Baxter Bark Twice

Do as I say, never as I do

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Normalcy: it’s not for everyone

Posted by AllieB on November 14, 2012

The people-watching in New York is second to no other place I’ve been, including Flora-Bama. It’s a veritable sensory overload up here. Some days I am no mood to observe or interact with my fellow citizens, and I put in my headphones and keep to myself, and other times I like to immerse myself in my surroundings and see what peeps are up to…it is during these times that I hear things I wish I could unhear and see things I wish I could unsee.

Cut to: Sunday morning in a coffee shop in the East Village.

It was a lovely Sunday morning – daylight savings was the night previous, everyone was well-rested…a perfect bluebird fall day. I was standing in line at a locally-owned coffee shop to order some tea (I prefer Earl Grey), while the rest of my party retrieved the bagels. Spirits were high – I may have even been humming, I don’t know. I’d been there for only a short while when I got bored with my own thoughts and started listening to the twosome ahead of me. It was a boy and a girl, each carrying a musical instrument case – pretty sure both were banjos – who were meeting to go play a gig. The boy, we’ll call him Boy, was wearing one of those pork-pie hats, a sweater vest, and stonewashed jeans that were so stiff and sturdy they could likely stand up on their own.

As for the girl (Girl), just picture a much frumpier, less cute, more nasal, infinitely less charming Zooey Deschanel.

These descriptions, I realize, are not very flattering, and I honestly don’t think it was until after I heard their conversation that I began to view them so negatively. I think you’ll understand why:

Girl: So I’m totally thrown off by the time change, I had no idea where I was, what time it was, or what I was doing when I woke up. It was soooooo weird. I don’t even know what’s happening right now

Boy: Oh. Yeah. I don’t DO that whole “extra hour of sleep” thing. I stayed up an extra hour later just to be sure I didn’t get any more sleep than I usually do, because I don’t believe that you can just HAVE a free extra hour of sleep, you know? That’s just not how I do things.

Girl: For sure, I get that.

Boy: Yeah. I feel perfect today. Totally the same as I did yesterday. I don’t even really need this coffee, it’s just something to do while we wait for our ride. I’m not, like, tired – I’m totally on level.

Girl: Yeah. Yeah.

Oh COME ON. I wanted to yank that stupid hat off his head and stomp on it with my mass-produced, non-vintage boots. What an a-hole. WHO DOESN’T LOVE AN EXTRA HOUR OF SLEEP!? I’d always thought that was a rhetorical question – evidently, it is not. At least my bagel was delicious. I don’t think I’ve written an NYC post without talking about bagels, and that is because they are so awesome up here. I have one/week.

 Boy in pork pie hat who hates sleep + whiny celeb wannabe Girl = the flattest of all of my faces (for all my talk about flat face, there aren’t very many pictures of it…I’m actually quite smiley. Here is one exception: this is me during last week’s big storm. There is nothing remotely resembling a smile on my face.)

Let’s get current on some events:

– go see Skyfall. It is the best Bond movie of the Brosnan/Craig era, and not just because of Daniel Craig the scenery, Daniel Craig the chase scenes, Daniel Craig the Bond Girls, and Daniel Craig, but because it’s actually a good story. BBT says: a TEN! BBT also recommends Argo; it, too, is excellent.

– the CEO of the Irish airline, RyanAir, wants to start selling standing-room only tickets on flights. This seems to me a really dumb idea – possibly the dumbest I have ever heard. BBT says: I’m not going to dignify this with a response.

– Jessica Simpson is looking better (credit: People by way of Caro) – I guess anyone is going to look good next to her fugly mess of a sister. BBT says: Woof (but keep up the good work, Yessica!)

My idea of what constitutes a current event is perhaps incorrect.

Have a happy hump day! My Wednesday got started off on the wrong foot when I somehow managed to ride two stops in the wrong direction on the subway. I had to get off, climb all the way up the stairs, cross over Park, go back down more stairs, and wait for another train. I’m so ashamed – what a rookie mistake. The good news is that once today is over it will be Thursday, and then it will be Friday.

