Baxter Bark Twice

Do as I say, never as I do

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The results are in, amigo. What’s left to ponder?

Posted by AllieB on January 24, 2011

It’s all happening…!

The rumors have been circulating for years – years! – but the confirmation has finally been confirmed: the sequel to Zoolander will be released in 2012. This is not exactly brand new information, but I am pleased to know that they are making progress. The script is finito and Ben Stiller even shared some basic plot details (credit: NYMag):

“Now the studio has the script and we’re at that point where we’re waiting to see what they want to do. It’s ten years later and most of it is set in Europe. I don’t want to give away too much, but it’s basically Derek and Hansel ten years later – though the last movie ended on a happy note a lot of things have happened in the meantime. Their lives have changed and they’re not really relevant anymore. It’s a new world for them. Will Ferrell is written into the script and he’s expressed interest in doing it. I think Mugatu is an integral part of the Zoolander story, so yes, he features in a big way.”

That really is a cool story, Hansel.*

Girl Talk did not disappoint; it was awesome! We had seats in the balcony – by far the best in the house. Except for the fact that the balcony was moving…a lot…like bouncing up and down. This concerned me a bit, but, upon further examination, I realized that the people below us would actually be much worse-off should the balcony collapse, so it was fine. I also nearly pushed Sister over the railing – ACCIDENTALLY – but that definitely would’ve put a damper on the evening. Sorry, without any irony. I’ve been noticing a flux in thoughts of the macabre ilk, recently…might need to check on that…

BOLO for a balcony!

*Zing.

Posted in Celebs, Imparting Wisdom | Tagged: , , , | 3 Comments »

Ruminations Part Deux: Help.

Posted by AllieB on January 12, 2011

I’ve just woken up from my afternoon nap (today it was more like an early evening nap), and I feel very well-rested. Having slept for 12 hours each of the last 24, I feel really very clear headed and wise. A tad sluggish, but getting back on the BBT horse earlier helped a bit – these posts don’t write themselves, you know.

Right before my nap, I was on Facebook, hitting refresh on my mini-feed and waiting for some sort of exciting information to pop up. It didn’t. Then, I saw it – on the bottom right hand corner of my page…Facebook Chat. It’s omnipresent with its grey dot, but I obviously never, EVER sign on the thing. I strayed towards it on my mouse pad, weighing the pros and cons as I got closer and closer….

ALLIE – NO!

Luckily, I was able to stop myself in time. I marched straight over to the carpet and knocked out a few sit-ups, punishing myself for such a near-miss. Facebook Chat?!? Never will I ever. Then I took Max outside and we both nearly bit ass on the sheet of ice that is the driveway. The shock of cold air did us both some good, and we came in revitalized and refreshed – in other words, in perfect shape for a nap.

Another lesson in poor judgement that I almost executed earlier was the purchase of some Pajama Jeans. I was watching some riveting daytime television when the ten minute infomercial came on…intrigued, I moseyed over to the website to do some more research – I mean, what a great idea: the comfort of some pj pants combined with the style and fit of my fave pair of designer jeans! And, what’s this: a free grey crewneck T that I get to keep even if I return my Pajama Jeans?! Sold. There’s no way these are too good to be true.

ALLIE – NO!

I think we can all agree these bad boys – genius as the premise is and as reasonable a price – are indeed too good to be true. Great for loungewear, maybe, but not so much in public. There’s one woman riding a bike in hers on the informercial – I guess they could be okay for that, too, and maaaaybe for a Sunday trip to the grocer…but probably leave them at home on your next dinner date.

So, a couple of close calls today…fingers crossed I venture out tomorrow. In fact, hopefully upon reading this those with mobile mobiles will be so concerned about my sanity they will come to get me, ignoring my insistence that they not put themselves at risk. Plenty of people have offered to fetch me, I would like to note, but it didn’t seem worth it….rest assured, I’ll be singing a different tune tomorrow.

Posted in Arbitrary, Imparting Wisdom | Tagged: , , , | 2 Comments »

The Man Repeller

Posted by AllieB on January 5, 2011

Meet & Greet: The Man Repeller – a new blog JBax (aka Baxter Bark Thrice) has introduced me to.

Boys have a different taste in girls clothing than girls do. I got curious about the preferences of the males in my immediate social circle so I polled a few friends, inquiring as to what things they find appealing and what things are not so much. Be advised, these responses will shock you to your very core…

Likes: mini-skirts, mini-skirts with boots, any kind of jeans “that fit good,” fur, sequins, tight capri work-out pants, when hair is pulled up and reveals the neck, and, to paraphrase, “anything that shows as much skin as possible.”

Dislikes: enormous sunglasses, too much perfume and/or makeup, anything by Lily Pulitzer, fur, sequins, obviously unnatural hair color, visible panty lines

Unanimous response, more or less: we don’t really care what girls wear as long as it doesn’t look bad.

Well, there you have  it – thank you very much to the gentlemen who humored me; your opinion is greatly valued here at BBT. To the ladies: better take note if you’re lookin for a boo.

Anyway, this blog is pretty funny.

MAN·RE·PELL·ER [MAHN-REE-PELLER]

–noun

outfitting oneself in a sartorially offensive way that will result in repelling members of the opposite sex. Such garments include but are not limited to harem pants, boyfriend jeans, overalls (see: human repelling), shoulder pads, full length jumpsuits, jewelry that resembles violent weaponry and clogs.

