anything except waiting in a line with more than three people in it.
It’s towards the end of my shopping, when my basket is overflowing and my hands are full, that I inevitably run into someone I know. Usually it’s in the manner of me chasing down an errant can of crescent rolls as it goes rolling beneath another shopper’s cart – Â obviously, I know said shopper.
“Oh, hello Mrs. You’re In My Mom’s Bible Study! It’s great to see you!”
“This weather is ridiculous, Mrs. I Dogsit For You & Sleep At Your House When You’re Out of Town, but you still look so cute! Can’t wait to see Rover next week!”
Everyone laughs, and we go our separate ways, but I know they’ve judged me. It’s okay because I am judging me, too.
And that is why I don’t buy my wine at the grocery store.
*I would like to note that this applies to SUNDAYS only. I do not eat like this every day…just Sundays. Obviously.
Posted in Arbitrary, Food & Drink, Really? | Tagged: get in my belly, questionable, wine | 2 Comments »