Posted in Arbitrary | Tagged: , , , , , | 6 Comments »

Survival of the Fittest

Posted by AllieB on November 6, 2012

Hey! Let’s do this.

It’s Election Day. I do not discuss politics on BBT, so this is more of just a friendly reminder – just in case you live in a hole or are not on Facebook. Go rock your vote.

Sandy was but a week ago, and we’re already bracing ourselves for another storm – a “blustery Nor’easter” they’re calling it. It is impossible to say “Nor’easter” without looking or sounding like a moron (seriously, say it and you’ll totes see what I mean), so in lieu of that word I will say “bad storm.” This bad storm will bring rain and wind and snow and why again did I move here?

 Oh yeah. That’s why.

Speaking of Sandy, it totally sucked. No power for three days is really bad for morale, especially since there were no subways. No subways -> sidewalk stampedes. I had more than one near death experience on my commute, from people rocket launching themselves off scaffolding to the B*TCH who shoved me into oncoming fraffic. Such atrocities brought out a heretofore unseen side of BBT: Commuter Allie. Commuter Allie kind of reminds me of The Hulk and I hope she never comes around again because that is not a good look for moi. It really was so manic.  Thank goodness for Wine Girl.

Were I to write a guide about survival (working title Survival: A Guide), I would be sure to mention the following:

1. Wine. Lots of it. Even if you think you have enough, you probably need more – it’s not like it goes bad, AND if the storm lasts a really long time you could sell it at a huge mark-up to those who were stupidly less prepared, or issue a steep IOU to be cashed in at a later date. (This is a survival guide, not a How to be a Pushover Handbook.)

2. A large stack of clean clothes. Seriously, if a storm is coming, get thee to a washing machine.

3. I should probably say water.

4. Scrabble.

5. Electronics with awesome battery power – my Kindle was the runaway champion of battery longevity, while my iPhone died after about three hours. The darkhorse hero was my work Blackberry, which lasted a full 12 hours longer than the iPhone…

6. Headlamps. Seriously, you’ll be a lot happier during a power outage if you’re hands-free.

7. Jordan’s homemade Pumpkin Cranberry Bread

8. The ability to laugh at how much whatever situation you’re in sucks*. If you can’t laugh, excuse yourself from the group because the last thing anyone needs when the going gets tough is a Debbie Downer. My survival guide has a very strict NO DD policy.

This has best-seller written all over it.

The Wedding of the Year betwixt Bill and Sister was awesome. Salud! Prost! I thought about sharing the transcript of my toast, but I lost my notes. I do know it began with, “Hi, my name is Allie Baxter” and it massively bombed, like really blew went uphill from there.

BBT and beautimous bride; first dance to Marry Me, Bill (tear); the most amazing groom’s cake there ever was: Casey WaWa made it after all…

I’m getting super excited for Christmas up here. Who’s coming to visit???

Georgia sports – both professional and collegiate – seem to be thriving in my absence. I am sure this is no coincidence, and you’re all very welcome. Sic ‘em and RISE UP.

And now for some literacy. It’s long but it’s worth it: Ken Follet’s Century Trilogy. I’m almost done with book #2, and, according to Goog, I have to wait until 2014 for #3. WTF. Ken Follet, expect a visit from Commuter Allie…if historical fiction is not up your alley, perhaps try this kind of twisted mystery by Shatter by Joseph O’Loughlin. I read about it in People mag a few weeks ago, so if you can’t take my word for it, you can take theirs. My subway/train rides are among the highlights of my day, thanks to my Kindle reader (courtesy of my very generous big sister, CKB).

