Baxter Bark Twice

Do as I say, never as I do

Archive for the ‘Imparting Wisdom’ Category

« Previous Entries
Next Entries »

Mind Your P’s and Q’s

Posted by AllieB on November 17, 2010

I’ll be the first one to say it – my manners are not impeccable. No need to expound further, but my day to day behavior, particularly at the dinner table, leaves much to be desired. Obviously, when in a more formal setting I am perfectly capable of being the consummate dining companion, not unlike a princess, even (damn you Kate Middleton), it’s just not my default…

Anyway, regardless of my own flaws, I am easily irked by the inappropriate/unacceptable manners of others. Here are things I do not prefer:

  • Smacking. I know – pot, kettle, black – but I’ve gotten lots better and am now truly disgusted by those who do. As a babysitter, I feel it is important to correct the errant ways of children and did so just the other evening. Grace, a precocious seven-year-old girl, was smacking her food so loudly that I had to speak sternly to her about how unattractive it was and that she really ought to stop. She looked at me squarely in the eye and spoke sternly to me about saying “like, yeah” so much – “you don’t sound like you know what you’re talking about,” she said. I then suggested we call it a draw; she agreed, and we shook on it. Touché. Me and Dee Reynolds – shaping the minds of America’s Youth.
  • Slouching. Sit up straight – you’ll look five pounds thinner. If that’s not reason enough, then I can’t help you.
  • To the waiter who wants to bond with the table and goes so far as to scoot into the booth: please don’t. I’m all about building rapport, but if we wanted to sit with you at dinner we would have invited you to join us at dinner. I find it very unsettling to suddenly be touching thighs with a stranger as they take my order…it happened at Tavern 99, and the waiter in question was adorned in the never-not-classy Sexy Referee Uniform. Boundaries.
  • Slurping. Akin to smacking, this is a wholly unappetizing thing to do at the table. I’m starting to feel a bit like Seinfeld…
  • Eating wings in public (Pants, Billy, Dallas, BP – I’m talkin to you).

I think one of my New Year’s Resolutions will be to adjust my behavior to that of a princess every day, formal occasion or no. I bet menfolk will find that more appealing, not to mention the friends and family with whom I frequently enjoy meals.

Dear Mom,

This Thanksgiving I promise to do none of the above.

Your loving daughter,

(Princess) Alexandra

(Source: whatupwithtthat)

Posted in Imparting Wisdom | Tagged: , , , | 3 Comments »

You, too, can make a difference…

Posted by AllieB on November 15, 2010

Today, November 15, is National Philanthropy Day. Because I work for a non-profit, I would like to encourage others to pay homage to the meaning of this noteworthy day. Take your old clothes to a thrift store, make a monetary donation in honor of a loved one, or, and this is how I’ve chosen to acknowledge the day (in addition to showing up to work, which I feel is essentially a charitable deed), adopt a word.

Indeed – some words are at risk of being removed from the dictionary, I suppose to make room for more relevant words, such as bootylicious (added to Webster in 2008 as an adjective: sexually attractive, esp with curvaceous buttocks). Go to this website – note the .org URL – and adopt your own word for free. Mine is “cloakative” – I will try to use it in a sentence.

At first, my friendship with Hilary was cloakative at best, but we’ve come leaps and bounds since then and now I almost genuinely like her.

It means superficial – that may or may not have been clear. Perhaps we actually can do without “cloakative” – I’m going to find another one. Adopt a word today! Save the words!

Note from Allie: I do not recommend image goog’ing “bootylicious.” I really should’ve known better….but I wanted to provide a visual. I think we can all agree that Kim Kardashian is pretty much the indisputable personification of the word. Holy moly, that thing needs its own zip code.

Posted in Arbitrary, Imparting Wisdom | Tagged: , , | Leave a Comment »

Meet & Greet: My Restaurant Spreadsheet

Posted by AllieB on November 2, 2010

I published my restaurant spreadsheet as a web page that looks exactly like a spreadsheet and it can now be found under the page, “Eat & Greet: Atlanta Restaurants.” This page can be accessed via the tool bar on top. Hopefully one day I can do something way cooler with it…

Here is the document: Atlanta Restaurants, and below is a little preview – a snack, if you will – of the real deal.