Girl 1: What are you wearing tonight?

Girl 2: My sweet lime green drop crotch utility pants

Girl 1: Oh, so we’re man repelling tonight?

The two photos and commentary below are an excerpt from her recent post, Trend Spotting: Red Lips, Man Repeller or Propeller? I really like this girl:

from Who is Bobb-Paris

I applaud her effort at trying to include a small bit of sex appeal via lace bralette, but the chambray shirt and high-waisted pajama pantaloons make this an immediate Man Getter fail. Good for you, Fupa Fran.

from Who is Bobb-Paris

Perhaps another effort at exuding a small bit of sex appeal? I see London, I see France, I see your granny-underpants. Sorry, Charlie. There’s a dead animal around your neck.

Upon further perusal, I’m realizing it’s not just about what repels men and what doesn’t – at least not singularly – she’s clearly v fashion forward and has some good ideas about recreating couture when you can’t afford it, item wishlists, etc…she’s also been featured as a guest blogger on ShopBop, Urban Outfitters, Lucky Magazine – the list goes on. Point is, she is a revered fashion commentator, but her approach is witty and interesting and more appealing to the masses.

Ms. Man Repeller is evidently something of a blogging genius.

Posted in Imparting Wisdom | Tagged: , , , | 5 Comments »

Please stop talking. Also, FREE Chick-fil-A!

Posted by AllieB on December 21, 2010

I just left a happy birthday message for my bestest Juan (happy birthday, JohnnyT!), and, as I was hanging up the phone, I noticed that the call timer was over one minute. I wondered, what on earth did I just say to him for one minute?! The answer: nothing good.

Without any kind of response or barrier, just wide open talking time, things can get really out of hand. My thoughts – which are scattered at best – come out in this mindless drivel that is tedious for the message recipient and outright embarrassing for the message leaver (me).

I recall another message I left my buddy Miguel (strange that the two people I have thus far mentioned have names that are easily translated to Spanish – even stranger that, come to think of it, I actually took Spanish with each of these individuals…) pertaining to a lunch date.

“Michael, it’s Allie. I am calling in reference to our lunch date. I was thinking we might go to Jalisco because it is my favorite place to have Mexican food. We should absolutely get a cheese dip, and I will probably act like I am deciding between a beef soft taco and a cheese quesadilla, but I will ultimately end up ordering both. I hope you call me back before 11 because I am very hungry and you know what happens when I get hungry – my blood sugar drops and I get really cranky. I should probably have a snack now, just in case you don’t call me back before 11. I wonder what I’ll have…maybe some peanut butter crackers…”

And that’s just the part I remember. Ew, it’s even worse seeing it written out like that. Oh GOD what if these people are READING their voicemails via iPhone/Blackberry app or Google Voice?! I’m cringing as I type. The lesson here is clear: after four rings – five, max – hang up the phone.

I went to my first White Elephant Christmas party/gift exchange last night, hosted by Talbott and attended by ten or so. I’m still not entirely sure I understand the premise. Everyone brings an elaborately wrapped gift – I suppose the point is that you want people to choose your gift –  but then people can opt to steal the gift you’ve chosen or open their own gift…and then the person whose gift gets stolen is then given the opportunity to steal another’s gift. Oh. I guess I do get it. Perhaps I’m just not that thrilled with the whole deal because someone STOLE my gift. To the grinch who yanked my bottle o’ red and grapefruit hand cream from Woo: I am not happy.

Lastly – you’re welcome (credit: MPvZB)

http://www.getspicychicken.com/

Posted in Imparting Wisdom | Tagged: , , , , | 3 Comments »

There are stupid questions

Posted by AllieB on December 2, 2010

This doesn’t make me sound super cool, but I have an unquenchable thirst for knowledge. I like to know things, and if I don’t know something about which I am curious I like to research until I can figure it out. Google is my favorite invention, ever. I say that quite literally – I thought about it, and of all the things I make use of on a day to day basis I appreciate Google most. I’m clearly not counting cars and food and wine, etc. I especially adore Google Image – the results to the query “puppies hugging” make me really happy.

MASH!

I get that looking stuff up online can be tedious and often it’s just easier to send a quick chat or email to a friend asking a quick Q, but there are limits. To those who send gchats asking, “how late is Trader Joe’s open?” or, “where is the concert tonight?” or, “what is a salad spinner?” – allow me.

First, I go to www.lmgtfy.com and am presented with the following screen, at which point I type in whatever idiotic question with which I’ve been burdened:

Per the instructions, I click a button – Google Search. The site generates a link, which I then share with the half-wit who has asked me about the salad spinner, whereupon they are firmly put in their place and probably feel like a dunce.

The link: http://lmgtfy.com/?q=what+is+a+salad+spinner

It’s hard not to feel foolish watching the process unfold – the first time it happened to me I think I actually blushed. You sit there, helpless, as the mouse scans over the screen, clicks in the search box and types out the question, then sends you to the actual Google results with a shame-inducing, “was that so hard?”

People don’t always laugh upon receiving this link, but it serves its purpose. Sister suggested that I become a comedienne, and I do not think she was being sincere. Lacy got so sick of it that she actually started looking things up herself. Me, I find it enormously entertaining.

Now, what should I goog…?

Posted in Imparting Wisdom | Tagged: , , , , , | 2 Comments »

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