Baxter Bark Twice

Do as I say, never as I do

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You’re going to want to bookmark this one

Posted by AllieB on August 23, 2011

CREDIT: Hadley P. Click here to enlarge.

This is the schedule for Fall premiers on the major networks. I know not how to spell “premiere” and it seems it’s acceptable with or without the “e.” Ok then.

I spent an afternoon watching trailers for the new tv shows recently, and there is a LOT for us to be excited about. Note to Sister, Kara, Lacy, and probably a lot of you: these are scripted television shows with sets and fictional characters and plotlines, so you may or may not be interested. For those of us with standards, continue reading:

YES:

  • Two Broke Girls: that busty girl from a bunch of movies is kind of annoying, but I laughed at the trailer…I”m sure I’ll watch it even if it’s awful
  • Up All Night: Christina Applegate is one of my top 5, and Will Arnett is weird but in an awesome way, and Maya Rudolph – when she’s not overdoing it – is great, too. IN!
  • Revenge: fiesty! And I like that actress – Rebecca from Brothers and Sisters.
MAYBE:
  • Pan Am: I’ve never been a fan of Christina Ricci (her face is weird), but I like the premise
  • Hart of Dixie: I think this has already premiered? It wasn’t horrible
  • Charlie’s Angels: I’ll definitely try it out – I have that girl crush on Minka Kelly…

I am LIVID that Cougar Town doesn’t come back on until January 2012. WTF, ABC? KMA. Fortunately Happy Endings is making a timely return…I’m serious, that show is hilarious. Hopefully they’ll continue to minimize the roles of Elisha Cuthbert and that d-nozzle she left at the altar. His only redeeming quality is that he runs a cheesesteak food truck…I love food trucks that serve cheesesteaks.

SPEAKING of food trucks: Tex’s Tacos schedule for the week.

Did you know that Zara will be selling their clothes online as of September 7th? They are. Neat.

Posted in Arbitrary, Imparting Wisdom | Tagged: , , , | 6 Comments »

What the crap!

Posted by AllieB on August 9, 2011

WTC! In Paris they now have 24-hour vending machines that dispense piping hot, freshly baked baguettes. I want to go to there!! If only they’d gotten their act together a year ago. I’ve been reliving our trip to France all week by way of photographs – minus the dead lady on the plane ride over (total downer), it was a perfect vacation…hindsight 20/20, right? In true Fat American fashion, Al Roker remarked: “They need one of those over here that has donuts instead of baguettes…” Good call, Al – just what we need, another champion for America’s obesity…especially from someone who’s actually already had gastric bypass surgery. I’m really down on the Today show right now, yet haven’t been able to pull the trigger on GMA…six in one, half dozen in the other.

4-wheelers that went up to like 50 MPH – that’s fast, right? They went really fast. Ode to Georgia Bar. (My t-shirt is a GA Bar t-shirt.)

Ok. This is the type of information that I would maybe tell my friends after I’ve been doing it for awhile … truth bomb: sometimes I sit on relevant information before sharing it with my peers. Of course, everyone could have known about this all along, making me moron who thinks she’s got a piece of groundbreaking information. Anyway, without further ado: I’ve been reading this blog written by Victoria’s Secret model Chrissy Teigen. I know…she’s dating John Legend and is actually pretty hilarious…she’s kind of a nut -I think we’d get along nicely. I follow her on Twitter, too. Anyway, I she imparted some very valuable wisdom in her post, “Ugh, alcohol:”

*fact: most fashion industry people that are watching their weight (so everyone) drink vodka/club soda splash of lime. Even lighter. Get Goose. Potato vodkas are a no no. This is my drink of choice lately. Kind of tastes like ass, and trust me, I can’t wait for swimsuit modeling season to go away. I miss the cold Christmas shopping days where I fill a to-go cup with coffee halfway and pour Bailey’s in the rest. Then I hit the city, shop, and completely forget what I ended up buying anyone until I get the thank you cards. It’s fun.