Ross: You ate my sandwich?

Dr. Leedbetter: It was a simple mistake. It could happen to anyone.

Ross: Oh-oh really? Did you confuse it with your own turkey sandwich with a Moist Maker?

Dr. Leedbetter: No.

Ross: Do you perhaps remember seeing a note on top of it?

Dr. Leedbetter: There may have been a-a joke or a limerick of some kind.

Ross: That said it was my sandwich?!

Dr. Leedbetter: Now calm down. Come look in my office, some of it my still be in the trash.

Ross: What??!?!

Dr. Leedbetter: Well, it was quite large. I had to throw most of it away.

Ross: You-you-you-you threw my sandwich away!

Ross: MY SANDWICH?!!!

Ross: MY SANDWICH!!!!!!

-The One with Ross’s Sandwich

Posted in Food & Drink, Imparting Wisdom | Tagged: , , , | 2 Comments »

Things I always have on my person that other people constantly borrow

Posted by AllieB on October 27, 2010

First and foremost: if you use Vaseline, you need to go purchase this updated pop-top cannister right now – I got mine at Target in the travel-sized toiletries aisle.

These next two items are for your peepers. Together, they can eliminate any signs of tears, over consumption of booze, allergies, etc., and I’m not exaggerating even a little bit.

I should note that the Rohto eye drops could be too potent for those who wear contacts  –  basically, they’re like a menthol cough drop for your eyeball. They leave your eyes with this fresh brightness Visine doesn’t even come close to. That eye roller thing by Garnier just feels really, really good…if you’re using them as a duo, do the roller first.

I should also note that I learned about the Rohto drops from an InStyle article from a few years ago where make-up artists to the stars were asked to share their “secret weapon product.” Lindsay Lohan’s make-up artist replied, “Rohto eye drops. They can make any party girl look like she’s slept for 8 hours.” Sold.

OMG! Maybe Rohto is looking for a spokesperson…and with LiLo stuck in court mandated rehab, I am clearly the obvious choice! Fo reezi – my level of kiddingness is neg.

Lastly, this gum is very tasty – I actually now chew it exclusively and buy it in bulk from Amazon because Publix is the only place that sells it: Trident Cool Colada. I don’t like colada-anything, yet this gum is the perfect mix of fruitiness and minty freshness. Buy a pack today!

JILL: Would you like some gum?

CHANDLER: Um, is it sugarless?

JILL: Sorry, it’s not.

CHANDLER: Oh, then no thanks. What the hell was that? Mental note: If Jill Goodacre offers you gum, you take it. If she offers you mangled animal carcass, you take it.

CHANDLER: You know, on second thought, gum would be perfection.

-The One With the Blackout

Posted in Arbitrary, Imparting Wisdom | Tagged: , , | 1 Comment »

Know Your Audience

Posted by AllieB on October 19, 2010

Starbucks is testing the new “Starbucks Bar” at their flagship store in Seattle. My first reaction was, “Great! Another place that serves wine.” However, upon further examination, I’m thinking: no. They’ve delved into coffee-flavored liquers, available at your local grocer/bottle shop, and their breakfast sandwiches are actually really awesome, but to serve beer and wine at their actual coffee shops just seems wrong to me.

I learned on the Today show this morning that Starbucks does 70% of their business  before 2pm. That’s FINE – you’re a COFFEE shop. I think to add alcohol in the mix will just confuse people. IMO, if Starbucks insists upon pedaling booze, they need to do so in a totally different capacity – perhaps even under a pseudonym – at a location entirely separate from the coffee shops.

When the always-hilarious Al Roker joked, “Sure, I’ll take a Zinfandel Frappucino!” I knew that I would never be able to get behind this idea.

thanks, but no thanks

Posted in Food & Drink, Imparting Wisdom | Tagged: , , | 1 Comment »

« Previous Entries
Next Entries »