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Do as I say, never as I do

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The arsonist has oddly shaped feet

Posted by AllieB on August 6, 2013

Happy August 6th! Do you feel as I do, that 2k13 is going by super fast? This summer especially – it’s been a big one: I turned 30…went to Africa…I joined Snapchat…Georgia football kicks off in 24 days…things just keep happening! The mind reels.

To segue from my African adventures to just good ole normal weekly BBT posts, here is a bunch of random stuff – pop culture and what have you.

Watching: Orange is the New Black (exclusively on Netflix). I guess I should say “watched” instead of implying it’s something I’m still doing…I’m already finished. It’s definitely not for everyone, but it’s good – something to note is that it’s created by Jenji Kohan, who brought us the cluster that was Weeds. Do keep in mind that I’m not always right about things and that I often retract my opinions – hey, I’m flaky. But today, right now: BBT says to tune in. Also, look at this list of 23 Surprising Facts about OitNB – I think it might sell it even more.

I happened upon this last night on my yog along the Hudson River…

I saw this exactly as you see it - no enhancement. How?! Sometimes Mother Nature really nails it

I saw this then exactly as you see it now – no enhancement. How?! Sometimes Mother Nature really nails it

Reading: Suffice it to say, I’ve had some time on my hands recently to get through a few books. God bless the wonder that is the Kindle. Here, I even ranked them.

1. Where’d You Go Bernadette – I lol’ed a lot; it’s not your typical novel format, but I LOVED it

2. Beautiful Ruins – modern day movie business combined with 1960’s Italy – it works, I liked this

3. The Engagements – really like J. Courtney Sullivan, this one tracks intertwining stories over several decades

4. The Silent Wife – the dissolution of a relationship handled in a rather interesting way…this, along with many other books, has been heralded as the “next Gone Girl” – I’m not saying that it is, but the comparison didn’t bother as much as it usually does

5. The Cuckoo’s Calling – this crime mystery penned under J.K. Rowling’s pseudonym is really good – I’m always skeptical of authors writing under different names, but this is a page-turner

6. War Brides  – WWII-era historical fiction

What not to read: Revenge Wears Prada. I wanted to quit after like 8 pages, but I forced myself to stick it out for 60 more before I gave it up altogether. Andy is the least likable character ever, and I found myself wanting to go find her and yell at her, and then maybe shove her around a little. Skip it. Fortunately it has not affected my undying devotion to Devil Wears Prada, the movie. That’s all.

Also, I’m going to do a better job managing my Goodreads account – I just downloaded the app! – so if you’re interested in more suggestions you can go here instead of writing me emails (Caro, you’re not the only one). Bookmark it or something. I am interested in reading some more non-fiction and biographies/memoirs, so you may send me emails with suggestions for those.

News from my alter-ego, Alessandra: the discovery of this mascara, VOLUMINOUS by L’Oreal (grey tube w gold cap), is the best thing that’s happened to me in my 15 or so years of wearing makeup. It’s better than Diorshow, 1/4 of the price…pizza for everybody!

SPOTTED: Hugh Jackman and I were at Equinox last Wednesday at 545 am, getting our days started off right. We made eye contact and he smiled – he was smiling at everyone, and my goodness but is he handsome. Then, a couple of hours later as I sat on my desk and ate Fage yogurt with granola, I looked up, and – whaddya know – it’s Hugh on Good Morning America. The following evening K and I (K was in town!!!) saw Mitchell (Jesse Tyler Ferguson) from Modern Family and his new husband at Commerce. We considered taking a pic with them until we saw some podunk tourists doing it, so we instead engaged his sweet husband in a convo while he waited for Jesse to finish up with silly people who wanted a photo with the famous person. I hope you’ll note that both of these celeb encounters occurred without me doing anything bone-headed. With age does come maturity??