It’s completely insane that it’s already November and Thanksgiving is a scant three weeks away. Where does the time go? Who knows where thoughts come from – they just appear. Have a great day and a great week. #clearheartsclearmindscantlose

*On a more serious note, while Hurricane Sandy was a walk inthe park for most of us, it was horrible for thousands of others. My sister, who’d been planning to run the marathon on Sunday before it was canceled, is now running one this weekend in efforts to raise money for those who were rendered homeless or hungry from the storm. Should you feel so inclined, follow this link to donate. Gracias.

Posted in Arbitrary | Tagged: , , , , , | 3 Comments »

Did someone eat an onion bagel?

Posted by AllieB on October 9, 2012

Long time, no see! I kind of meant to give BBT a makeover before I wrote again, but that requires time and effort, the former of which I have little and the latter…well, you know how I do with things that require effort. Nevertheless I decided touching base was more important than a new face (that rhymes), so here I am. Hello.

What have I been up to, you ask? Let’s go with the list approach:

1. I moved to New York! 100 points to Gryffindor, because I love it. Honestly, I haven’t been around that much due to an aggressive Fall Wedding Schedule (FWS henceforth), but I’m making the transition pretty smoothly. Turns out someone with my skills and background is very much in demand, and I got job at a reputable, heard-of company doing legitimate, paycheck-worthy tasks, so that’s good – I really like it so far. NYC is a tough place to be sans income.

I call this one “Skyscrapers” – Empire State; Chrysler Building; Twin Towers

Moving here is by far the best idea I’ve ever had, and I don’t know why it took me so long to figure this out. I think I was like half-dead in Atlanta or something; I’m pretty sure we can all agree I was not maximizing my potential as a person. Ever since I made up the saying “wherever you go, you’re still there”, I’ve realized that a change of scenery can be just what the doctor ordered, but it also isn’t a magical panacea that fixes everything. NYC is giving me the kick in the pants I sorely needed, but now it’s up to me to actually dooooooo something – which I fully believe I will. Ok, I can ramble on forever using stale cliches and ruminating on abstract notions, so I’ll shut it down. In conclusion: me + NYC = good.

2. Weddings are happening.

Hadley and Greg’s wedding in Newport!

From top left: wedding day with the class of 2001; the somewhat picturesque altar at White Castle Inn where they exchanged vows (and the microphone into which I read my reading, which did not work despite the rigorous testing that occurred minutes previous; I handled it like champ, totally unruffled, even when the plane flew overhead thereby completely drowning me out…other people’s weddings are all about me, right?); besties at the clam bake; a historical mansion in Newport with a two-story funhouse water slide (I found this strange.)

3. Happening some more…

Hilary and Jim’s wedding in Savannah!!

From top left: the perfect reception accessory; rear view photography by B.Ward; Agnes and Jim (this is not at the wedding, but Agnes is in a life jacket, so I stuck it in there anyway); Pal-Bert-Mrs. BillyBelShipley-Pants; Savannah Yacht Club vista

4. I think you can guess where I’m going with this

Jennifer and Alex’s wedding in Sandestin!

From top left: four favorites at the Rehearsal D.; #nofilter pic of Rehearsal D at Bentley’s on the Bay; BEAUTIFUL BRIDE; bride & groom (credit: Heather); my margarita enjoying the beach

I’ll tell you, if you’ve gotta have four of your nearest and dearest get married within six weeks of each other, I hope you’re as lucky as I am in that they are all incredibly breezy, laidback, obviously beautiful brides whom you genuinely enjoy celebrating. I’d have gladly gone to Pigeon Forge for these girls, but I’m glad I got to go to the beach instead. Three down, one to go…I’ll see you in nine days, Pants.

5. In my sixth grade Language Arts class I was taught that a list/outline should always be constructed in odd numbers.

I’ve got lots more where this came from – I didn’t even go into the story about the broad-backed beast of a girl who stole the bagel OUT OF MY HANDS at Starbucks in Bryant Park, or the pre-school teacher who accosted me in the bathroom at Frankie’s 570  in the West Village to talk about AND show me her FUPA, but I promise I’ll be back…have a nice Tuesday, if that’s even possible – Tuesdays are still the worst day. Oh, here – this proves my point nicely: I searched random holidays that fall on October 9, and I found this…that’s right….Happy Moldy Cheese Day.