Minus the part about swimsuit modeling season :|, I really appreciate this whole excerpt. And I’m glad to know I no longer have to buy all my Christmas gifts online – her plan sounds pretty awesome. Anyway, this part about Grey Goose only was very interesting to me – it’s made with wheat in France. You know how no one in France is fat??? Oh wow, this is really coming full circle…baguettes from Paris, vodka from France…I never tie things together so nicely. Horn: tooted! And now I really, really want to go back to France.

Sisters in Paris. Notably absent: hot, fresh baguettes from nearby vending machine

On notice: Betches Love This Site. It’s become an internet sensation and I hate it. I don’t even really want to link to it because they get plenty of fraffic as is, but…whatever, here it is. They started it in February and have 35,000+ followers on Twitter and apparently have a movie deal. WTF! They cuss too much – it’s very crass. However, they write anonymously which is I figure how they get away with some of the stuff they say…I mean, I guess they’re entertaining – I feel like they appeal to a slightly younger (read: college-age) demographic – one comprised of srat sistas who love to flip their hair and squeal. I cannot stand shrill, high-pitched people. I think the Betches and I can just agree to disagree…unless they’re looking for staff writers, in which case I may or may not be available.

WHAT THE CRAP HAPPENED TO SINEAD O’CONNOR.

Posted in Arbitrary, Imparting Wisdom, Really? | Tagged: , , , , , | 4 Comments »

Here. Read this.

Posted by AllieB on July 22, 2011

In lieu of putting forth any effort, I share with you a collection of interesting things I found on the interweb.

A not entirely inaccurate depiction of how the sexes handle break ups. Plus, I really like Leighton’s flat face. And I’m practicing my head toss – if I can get half as good as the girl in the last one, I’ll be doing okay. Now THAT is breezy.

The 50 most delicious foods in the world. Much to my surprise, I didn’t really have any opposition to this list. Some things are kind of broad – i.e., “tacos – Mexico” and they definitely phoned it in with “ice cream – United States” but Thai food gets the credit it deserves…WAIT I don’t think cheesesteaks are on there. I OBJECT.

These are particularly helpful to those of you who live in cities where you actually walk around in the city: how to deal with those pesky construction workers and their leering remarks. I like, LET ME TRY ON YOUR HAT!”

A Mother’s Prayer – by Tina Fey. Tina Fey is really funny all of the time. OMG which remiiiinds me – VH1 is constantly airing “Best of SNL” specials, and they have one about the time post 9/11 and what it was like to do the show and how they handled the sensitive subject matter…anyway, I watched it with Leila the other night and it’s awesome. I cannot find the name of the episode online, which suggests that the internet is broken, but you’ll know what I’m talking about when you see it. Record it.

Ok, this guy is batsh*t bonkers. (Credit: FM)

The only way to watch Inception…they make a good point.

This book makes me look forward to being a parent. Not because I love dropping the F bomb and hope my child’s first word is that word -I don’t think I’d actually read this to my child – but it tells it like it is. Like would you PLEASE JUST GO TO SLEEP…ok and this is even better – here is Samuel L. Jackson reading it.

Drinking whilst exercising! Exercising whilst drinking! Germany may not have gotten everything right, but they nailed this.

Lastly…do nothing for two minutes.

Happy WEEKEND!!!

Posted in Imparting Wisdom | Tagged: , , | 3 Comments »

Informative Disinformation

Posted by AllieB on July 20, 2011

GROUP DINNERS!!! Who doesn’t love having a meal of food with 18 people at a long, rectangular table and being stuck at the end, relegated to a corner with the dunce and the doofus, and then getting a check for $80 when you had a salad and shared a bottle of $25 wine (and possibly a martini – but still, that’s clearly too much. (Unless your martini was made of gold, as the margarita at Varasano’s is. $17.50 is the price for a 4 oz tequila beverage…just so you know…order accordingly.)) Well, per this Handy Guide shared with me by OD, How to Split a Check, that’s just the way the cookie crumbles at group dins. (If you’re 25 and older – if you’re under 25 and you’re reading this…well, isn’t that nice for you.)