Blindsided by: I am still recovering from the shock that Kate gave birth to a boy. It hadn’t even occurred to me that this was a possibility: Kate would have a princess and she would have hair just as glorious as her mum’s. After some thought, I realized how it was totally typical of classy, level-headed Kate to go ahead and get the heir-to-the-throne out of the way, thereby eradicating any potential pressure or undue criticism from the Royal Fam or the brutal UK tabloids. Well done you, Duchess, on controlling your own biological settings.

dang

this, them, her..

I wish I wrote this: fellow FOMO victim Will Welch offers step-by-step treatment for curing FOMO in this month’s GQ. Spoiler Alert: there’s no cure, but there are coping mechanisms.

Shack Attack: you peeps in ATL are really lucky – Shake Shack is headed to Buckhead in mid-2014. It is hard for me to talk about Shake Shack without going overboard, but it’s…it’s amazing. Yeah, Bocado and HF are great, but Shake Shack is different. And it’s cheap and easy and it’s like heaven in your mouth. So…y’all have got that going for you, which is nice.

Is Tuesday the new Thursday on BBT?? I hope not, I hate Tuesdays.

*re today’s title – I couldn’t come up with anything on my own and Anchorman happened to be on this weekend…really looking forward to #2. Plus, the arsonist really does have oddly shaped feet.

Posted in Arbitrary, Imparting Wisdom, Princess Kate | Tagged: , , , , , | 13 Comments »

NEXT!

Posted by AllieB on June 27, 2013

It happened; it’s over.

sistas in the city; my bestest Juan embracing life on Top of the Standard; city biking on Westside Hwy (NO HELMETS DANGER); there's a cat on Sissy's head

Bday Weekend Breakdown: sistas in the city; my bestest Juan embracing life on Top of the Standard; city biking on Westside Hwy (NO HELMETS DANGER); there’s a cat on Sissy’s head

Moving on! In less than two weeks I depart for Africa. Every time I say “Africa” I automatically hear that song “Africa” in my head – it’s getting pretty old. One thing that’s cool about this trip, besides the fact that it’s going to be really cool, is that it will enable me to cross off 6 of the 7 continents from my list: Continents. This leaves only Antarctica, which is actually super convenient because all I need to do is nail down an SI Swimsuit Cover and I’m all set!

dang

made ya look

Back to Africa. Ok, one more look at Kate . . . and NOW back to Africa: I will take tons of photos, of course, and tell you all about it when I get back. One thing that should cause all of us some concern is that, from NY->ATL->Johannesburg->Malawi->Johannesburg->ATL->NY I will log in approximately 50 hours of flying time.  My god that is a lot of time to be on a plane within 12 days…it really hit me when I did the math just then…oh dear. Anyway, unpleasant things tend to happen to other people while I’m on board airplanes (e.g. death, broken pelvis, violent nausea), so this doesn’t bode well for my fellow passengers – that is a lot of time for others to be at risk. Best wishes for safe travels!

50 hours. What the crap am I going to do for 50 hours. Pre-Teen Allie is getting fidgety just thinking about it…

In other news, some of which is legitimately worthy:

-THE ODDS ARE IN MY FAVOR!! If Princess Kate has a girl (which everyone thinks she is) the odds are 5-2 that she will name her Alexandra. If I cannot be Princess Kate, I will settle for being the namesake of her first born. (Credit: Caro)

-the amazing story about the man who slipped into a coma upon consuming 413 cheddar cheese biscuits fat Red Lobster is, sadly, not true.

–The Heat with Sandra Bullock and Melissa McCarthy is getting really good reviews – I thought it looked dumb, but perhaps now I will see it on Sunday. I always listen to reviews, just as I always follow the rules regarding bicycle safety (unless that outlaw Sister is involved)

–This list of “Lessons Learned” is applicable to everyone, regardless of occupation/age/gender – it’s written by a Vice Chairman at the PE firm Blackstone. The guy’s been around for 80 years, he knows what’s up.