Bummer.

*Today’s title obviously pays homage to one of my top 5 movies, Devil Wears Prada, but it also describes me on Bagel Friday. Every Friday at work there is a huge spread of bagels (which is awesome), and last Friday I found myself engaged in a “getting-to-know-you” conversation with someone who had indeed just eaten an onion bagel. Onion bagels should disallowed in the workplace; onion bagels and tuna salad are herewith banned.

Posted in Arbitrary | Tagged: , , , , , , | 7 Comments »

Thirsty/Thrifty/Throwback Thursday

Posted by AllieB on August 23, 2012

The Donkey and I were enjoying half-price beers and tacos last night at The Ivy*, and chatting about what have you: my move, our friends, the DOW index, Jessica Simpson’s weight status…etc. I am my own best resource for all things pertaining to JSimps, so when we wanted to look at pics, I searched my JSimps tag which I affix to any and all posts wherein I discuss my favorite buxom blonde. Well, turns out I’m something of a prophet – please read what I wrote about her on September 29, 2011 in response to a tabloid article claiming she was pregnant (this was a month before she officially confirmed it):

Everyone knows that InTouch is for photographic perusal ONLY and that their news reporting is almost always erroneous, but when they say things like this – I pay attention: EXCLUSIVE: IT’S OFFICIAL: JESSICA SIMPSON IS PREGNANT.

No one is really giving InTouch an exclusive anything (except that stupid LeAnn Rimes, maybe – she is the WORST), but I’m going with it. To quote another newsworthy source, Hollywood Reporter, “Jess has sorta looked pregnant for awhile. Now she actually is!” I can’t decide if I want her to be or not…you can’t make fun of pregnant people for being fat. Though she could really blow up – the same article also reported that she’s craving nachos dipped in chocolate, so this is promising…I guess now she’ll actually have to confirm or deny via reputable news source.

I knew, in my heart of hearts, that was she was going to be an enormous pregnant lady, and I was RIGHT! So validating. And I think we can all agree that I’ve officially put the nail in my karmic coffin re: my own unpleasant pregnancy…so I’ve got that to look forward to, which is neat. There hasn’t been a picture of post-baby Jessica since early July…I am waiting with breath that is bated for the next sighting.

This was the throwback part of the post. Also, this:

Happy Birthday to Tina in 2007! I forgot to acknowledge your b-dizzle last week, so here is a tardy holla. We went to MJQ, and it got wild…HOLY SH*T THAT WAS FIVE YEARS AGO. I can’t…I don’t…I’m having a really hard time processing that truthbomb – ha, more like truth nuclear warhead. Ugh. At least my hair isn’t that color anymore; BBT is not a blonde.

It’s funny to me that I really don’t read other blogs, but I do read Witty + Pretty, a very informative site written by a fellow Atlantan who clearly knows her stuff. This week she introduced me to the wonder that is Songza. Songza is a FREE music app that has like a gazillion different playlists for any occasion – literally, any occasion.  There are lists for activities, such as: Curing Road Rage, Sitting on a Back Porch, Walking Through a City, lists for moods: Lush, Sexual, Trashy, and they also have genres and categories you can search…I feel like I discovered a whole new portal to the internet or something – there are seemingly unlimited options. Also, I know said this a second ago but I’m saying it again: Songza is FREE and there are ZERO commercials. Smell ya later, Pandora; Songza 4 eva. (This is the thrifty portion, btw.)

Thirsty? Why, yes, I am. If you feel like getting complicated, I refer you to this list of Atlanta’s 10 Most Iconic Drinks – that margarita at Agave has my name all over it – or you can go the simpler route with this:

Look, there’s three for me one for each of us.