Now, the observant among you have read this, processed it and realized that in a group-dining scenario, one is effectively incentivized to order lavishly and imbibe irresponsibly, because not everyone else will, and thus what you end up paying will be disproportionate to what you actually owe, meaning that you make out like a bandit while your schmuck pals who exercise restraint in the name of fiscal responsibility end up subsidizing you. This is correct!

I don’t really love group dinners. Unless we go to Treehouse and Bethenny splits the check as we order – I always appreciate that. Rory at Paul’s does that, too. Also, be advised, not eating and only drinking at restaurants doesn’t do you much good. If you’re really trying to save $$, bring vodka disguised in a water bottle and order club soda. I’M KIDDING that’s pathetic – don’t do that. Everyone will stare at you in disdain and someone might even ask you to leave. If the situation is that dire, stay home. Wisdom: imparted.

Why does no one have house parties anymore? Jeez. Lindsay, maybe we need to be telling more people about your beer pong table that folds up into a briefcase.

RUMORS!! Unbeknownst to me, there have been rumors circulating that J Simps is pregs – she’s aggressively denying them, of course…It’s not for me to say, obviously, but this picture may or may not be the reason why…

Source: Daily Mail

And Leo dumped Boobs!!! Muuahahahaha. That’s what you get for being desperate to be Mrs. Leonardo DiCaprio.

Evidently the niceness of yesterday was a one-time thing.

Happy almost Bday, BBT! Un día más

Posted in Arbitrary, Imparting Wisdom | Tagged: , , , , | 2 Comments »

That’s that

Posted by AllieB on July 18, 2011

Suffice it to say, it was an emotional Sunday. I subjected myself to unnecessary grief by watching the series finale of Friday Night Lights and then sitting through the last installment of the Harry Potter films. I am reminded of Sping 2k4 – cut to: the night before my last exam when I was studying at a friend’s apartment, enduring the series finale of Friends, my favorite television program, alone. He walked in midway through to find me on the couch, my books spread around me, bawling freely….he quietly excused himself and retreated quickly back across the courtyard.

Look, sorry I’m not sorry I allow myself to be engaged by quality tv and cinema presentations.

Friday Night Lights has been sensational this entire last season. It’s already out on DVD, so I highly recommend queuing up your Netflix. AND both Coach Taylor and Tami Taylor were nominated for Emmy’s again, as was the program on a whole. Talk about deserving winners…Coach Taylor could tell me throw myself in front of a bus and I’d say, “can I throw myself in front of two?” I love that guy.

Harry Potter was a-MAH-zing. They jump right in where they left off with the first installment, and it’s a non-stop thrill ride til the very end. Actually, no, the very end is a little awkward, but up until there are 5 minutes left – heart-pounding thrill ride. Why do movie critics always say “thrill ride?” I have never used that phrase before, ever, and how strange that it’s used re: a decidedly stationary activity. Just saying. Also – I thoroughly enjoyed this “Best of” retrospective covering all of the Harry Potter movies on NYMag.

BBT HIGHLY recommends both. Doooo it.

Meet and greet: BP’s new PUPPY PIPPA!!!! Can you tell which one is Pippa the Pup, and which one is Pippa Middleton made entirely out of crumpets? (I know, so weird.)

I LOVE PIPPA THE PUP!!! (She’s on the left)

Here’s Tex’s Tacos schedule for the week.

Here’s your weekly horoscope.

Here’s how to VOTE FOR BBT!!!!!!!!!

Guess who turns ONE this Thursday…? Hint: it’s not a mammal; it’s a blog which you may or may not be reading at this very moment.

Posted in Arbitrary, Imparting Wisdom | Tagged: , , , , | 7 Comments »

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