-is anyone interested in renting my sister’s townhouse in Jupiter, Florida? I can’t believe I’m even posting this, I’d really rather it stay in the family for when I am in the mood to visit SoFla. I am trying very hard to not think about what $1,860/month gets you there vs. what $1,860 gets you here…..gross.

Happy Birthday to AMERICA!!! I love the 4th of July. I’ll be heading east to the Hamptons, and I will enjoy the beach, fireworks, $30 cover charges at Talkhouse, and overcrowded accommodations. God bless the stars and bars, sahn.

food you can make look like an American Flag: lasagna, assortment of cheeses, Budweiser, dessert

food you can make look like an American Flag: lasagna, an assortment of cheeses, Budweiser, dessert

If you need the recipe for Budweiser, let me know.

TGIT! It is unclear to me how it is only Thursday, but I am ever so thankful that this, the longest week ever in the history of all the weeks, is almost over. Be well, make good choices, and, as always, do as I say but never as I do.

Posted in Arbitrary, Imparting Wisdom | Tagged: , , , , , | 9 Comments »

Thirsty/Thrifty/Throwback Thursday

Posted by AllieB on August 23, 2012

The Donkey and I were enjoying half-price beers and tacos last night at The Ivy*, and chatting about what have you: my move, our friends, the DOW index, Jessica Simpson’s weight status…etc. I am my own best resource for all things pertaining to JSimps, so when we wanted to look at pics, I searched my JSimps tag which I affix to any and all posts wherein I discuss my favorite buxom blonde. Well, turns out I’m something of a prophet – please read what I wrote about her on September 29, 2011 in response to a tabloid article claiming she was pregnant (this was a month before she officially confirmed it):

Everyone knows that InTouch is for photographic perusal ONLY and that their news reporting is almost always erroneous, but when they say things like this – I pay attention: EXCLUSIVE: IT’S OFFICIAL: JESSICA SIMPSON IS PREGNANT.

No one is really giving InTouch an exclusive anything (except that stupid LeAnn Rimes, maybe – she is the WORST), but I’m going with it. To quote another newsworthy source, Hollywood Reporter, “Jess has sorta looked pregnant for awhile. Now she actually is!” I can’t decide if I want her to be or not…you can’t make fun of pregnant people for being fat. Though she could really blow up – the same article also reported that she’s craving nachos dipped in chocolate, so this is promising…I guess now she’ll actually have to confirm or deny via reputable news source.

I knew, in my heart of hearts, that was she was going to be an enormous pregnant lady, and I was RIGHT! So validating. And I think we can all agree that I’ve officially put the nail in my karmic coffin re: my own unpleasant pregnancy…so I’ve got that to look forward to, which is neat. There hasn’t been a picture of post-baby Jessica since early July…I am waiting with breath that is bated for the next sighting.

This was the throwback part of the post. Also, this:

Happy Birthday to Tina in 2007! I forgot to acknowledge your b-dizzle last week, so here is a tardy holla. We went to MJQ, and it got wild…HOLY SH*T THAT WAS FIVE YEARS AGO. I can’t…I don’t…I’m having a really hard time processing that truthbomb – ha, more like truth nuclear warhead. Ugh. At least my hair isn’t that color anymore; BBT is not a blonde.

It’s funny to me that I really don’t read other blogs, but I do read Witty + Pretty, a very informative site written by a fellow Atlantan who clearly knows her stuff. This week she introduced me to the wonder that is Songza. Songza is a FREE music app that has like a gazillion different playlists for any occasion – literally, any occasion.  There are lists for activities, such as: Curing Road Rage, Sitting on a Back Porch, Walking Through a City, lists for moods: Lush, Sexual, Trashy, and they also have genres and categories you can search…I feel like I discovered a whole new portal to the internet or something – there are seemingly unlimited options. Also, I know said this a second ago but I’m saying it again: Songza is FREE and there are ZERO commercials. Smell ya later, Pandora; Songza 4 eva. (This is the thrifty portion, btw.)