That’s it for Thursday. Peace playas.

*I’m already nostalgic for The Ivy – I realized this as I signed my $9 tab for 3 beers and chicken tacos; that is a freaking steal. And I also just realized that this little afterthought blurb incorporates all three of today’s talking points: thirsty, thrifty, and throwback. Man, I am GOOD.

Posted in Arbitrary, Imparting Wisdom | Tagged: , , , , , | 4 Comments »

Bad writing, fine dining, and kids that are rich

Posted by AllieB on August 22, 2012

I posted last week about the UGA student who wrote an allegedly satirical column on how to find that perfect husband in college. A lot of people hadn’t seen it before, and a lot of people had comments – is she serious, is this a joke, please tell me this is not real, etc. Ever the diligent journalist, I delved deeper and tried to ascertain just what exactly the author was trying to achieve. Turns out she wrote a follow-up article entitled, “Writer of ‘How to find perfect husband in college’ reveals true nature of column”, and now I really can’t stand her. She opens with:

To all who do not understand satire…

I quit reading after that, so I guess I’ll never know what she was trying to accomplish, and, frankly, I’m unsure I have the capacity to care less. The last thing a contested writer needs to do is condescend those who deigned to read her material. I’m not a moron, and I, for the most part, tend to catch on pretty quick, and it was in no way clear to me that she was being funny – and that’s me playing real fast and loose with the word “funny.”

Puppy break!

In light of my imminent departure, I’ve made a concerted effort to make the most of Atlanta and all of its delights. Read: I’ve been going out to eat a lot. I’m kind of embarrassed about that “bucket list” I posted several weeks back re: things I wanted to do before I left. Surely I know better than to announce plans of intention on BBT – they so rarely pan out, and then I look like I don’t follow through on stuff. Which, whether or not that’s true, would be a moot issue if I didn’t open my big mouth in the first place. I don’t prefer announcing plans to people – some might argue this would hold you to keeping them, others (moi) might say mind your own beeswax. So, about dining out:

Bistro Niko: Just a really excellent meal of food. I got the steak frites with both the bernaise and the maitre d’hotel butter (obviously) and it was nothing short of decadent. It’s a happening place, Bistro Niko is. Also, when I was younger my barometer of gauging a restaurant’s “cool factor” was the bathroom: the bathrooms at BN are pretty tight. BBT says: I liked it before, but – if I were sticking around – I could see it becoming a real go-to.

The Optimist: I’m sick of talking about The Optimist. It’s great, and if you haven’t been you should go, but can we please stop talking about it.

Big Ketch: I could likely survive a good long while off their hush puppies. I still haven’t had anything else on the menu. Do, however, beware of patrons taking a mid-meal snooze on the patio…this really happened, I snapped the pic myself. Man down; lock it up; where are her friends she’s passed out in her chair.

Grindhouse Killer Burgers: Hell yes. This place rocks – it is currently my favorite of the burger places. I got an Apache Turkey burger (pepper jack cheese, grilled onions, and green chiles), and it was awesome. I might go back again before I go.

Flip Burger: Meh. I’m kind of over Mr. Blais.

All of these places, of course, are listed on the spreadsheet with pertinent info.

Blog of the Week: Rich Kids of Instagram (credit: Lia)

Actual photo caption: Matching… #Ferrari #inmylivingroom #oneofushas2change #hamptons #NBD

 To give you just a little bit of perspective, this is my last Instagram:

 Actual photo caption: My two loves: 32 oz of beverage and a royal compact. Best gift ever @carriewyatt!

Suddenly my two loves seem…inadequate. At least I’m not a total d-nozzle; I, for one, am able to dress myself with the utmost confidence that I will in no way resemble my Ferrari. This guy’s totally bush league.

Hope you’re doing something happy on this happiest of hump days – I intend to.

Posted in Arbitrary, Food & Drink, Imparting Wisdom, Really? | Tagged: , , , | 7 Comments »

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