Thirsty? Why, yes, I am. If you feel like getting complicated, I refer you to this list of Atlanta’s 10 Most Iconic Drinks – that margarita at Agave has my name all over it – or you can go the simpler route with this:

Look, there’s three for me one for each of us.

That’s it for Thursday. Peace playas.

*I’m already nostalgic for The Ivy – I realized this as I signed my $9 tab for 3 beers and chicken tacos; that is a freaking steal. And I also just realized that this little afterthought blurb incorporates all three of today’s talking points: thirsty, thrifty, and throwback. Man, I am GOOD.

Posted in Arbitrary, Imparting Wisdom | Tagged: , , , , , | 4 Comments »

Bad writing, fine dining, and kids that are rich

Posted by AllieB on August 22, 2012

I posted last week about the UGA student who wrote an allegedly satirical column on how to find that perfect husband in college. A lot of people hadn’t seen it before, and a lot of people had comments – is she serious, is this a joke, please tell me this is not real, etc. Ever the diligent journalist, I delved deeper and tried to ascertain just what exactly the author was trying to achieve. Turns out she wrote a follow-up article entitled, “Writer of ‘How to find perfect husband in college’ reveals true nature of column”, and now I really can’t stand her. She opens with:

To all who do not understand satire…

I quit reading after that, so I guess I’ll never know what she was trying to accomplish, and, frankly, I’m unsure I have the capacity to care less. The last thing a contested writer needs to do is condescend those who deigned to read her material. I’m not a moron, and I, for the most part, tend to catch on pretty quick, and it was in no way clear to me that she was being funny – and that’s me playing real fast and loose with the word “funny.”

Puppy break!

In light of my imminent departure, I’ve made a concerted effort to make the most of Atlanta and all of its delights. Read: I’ve been going out to eat a lot. I’m kind of embarrassed about that “bucket list” I posted several weeks back re: things I wanted to do before I left. Surely I know better than to announce plans of intention on BBT – they so rarely pan out, and then I look like I don’t follow through on stuff. Which, whether or not that’s true, would be a moot issue if I didn’t open my big mouth in the first place. I don’t prefer announcing plans to people – some might argue this would hold you to keeping them, others (moi) might say mind your own beeswax. So, about dining out:

Bistro Niko: Just a really excellent meal of food. I got the steak frites with both the bernaise and the maitre d’hotel butter (obviously) and it was nothing short of decadent. It’s a happening place, Bistro Niko is. Also, when I was younger my barometer of gauging a restaurant’s “cool factor” was the bathroom: the bathrooms at BN are pretty tight. BBT says: I liked it before, but – if I were sticking around – I could see it becoming a real go-to.

The Optimist: I’m sick of talking about The Optimist. It’s great, and if you haven’t been you should go, but can we please stop talking about it.

Big Ketch: I could likely survive a good long while off their hush puppies. I still haven’t had anything else on the menu. Do, however, beware of patrons taking a mid-meal snooze on the patio…this really happened, I snapped the pic myself. Man down; lock it up; where are her friends she’s passed out in her chair.

Grindhouse Killer Burgers: Hell yes. This place rocks – it is currently my favorite of the burger places. I got an Apache Turkey burger (pepper jack cheese, grilled onions, and green chiles), and it was awesome. I might go back again before I go.

Flip Burger: Meh. I’m kind of over Mr. Blais.

All of these places, of course, are listed on the spreadsheet with pertinent info.

Blog of the Week: Rich Kids of Instagram (credit: Lia)

Actual photo caption: Matching… #Ferrari #inmylivingroom #oneofushas2change #hamptons #NBD

 To give you just a little bit of perspective, this is my last Instagram:

 Actual photo caption: My two loves: 32 oz of beverage and a royal compact. Best gift ever @carriewyatt!

Suddenly my two loves seem…inadequate. At least I’m not a total d-nozzle; I, for one, am able to dress myself with the utmost confidence that I will in no way resemble my Ferrari. This guy’s totally bush league.

Hope you’re doing something happy on this happiest of hump days – I intend to.

Posted in Arbitrary, Food & Drink, Imparting Wisdom, Really? | Tagged: , , , | 7 Comments »

People I Want to Punch in the Face

Posted by AllieB on August 16, 2012

Want: unlike the rest of the free world, I enjoy physically writing down my to-do lists as opposed to keeping track of tasks electronically. My reasons are twofold: first, it’s still way more satisfying to cross things off manually then check a little box on my Wunderlist app, and, second, I am continually amazed at how horrible my handwriting is, and it entertains me to see it degenerate with each passing day. A nice bonus of the latter is that sometimes I cannot read items on my list, therefore I cannot fault myself when they do not get done. Admittedly, a con is people getting a hold of these lists…but I found these highly personalizeable agenda/to-do books online, and I must purchase:

Before/After

May Books – choose from like a zillion patterns/colors/monograms – you can even choose what’s on the inside, you can even choose a “Bump Book” wherein you can paste pictures of your sonogram. I am fine with this because maybe if you are putting your sonogram in your Bump Book, you are not putting it on Facebook. Okay, retract…..I’m going to talk about this – I really don’t want to offend anyone, so please read carefully: I enjoy seeing/tracking baby progress of people I know and love; unfortunately I have, like, 2000 friends on Facebook (humble brag!) therefore am learning a LOT more information about people I vaguely knew in 2005 than I’d really prefer. However, isn’t it my fault for not tidying up my friend list? I’m sure the girl I sold ads with at the Red and Black has lots of friends who have a vested interest in her trimesters; it just isn’t me. But instead of berating her for daring to keep her loved ones informed, maybe it is beholden to me to take action. Facebook has become a highly public information-sharing arena – few people really understand the privacy settings, and I’m guessing many don’t even realize just how much info they’re actually putting out there. If you’re that offended, quit. There, I addressed the baby/Facebook issue. May it never be mentioned again. The people bitching are becoming just as obnoxious as the people about whom they are bitching. Besides, you do realize you can choose who does/doesn’t appear in your mini-feed…if you don’t want to see the stuff, simply remove the culprit. Or block them. No, blocking is stupid – just take a second and change your filters. Truly, it’s not rocket science.

And I thought I was just talking about monogrammed to-do lists?? That kind of went awry…

Moving along! I am getting very VERY excited about my imminent move to New York. Even watching the tourists in matching, ill-fitting, way-too-tight-around-the-neck orange t-shirts go bananas in the plaza of Studio 1-A in Rockefeller Center on the Today Show gets me excited. I might even do that one day. Who knows?! As Sister has pointed out, I think I’m really going to enjoy to anonymity of NYC…just me and my horrible sense of direction wandering around the city…which reminds me, I’m definitely going to need another phone charger to carry around on my person so I am never without gps and/or enough battery life to call Sister and leave her phone messages of me sneezing. I have a really loud sneeze.

Case in point: page two of notes from my meeting earlier this week with Emily about w.port…we were planning her grand opening event.

Don’t worry, Emily, I’ve got the invites under control. Seriously, I can read this just fine – I blurred the pic on purpose…you know, for effect.

BTW – I don’t really have a list of people I want to punch in the face. That’s a bit aggressive…I keep track of that stuff right up here {slow tap to my temple topper} – as if I’d be foolish enough to write names down.

PS – speaking of the R&B, I trust y’all saw that horrific column, “How to find that perfect husband in college” – I’ll tell you who won’t be guest-blogging on BBT: that girl. Vom to tha max. I wonder if she wrote that nonsense on purpose, going so over the top as to put herself on the map…if so, kudos, especially since she’s not even that good of a writer. BURN.

Thirsty Thursdizzle!

Posted in Arbitrary, Imparting Wisdom | Tagged: , , , , , | 9 Comments »

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